WikiLemon 2000 - User contributions [en]

Guaranteed* Video

2025-07-19T14:10:20Z

Callowrat: kevin and ryan page links

Guaranteed* Video is a collaborative project run by [[Neil Cicierega|Neil Cicierega,]] [[Kevin James]], and [[Ryan Murphy]]. They post videos, video extras, and podcasts on the Guaranteed Video Youtube channel, and their short films and sketch comedy are posted on the Neil Cicierega YouTube channel, with some older videos on Ryan's channel, Vicious516.

== External Links ==
* [https://www.youtube.com/@GuaranteedVideo Guaranteed* Video on Youtube]
* [https://www.youtube.com/@neilcic Neil Cicierega on YouTube]
* [https://www.youtube.com/@Vicious516 Vicious516 on Youtube]
* [https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PL0JvRk4dIwP1q56DFCFsSoLJSj-Zw0Qbw&si=PX8qQYMfJHANtdth YouTube Playlist of all Guaranteed* Video movies/sketches]

Hollywood East TV

2025-07-19T14:04:12Z

Callowrat: fixed formatting

[[File:HETVlogo.jpg|thumb|right|Hollywood East TV Logo]]
'''Hollywood East TV''' was a website run by [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plymouth_Rock_Studios Plymouth Rock Studios] whom [[Neil]], [[Ryan Murphy]], and [[Kevin James]] worked for that held their [[New Kids on the Rock]] series and various other works from 2008 to 2009.
The site was taken down sometime in 2012, around when Plymouth Rock went under and ceased production. A Tumblr blog post from Neil recounting his experience during the company's final moments can be found [https://neilblr.com/post/14847928666 here].

== List of their stuff there ==
=== From the New Kids on the Rock Profile<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20091017151006/http://www.hollywoodeasttv.com/profile/NewKidsOnTheRock</ref> ===
* [[New Kids on the Rock 1: Pilot|New Kids on the Rock - Episode 1]] ''(Uploaded: July 21, 2008)''
* [[New Kids on the Rock 2: Romantic Comedy|New Kids on the Rock - Episode 2]] ''(Uploaded: August 4, 2008)''
* [[New Kids on the Rock 3: Bully Troubles|New Kids on the Rock - Episode 3]] ''(Uploaded: August 18, 2008)''
* [[New Kids on the Rock 4: The Curse of Spooky Manor|New Kids on the Rock - Episode 4]] ''(Uploaded: September 2nd, 2008)''
* [[Neil and Kevin's First Day At Work]] (Uploaded: September 15, 2008)''
* [[New Kids on the Rock 5: The Vigilante|New Kids on the Rock - Episode 5]] ''(Uploaded: September 15, 2008)''
* [[A Message From The New Kids On The Rock]] ''(Uploaded: September 22, 2008)''
* [[New Kids on the Rock: Ryan's Christmas Wish|New Kids on the Rock: Ryan's Christmas Wish Part 1]] ''(Uploaded: December 12, 2008)''
* [[New Kids on the Rock: Ryan's Christmas Wish|New Kids on the Rock: Ryan's Christmas Wish Part 2]] ''(Uploaded: December 18, 2008)''
* [[New Kids on the Rock: Ryan's Christmas Wish|New Kids on the Rock: Ryan's Christmas Wish Part 3]] ''(Uploaded: December 22, 2008)''
* [[New Kids on the Rock on DVD|The New Kids on the Rock on DVD!]] ''(Uploaded: July 6, 2009)''
* [[New Kids on the Rock 6: The New New Kid on the Rock|The New, New Kid on The Rock]] ''(Uploaded: July 24, 2009)''

=== From Neil's Profile<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20100225145752/http://www.hollywoodeasttv.com/profile/NeilCicierega</ref> ===
* [[Hollywood East!|Hollywood East! Newsreel]] ''(Uploaded: June 7, 2008)''
* [[No Place Like Home]] ''(Uploaded: June 8, 2008)''
* [[Ben Bernanke|Lemon Demon - Ben Bernanke (Music Video)]] ''(Uploaded: June 10, 2008)''
* [[Toy Food|Toy Food (Music Video)]] ''(Uploaded: January 18, 2009)''
* [[It's the World Wide Web]] ''(Uploaded: March 20, 2009)''
* [[New Kids on the Rock: Ryan's Christmas Wish|New Kids on the Rock: Ryan's Christmas Wish (full)]] ''(Uploaded: March 26, 2009)''
* [[If Balloons Could Talk]] ''(Uploaded: March 27, 2009)''
* [[PPP: Ron's Disease|Potter Puppet Pals in "Ron's Disease"]] ''(Uploaded: April 3, 2009)''
* [[The Questioning]] ''(Uploaded: April 10, 2009)''
* [[Ryan Murphy: Psychic Friend]] ''(Uploaded: April 26, 2009)''
* [[McShark|McShark (Part 1)]] ''(Uploaded: May 1, 2009)''
* [[McShark|McShark (Part 2)]] ''(Uploaded: May 5, 2009)''
* [[McShark|McShark (Part 3)]] ''(Uploaded: May 5, 2009)''
* [[Kevin Contemplates Death]] ''(Uploaded: May 15, 2009)''
* [[Knock Knock!]] ''(Uploaded: May 22, 2009)''
* [[Ryan Turns Into A Dog]] ''(Uploaded: June 13, 2009)''
* [[Papa Geppetto]] ''(Uploaded: June 22, 2009)''
* [[The HollywoodEastTV.com Mailing List]] ''(Uploaded: June 26, 2009)''
* [[Clay Man Adventures]] ''(Uploaded: July 2, 2009)''
* [[YouTubed]] ''(Uploaded: July 10, 2009)''
* [[PPP: Snape's Diary|Potter Puppet Pals in "Snape's Diary"]] ''(Uploaded: July 16, 2009)''
* [[Good Cake]] ''(Uploaded: July 31, 2009)''
* [[Not a Dead End]] ''(Uploaded: August 7, 2009)''
* [[Tap Dancing]] ''(Uploaded: August 21, 2009)''
* [[How to Avoid Getting a Speeding Ticket]] ''(Uploaded: August 28, 2009)''

=== From Ryan's Profile<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20100212214242/http://www.hollywoodeasttv.com/profile/RyanMurphy</ref> ===
* '''??? (20 Videos, Unarchived)'''
* '''The Murphy Sector Episode 1: Rabbit Season''' ''(Uploaded: June 25, 2008)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/AbRi5PsftNI Got Your Nose or, "The Merry Adventures of Winnie The Pooh"]''' ''(Uploaded: June 25, 2008)''
* '''So This is Christmas.''' ''(Uploaded: June 25, 2008)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/NSyIx7R5aw4 Golem II: The Bionic Vapor Boy]''' ''(Uploaded: June 25, 2008)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/rhOWwEON-6Y The Return of Johnny McFly]''' ''(Uploaded: June 25, 2008)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/zaM37qHUiTU Cups On Bottom]''' ''(Uploaded: June 25, 2008)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/A7ISliavR-c Jazz 2 - The New Elevator]''' ''(Uploaded: July 1, 2008)''
* '''Jazz 3 - The Patient''' ''(Uploaded: July 1, 2008)''
* '''Jazz 4 - He Wants Butt''' ''(Uploaded: July 1, 2008)''
* '''Learn About Governor Bradford!''' ''(Uploaded: July 9, 2008)''
* [[We Don't Say That In Front of Grandpa|We Don't Say That In Front Of Grandpa]] ''(Uploaded: July 19, 2008)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/_K2LyYZBDcY Potter Puppet Pals Live at The Yule Ball 2007 (part 1)]''' ''(Uploaded: July 19, 2008)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/7GzU0r4C4U4 Potter Puppet Pals Live at The Yule Ball 2007 (part 2)]''' ''(Uploaded: July 19, 2008)''
* '''Kevin Shaving''' ''(Uploaded: July 19, 2008)''
* [[View-Monster (video)|View-Monster en Español]] ''(Uploaded: July 30, 2008)''
* '''Zap''' ''(Uploaded: August 10, 2008)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/iKzuoIdilqw Ryan Murphy's Haunted House]''' ''(Uploaded: August 25, 2008)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/FUIfCmepKGE It's Not Snot]''' ''(Uploaded: August 28, 2008)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/44pL9juyBVk Take 1]''' ''(Uploaded: August 28, 2008)''
* [[Lemonic Demonade 2007|Lemonic Demonade 2007 "Imaginary Friend"]] ''(Uploaded: August 28, 2008)''
* '''Toxic Shock Syndrome''' ''(Uploaded: September 12, 2008)''
* '''??? (6 Videos, Unarchived)''' ''(September 2008 - October 2008)''
* [[Lemon_Demon_live#2006-11-17:_Plain_Street_Studios,_Boston,_MA|Lemon Demon Live "Ode to Crayola" (2006)]] ''(Uploaded: October 15, 2008)''
* [[This Hyper World|Pig Newton (Lemon Demon's This Hyper World)]] ''(Uploaded: October 15, 2008)''
* '''So Many Ants''' ''(Uploaded: October 15, 2008)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/I_d26vWsMDQ Wizard Monkey City]''' ''(Uploaded: October 27, 2008)''
* '''Rojhelio Studios 100th Youtube Video''' ''(Uploaded: November 2, 2008)''
* [[Wacky Blasters Episode 1]] ''(Uploaded: January 13, 2009)''
* [[Wacky Blasters Episode 2]] ''(Uploaded: January 13, 2009)''
* [[Wacky Blasters Episode 3]] ''(Uploaded: January 13, 2009)''
* '''Cat People''' ''(Uploaded: January 14, 2009)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/6oLrgpJLed8 Wild Abstraction]''' ''(Uploaded: January 30, 2009)''
* [[Lemonic Demonade 2007|Lemonic Demonade "Action Movie Hero Boy"]] ''(Uploaded: February 12, 2009)''
* [[Lemonic Demonade 2007|Lemonic Demonade "Marketland"]] ''(Uploaded: February 12, 2009)''
* [[Lemonic Demonade 2007|Lemonic Demonade "Word Disassociation"]] ''(Uploaded: February 12, 2009)''
* [[Lemonic Demonade 2007|Lemonic Demonade "Ode To Crayola"]] ''(Uploaded: February 12, 2009)''
* '''ComiCon 1+2+3 Combined''' ''(Uploaded: March 12, 2009)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/wHB8l902dbk The Gay Men's Domestic Violence Project Polar Plunge 2009]''' ''(Uploaded: March 14, 2009)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/PZBcnPADdgI Nonuplets]''' ''(Uploaded: April 12, 2009)''
* [[Two Penguins In Love]] ''(Uploaded: April 19, 2009)''
* '''Darkness''' ''(Uploaded: June 22, 2009)''
* [[Kevin Contemplates Death|Death Contemplates Kevin]] ''(Uploaded: July 20, 2009)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/W7_WmVNJCbQ Cake Time]''' ''(Uploaded: August 23, 2009)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/YcLTZ7-ZNJg Dressing Up The Cats (They're Gonna Get Married)]''' ''(Uploaded: September 1, 2009)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/8a9BfFSKa90 You Eat Like A Pig]''' ''(Uploaded: September 13, 2009)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/IQ6pNMgLHYQ Ryan Murphy Meets A Mother Bird]''' ''(Uploaded: September 27, 2009)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/Att8VLe_jeY Do You Remember When?]''' ''(Uploaded: October 3, 2009)''
* '''Two Monkeys''' ''(Uploaded: October 9, 2009)''
* [[March of the Living Figments|March Of The Living Figments (Music Video)]] ''(Uploaded: October 16, 2009)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/30E_G8WsZho Flim Fest 2009]''' ''(Uploaded: November 6, 2009)''

=== From Kevin's Profile<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20100417035248/http://www.hollywoodeasttv.com/profile/KevinJames</ref> ===
* '''Hellbound''' ''(Uploaded: June 7, 2008)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/BFuWtR8hpCE Shaq Fu: The Movie]''' ''(Uploaded: June 7, 2008)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/f8GOY9ZqnLs Played Out]''' ''(Uploaded: June 7, 2008)''
* [[America's Hometown]] ''(Uploaded: June 7, 2008)''
* '''Kooky Kevin's Krazy Kar Lot''' ''(Uploaded: June 7, 2008)''
* '''Hip Hop, Cherry Pop DVD Trailer''' ''(Uploaded: June 8, 2008)''
* '''Gun F*%$ City''' ''(Uploaded: June 13, 2008)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/1mJZW1imJ80 Take Em To The Cleaners]''' ''(Uploaded: June 13, 2008)''
* '''The Worst Ways Ever To Die 6''' ''(Uploaded: June 13, 2008)''
* '''The Worst Ways Ever To Die 4''' ''(Uploaded: June 13, 2008)''
* '''The Worst Ways Ever To Die 2''' ''(Uploaded: June 13, 2008)''
* '''The Horridly Horrible Depths of Maddening Madness''' ''(Uploaded: June 20, 2008)''
* '''Flim Fest 2008 Promo''' ''(Uploaded: July 9, 2008)''
* '''Flim Fest 2008! Circa 1992''' ''(Uploaded: July 9, 2008)''
* '''Behind The Scenes Of "Visiting"''' ''(Uploaded: August 2, 2008)''
* '''Crunch Time Editing Stress Relief''' ''(Uploaded: August 12, 2008)''
* [[Bigfoot Begins]] ''(Uploaded: August 20, 2008)''
* '''Webisode 5 Preview''' ''(Uploaded: September 14, 2008)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/8O9kWiTj1KI Uncle Robbie's Last Will & Testament]''' ''(Uploaded: July 3, 2009)''
* '''Flim Fest 2009 Reminder''' ''(Uploaded: August 7, 2009)''
* '''NUCLEARO!''' ''(Uploaded: September 10, 2009)''

=== From the Plymouth Rock Studios Profile ===
* [[A Day At Work With Kevin And Neil]] ''(Uploaded: September 25, 2008)''

== Profile Links ==

Hollywood East TV

2025-07-19T14:03:28Z

Callowrat: page created

[[File:HETVlogo.jpg|thumb|right|Hollywood East TV Logo]]
'''Hollywood East TV''' was a website run by [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plymouth_Rock_Studios Plymouth Rock Studios] whom [[Neil]], [[Ryan Murphy]], and [[Kevin James]] worked for that held their [[New Kids on the Rock]] series and various other works from 2008 to 2009.
The site was taken down sometime in 2012, around when Plymouth Rock went under and ceased production. A Tumblr blog post from Neil recounting his experience during the company's final moments can be found [https://neilblr.com/post/14847928666 here].

== List of their stuff there ==
=== From the New Kids on the Rock Profile<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20091017151006/http://www.hollywoodeasttv.com/profile/NewKidsOnTheRock</ref> ===
* [[New Kids on the Rock 1: Pilot|New Kids on the Rock - Episode 1]] ''(Uploaded: July 21, 2008)''
* [[New Kids on the Rock 2: Romantic Comedy|New Kids on the Rock - Episode 2]] ''(Uploaded: August 4, 2008)''
* [[New Kids on the Rock 3: Bully Troubles|New Kids on the Rock - Episode 3]] ''(Uploaded: August 18, 2008)''
* [[New Kids on the Rock 4: The Curse of Spooky Manor|New Kids on the Rock - Episode 4]] ''(Uploaded: September 2nd, 2008)''
* [[Neil and Kevin's First Day At Work]] (Uploaded: September 15, 2008)''
* [[New Kids on the Rock 5: The Vigilante|New Kids on the Rock - Episode 5]] ''(Uploaded: September 15, 2008)''
* [[A Message From The New Kids On The Rock]] ''(Uploaded: September 22, 2008)''
* [[New Kids on the Rock: Ryan's Christmas Wish|New Kids on the Rock: Ryan's Christmas Wish Part 1]] ''(Uploaded: December 12, 2008)''
* [[New Kids on the Rock: Ryan's Christmas Wish|New Kids on the Rock: Ryan's Christmas Wish Part 2]] ''(Uploaded: December 18, 2008)''
* [[New Kids on the Rock: Ryan's Christmas Wish|New Kids on the Rock: Ryan's Christmas Wish Part 3]] ''(Uploaded: December 22, 2008)''
* [[New Kids on the Rock on DVD|The New Kids on the Rock on DVD!]] ''(Uploaded: July 6, 2009)''
* [[New Kids on the Rock 6: The New New Kid on the Rock|The New, New Kid on The Rock]] ''(Uploaded: July 24, 2009)''

=== From Neil's Profile<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20100225145752/http://www.hollywoodeasttv.com/profile/NeilCicierega</ref> ===
* [[Hollywood East!|Hollywood East! Newsreel]] ''(Uploaded: June 7, 2008)''
* [[No Place Like Home]] ''(Uploaded: June 8, 2008)''
* [[Ben Bernanke|Lemon Demon - Ben Bernanke (Music Video)]] ''(Uploaded: June 10, 2008)''
* [[Toy Food|Toy Food (Music Video)]] ''(Uploaded: January 18, 2009)''
* [[It's the World Wide Web]] ''(Uploaded: March 20, 2009)''
* [[New Kids on the Rock: Ryan's Christmas Wish|New Kids on the Rock: Ryan's Christmas Wish (full)]] ''(Uploaded: March 26, 2009)''
* [[If Balloons Could Talk]] ''(Uploaded: March 27, 2009)''
* [[PPP: Ron's Disease|Potter Puppet Pals in "Ron's Disease"]] ''(Uploaded: April 3, 2009)''
* [[The Questioning]] ''(Uploaded: April 10, 2009)''
* [[Ryan Murphy: Psychic Friend]] ''(Uploaded: April 26, 2009)''
* [[McShark|McShark (Part 1)]] ''(Uploaded: May 1, 2009)''
* [[McShark|McShark (Part 2)]] ''(Uploaded: May 5, 2009)''
* [[McShark|McShark (Part 3)]] ''(Uploaded: May 5, 2009)''
* [[Kevin Contemplates Death]] ''(Uploaded: May 15, 2009)''
* [[Knock Knock!]] ''(Uploaded: May 22, 2009)''
* [[Ryan Turns Into A Dog]] ''(Uploaded: June 13, 2009)''
* [[Papa Geppetto]] ''(Uploaded: June 22, 2009)''
* [[The HollywoodEastTV.com Mailing List]] ''(Uploaded: June 26, 2009)''
* [[Clay Man Adventures]] ''(Uploaded: July 2, 2009)''
* [[YouTubed]] ''(Uploaded: July 10, 2009)''
* [[PPP: Snape's Diary|Potter Puppet Pals in "Snape's Diary"]] ''(Uploaded: July 16, 2009)''
* [[Good Cake]] ''(Uploaded: July 31, 2009)''
* [[Not a Dead End]] ''(Uploaded: August 7, 2009)''
* [[Tap Dancing]] ''(Uploaded: August 21, 2009)''
* [[How to Avoid Getting a Speeding Ticket]] ''(Uploaded: August 28, 2009)''

=== From Ryan's Profile<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20100212214242/http://www.hollywoodeasttv.com/profile/RyanMurphy</ref> ===
* '''??? (20 Videos, Unarchived)'''
* '''The Murphy Sector Episode 1: Rabbit Season''' ''(Uploaded: June 25, 2008)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/AbRi5PsftNI Got Your Nose or, "The Merry Adventures of Winnie The Pooh"]''' ''(Uploaded: June 25, 2008)''
* '''So This is Christmas.''' ''(Uploaded: June 25, 2008)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/NSyIx7R5aw4 Golem II: The Bionic Vapor Boy]''' ''(Uploaded: June 25, 2008)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/rhOWwEON-6Y The Return of Johnny McFly]''' ''(Uploaded: June 25, 2008)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/zaM37qHUiTU Cups On Bottom]''' ''(Uploaded: June 25, 2008)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/A7ISliavR-c Jazz 2 - The New Elevator]''' ''(Uploaded: July 1, 2008)''
* '''Jazz 3 - The Patient''' ''(Uploaded: July 1, 2008)''
* '''Jazz 4 - He Wants Butt''' ''(Uploaded: July 1, 2008)''
* '''Learn About Governor Bradford!''' ''(Uploaded: July 9, 2008)''
* [[We Don't Say That In Front of Grandpa|We Don't Say That In Front Of Grandpa]] ''(Uploaded: July 19, 2008)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/_K2LyYZBDcY Potter Puppet Pals Live at The Yule Ball 2007 (part 1)]''' ''(Uploaded: July 19, 2008)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/7GzU0r4C4U4 Potter Puppet Pals Live at The Yule Ball 2007 (part 2)]''' ''(Uploaded: July 19, 2008)''
* '''Kevin Shaving''' ''(Uploaded: July 19, 2008)''
* [[View-Monster (video)|View-Monster en Español]] ''(Uploaded: July 30, 2008)''
* '''Zap''' ''(Uploaded: August 10, 2008)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/iKzuoIdilqw Ryan Murphy's Haunted House]''' ''(Uploaded: August 25, 2008)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/FUIfCmepKGE It's Not Snot]''' ''(Uploaded: August 28, 2008)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/44pL9juyBVk Take 1]''' ''(Uploaded: August 28, 2008)''
* [[Lemonic Demonade 2007|Lemonic Demonade 2007 "Imaginary Friend"]] ''(Uploaded: August 28, 2008)''
* '''Toxic Shock Syndrome''' ''(Uploaded: September 12, 2008)''
* '''??? (6 Videos, Unarchived)''' ''(September 2008 - October 2008)''
* [[Lemon_Demon_live#2006-11-17:_Plain_Street_Studios,_Boston,_MA|Lemon Demon Live "Ode to Crayola" (2006)]] ''(Uploaded: October 15, 2008)''
* [[This Hyper World|Pig Newton (Lemon Demon's This Hyper World)]] ''(Uploaded: October 15, 2008)''
* '''So Many Ants''' ''(Uploaded: October 15, 2008)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/I_d26vWsMDQ Wizard Monkey City]''' ''(Uploaded: October 27, 2008)''
* '''Rojhelio Studios 100th Youtube Video''' ''(Uploaded: November 2, 2008)''
* [[Wacky Blasters Episode 1]] ''(Uploaded: January 13, 2009)''
* [[Wacky Blasters Episode 2]] ''(Uploaded: January 13, 2009)''
* [[Wacky Blasters Episode 3]] ''(Uploaded: January 13, 2009)''
* '''Cat People''' ''(Uploaded: January 14, 2009)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/6oLrgpJLed8 Wild Abstraction]''' ''(Uploaded: January 30, 2009)''
* [[Lemonic Demonade 2007|Lemonic Demonade "Action Movie Hero Boy"]] ''(Uploaded: February 12, 2009)''
* [[Lemonic Demonade 2007|Lemonic Demonade "Marketland"]] ''(Uploaded: February 12, 2009)''
* [[Lemonic Demonade 2007|Lemonic Demonade "Word Disassociation"]] ''(Uploaded: February 12, 2009)''
* [[Lemonic Demonade 2007|Lemonic Demonade "Ode To Crayola"]] ''(Uploaded: February 12, 2009)''
* '''ComiCon 1+2+3 Combined ''(Uploaded: March 12, 2009)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/wHB8l902dbk The Gay Men's Domestic Violence Project Polar Plunge 2009]''' ''(Uploaded: March 14, 2009)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/PZBcnPADdgI Nonuplets]''' ''(Uploaded: April 12, 2009)''
* [[Two Penguins In Love]] ''(Uploaded: April 19, 2009)''
* '''Darkness''' ''(Uploaded: June 22, 2009)''
* [[Kevin Contemplates Death|Death Contemplates Kevin]] ''(Uploaded: July 20, 2009)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/W7_WmVNJCbQ Cake Time]''' ''(Uploaded: August 23, 2009)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/YcLTZ7-ZNJg Dressing Up The Cats (They're Gonna Get Married)]''' ''(Uploaded: September 1, 2009)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/8a9BfFSKa90 You Eat Like A Pig]''' ''(Uploaded: September 13, 2009)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/IQ6pNMgLHYQ Ryan Murphy Meets A Mother Bird]''' ''(Uploaded: September 27, 2009)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/Att8VLe_jeY Do You Remember When?]''' ''(Uploaded: October 3, 2009)''
* '''Two Monkeys''' ''(Uploaded: October 9, 2009)''
* [[March of the Living Figments|March Of The Living Figments (Music Video)]] ''(Uploaded: October 16, 2009)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/30E_G8WsZho Flim Fest 2009]''' ''(Uploaded: November 6, 2009)''

=== From Kevin's Profile<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20100417035248/http://www.hollywoodeasttv.com/profile/KevinJames</ref> ===
* '''Hellbound''' ''(Uploaded: June 7, 2008)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/BFuWtR8hpCE Shaq Fu: The Movie]''' ''(Uploaded: June 7, 2008)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/f8GOY9ZqnLs Played Out]''' ''(Uploaded: June 7, 2008)''
* [[America's Hometown]] ''(Uploaded: June 7, 2008)''
* '''Kooky Kevin's Krazy Kar Lot''' ''(Uploaded: June 7, 2008)''
* '''Hip Hop, Cherry Pop DVD Trailer''' ''(Uploaded: June 8, 2008)''
* '''Gun F*%$ City''' ''(Uploaded: June 13, 2008)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/1mJZW1imJ80 Take Em To The Cleaners]''' ''(Uploaded: June 13, 2008)''
* '''The Worst Ways Ever To Die 6''' ''(Uploaded: June 13, 2008)''
* '''The Worst Ways Ever To Die 4''' ''(Uploaded: June 13, 2008)''
* '''The Worst Ways Ever To Die 2''' ''(Uploaded: June 13, 2008)''
* '''The Horridly Horrible Depths of Maddening Madness''' ''(Uploaded: June 20, 2008)''
* '''Flim Fest 2008 Promo''' ''(Uploaded: July 9, 2008)''
* '''Flim Fest 2008! Circa 1992''' ''(Uploaded: July 9, 2008)''
* '''Behind The Scenes Of "Visiting"''' ''(Uploaded: August 2, 2008)''
* '''Crunch Time Editing Stress Relief''' ''(Uploaded: August 12, 2008)''
* [[Bigfoot Begins]] ''(Uploaded: August 20, 2008)''
* '''Webisode 5 Preview''' ''(Uploaded: September 14, 2008)''
* '''[https://youtu.be/8O9kWiTj1KI Uncle Robbie's Last Will & Testament]''' ''(Uploaded: July 3, 2009)''
* '''Flim Fest 2009 Reminder''' ''(Uploaded: August 7, 2009)''
* '''NUCLEARO!''' ''(Uploaded: September 10, 2009)''

=== From the Plymouth Rock Studios Profile ===
* [[A Day At Work With Kevin And Neil]] ''(Uploaded: September 25, 2008)''

== Profile Links ==

Kaleidoskull

2025-07-19T13:14:01Z

Callowrat: music video

{{Infobox_song
|title = Kaleidoskull
|artist = Lemon Demon
|albumart = Viewmonster.jpg
|writer = Neil Cicierega
|singer = N/A
|album = [[View-Monster]]
|duration = 2:29
|genre = Instrumental
|language = English
|externalLinks = [https://lemondemon.bandcamp.com/track/kaleidoskull/ Original Release]
[https://needlejuice.bandcamp.com/track/kaleidoskull/ Needlejuice Remaster]
|BPM = 164
}}

'''Kaleidoskull''' is the first track on [[View-Monster]]. It is an instrumental track.

It is notable for being the first instrumental intro to a [[Lemon Demon]] album since [[Hydroelectric Viking]], and for being the only instrumental track on [[View-Monster]] not to be an untitled transition track.

Neil spoke of the eponymous fake word's relation to the album's title in the [[Something Glowing]] section of the [[View-Monster]] HTML:<blockquote>"I don't know what a kaleidoskull is, but I liked how it sounded enough to both mention it in this track and name the opening track after it. It must be a relative of the [[View-Monster]], whatever that is."</blockquote>

== Music Video ==
{{Infobox_video
|title = Kaleidoskull
|video_Category = Music Video
|creator = [[Ryan Murphy]]
|cast = N/A
|crew = [[Ryan Murphy]]
|year = September 17, 2011
|screenshot =
|duration = 2:28
}}

<youtube>SwMqU3zo3eE</youtube>

== Trivia ==
*The title of this song is referenced in the lyrics to [[Something Glowing]].

This Hyper World

2025-07-19T12:22:56Z

Callowrat: music video

{{Infobox_song
|title = This Hyper World
|artist = Lemon Demon
|year = 2006
|albumart = Dinosaurchestra.jpg
|writer = Neil Cicierega
|singer = [[Neil Cicierega]]
|album = [[Dinosaurchestra]]
|duration = 03:55
|tempo = 172
|genre = Rock
|language = English
|externalLinks = [https://lemondemon.bandcamp.com/track/this-hyper-world Bandcamp] [https://needlejuice.bandcamp.com/track/this-hyper-world Needlejuice Remaster] [https://youtu.be/aqkvWE42KMY YouTube] [https://open.spotify.com/track/22FaX86jhohU0ON001bDo5?si=b902893953d540c5 Spotify]
}}
'''This Hyper World''' is the 16th track on [[Dinosaurchestra]].

This song is about "getting off your butt and hopping around and enjoying life.", according to [[Neil]] in the album's text commentary.<ref>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Soa2ux9FepQ</ref>

==Lyrics==
Oh, for the first time in your life,
You’re asking me for my advice.
But don’t you dare think you’re off the hook
Without me taking an honest look.

You got nothing up your sleeve,
You got plenty on your mind,
And your mouth is getting dry,
Because you’re yawning all the time,
And the days are getting longer,
But your patience ticks away,
And the wind could knock you over.
If the walls weren’t in the way.

What can you do? What can you do about it?
What can you do? What can you do?

Oh, you’ve got to close your eyes.
Strike that, you’ve got to open them.
Oh, your thoughts are flexible,
But somehow you have broken them.

You’re knocking at the door
Like you’d rather not find out
What is on the other side,
Because it proves beyond a doubt
That you never had a clue
What you wanted all along.
You attempt to hold your ground,
Like being weak is being strong.

What can you do? What can you do about it?
What can you do? What can you do?
Oh, I don’t know. Run outside and twirl.
Scream hello at this hyper world.

Oh, run the rooftop marathon
Until your sense of up and down is gone.
Discover ten brand new ways
To make tomorrow’s weather like today’s.

You’re stuck inside a pattern.
You’re stuck inside a loop
And you’re stuck inside a pattern.
You’re stuck inside a loop
And you’re stuck inside a pattern.
You’re stuck inside a loop
And you’re stuck inside a pattern.
You’re stuck, so take a hammer to it.

What can you do? What can you do about it?
What can you do? What can you do?
Oh, I don’t know. Run outside and twirl.
Scream hello at this hyper world.

I only understand myself.
Just me and nobody else.
I only understand myself.
Just me and nobody else.

What can you do? What can you do about it?
What can you do? What can you do about it?
What can you do? What can you do about it?
What can you do? What can you do?
What can you do? What can you do about it?
What can you do? What can you do?

Oh, I don’t know. Run outside and twirl.
Scream hello at this hyper world.
I don’t know. Run outside and twirl.
Scream hello at this hyper world.

== Music Video ==
{{Infobox_video
|title = Pig Newton (Lemon Demon's This Hyper World)
|video_Category = Music Video
|creator = [[Ryan Murphy]]
|cast = Pig Newton
|crew = [[Ryan Murphy]]
|year = March 17, 2007
|screenshot =
|duration = 2:49
}}

In 2007, [[Ryan Murphy]] made a stop motion animation to the song featuring a pig tazer called Pig Newton.

<youtube>UjMi6xAW5TU</youtube>

== Trivia ==
<references />

March of the Living Figments

2025-07-19T11:55:00Z

Callowrat: fixed mv duration

{{Infobox_song
|title = March of the Living Figments
|artist = Lemon Demon
|year = 2005
|albumart = Damn Skippy.png
|writer = Neil Cicierega
|singer = [[Neil Cicierega]]
|album = [[Damn Skippy]]
|duration = 1:07
|tempo = 113
|genre = Acappella
|language = Voices
|externalLinks = [https://needlejuice.bandcamp.com/track/march-of-the-living-figments Needlejuice Remaster] [http://www.lemondemon.com/Lemon%20Demon%20-%20First%20four%20albums/Damn%20Skippy%20(2005)/Bonus%20Tracks/Original MP3] [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9tltbi-U6M YouTube] [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vvCT9RyNi3M Remastered YouTube]
}}

'''March of the Living Figments''' is a bonus track on [[Damn Skippy]].

== Music Video ==
{{Infobox_video
|title = March Of The Living Figments
|video_Category = Music Video
|creator = [[Ryan Murphy]]
|cast = Various Lego & clay creations
|crew = [[Ryan Murphy]], [[Neil Cicierega]]
|year = October 16, 2009<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20091021042953/http://www.hollywoodeasttv.com/video/march-of-the-living-figments</ref>
|screenshot =
|duration = 1:17
}}

In late 2009, [[Ryan Murphy]] made a stop-motion animation of Lego & clay creations moving to the beat of the song.

<youtube>v2hGUUVeLdk</youtube>

==Trivia==
*This song was originally going to be a track on the main album, but was later put aside and set on the bonus tracks.

March of the Living Figments

2025-07-19T11:54:05Z

Callowrat: added video

{{Infobox_song
|title = March of the Living Figments
|artist = Lemon Demon
|year = 2005
|albumart = Damn Skippy.png
|writer = Neil Cicierega
|singer = [[Neil Cicierega]]
|album = [[Damn Skippy]]
|duration = 1:07
|tempo = 113
|genre = Acappella
|language = Voices
|externalLinks = [https://needlejuice.bandcamp.com/track/march-of-the-living-figments Needlejuice Remaster] [http://www.lemondemon.com/Lemon%20Demon%20-%20First%20four%20albums/Damn%20Skippy%20(2005)/Bonus%20Tracks/Original MP3] [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9tltbi-U6M YouTube] [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vvCT9RyNi3M Remastered YouTube]
}}

'''March of the Living Figments''' is a bonus track on [[Damn Skippy]].

== Music Video ==
{{Infobox_video
|title = March Of The Living Figments
|video_Category = Music Video
|creator = [[Ryan Murphy]]
|cast = Various Lego & clay creations
|crew = [[Ryan Murphy]], [[Neil Cicierega]]
|year = October 16, 2009<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20091021042953/http://www.hollywoodeasttv.com/video/march-of-the-living-figments</ref>
|screenshot =
|duration = 2:39
}}

In late 2009, [[Ryan Murphy]] made a stop-motion animation of Lego & clay creations moving to the beat of the song.

<youtube>v2hGUUVeLdk</youtube>

==Trivia==
*This song was originally going to be a track on the main album, but was later put aside and set on the bonus tracks.

Potter Puppet Pals

2025-07-19T11:15:14Z

Callowrat: Edited episode page links (mainly so that it's all sectioned together in the short film category page)

The Potter Puppet Pals series is one of [[Neil Cicierega|Neil Cicierega’s]] major projects, formerly just in Flash animation, but has now expanded to actual puppet shows and even music. The basic idea is, ''“What would happen if Harry Potter was acted out with puppets… by INSANE people?”'' This has become Neil’s most popular project with the release of [[The Mysterious Ticking Noise]], surpassing even [[The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny]].

== Animations ==

=== Episodes ===

* [[PPP: Bothering Snape|Bothering Snape]]
* [[PPP: Trouble at Hogwarts|Trouble at Hogwarts]]

=== Description ===
One of Neil’s few non-animutational animations, the animated Potter Puppet Pals series was animated piece by piece by Neil, without any tweening or anything, and was described by Neil as “tedious”. After the first animation, ''Bothering Snape'', which premiered four of the eventual six characters, he originally intended to make ''[[Potter Puppet Pals Adventure]]'', for which he produced the audio, but thought it would be too hard to make. Instead, he made ''Trouble at Hogwarts'', which would include two newcomers, Voldemort and Hermione, to round the animated cast to six.

=== [[Potter Puppet Pals Adventure]] ===
The original second episode of the Potter Puppet Pals animation series, cancelled because it would have been too tedious for Neil to animate. The Potter Puppet Pals Adventure is portrayed as a preview for a fake upcoming musical including the Potter Puppet Pals cast. It is narrated by Steven Milo, the composer, who gives commentary between songs.

The six musical numbers in the Potter Puppet Pals Adventure are, in order:

* [[Get The Snitch]]
* [[Naked Time]]
* [[Half-Giant, Baby]]
* [[Stopper On My Pain]]
* [[Drills and Bills]] (however, they play the wrong footage)
* [[Avada Kedavra]]

The MP3 file for The Potter Puppet Pals Adventure can be found [https://mumbergo.net/files/Audio/Potter%20Puppet%20Pals/Potter%20Puppet%20Pals%20-%20Potter%20Puppet%20Pals%20Adventure.mp3 here].

== Live Action ==

=== Episodes ===

* Potter Puppet Pals in “[[PPP: Potions Class|Potions Class]]”
* Potter Puppet Pals in “[[PPP: Wizard Angst| Wizard Angst]]”
* Potter Puppet Pals in “[[PPP: The Mysterious Ticking Noise|The Mysterious Ticking Noise]]”
* Potter Puppet Pals in “[[PPP: Wizard Swears|Wizard Swears]]”
* Potter Puppet Pals in “[[PPP: School is for Losers|School is for Losers]]”
* Potter Puppet Pals in “[[PPP: Albus Dumbledore Lists Your Good Qualities|Albus Dumbledore Lists Your Good Qualities]]”
* Potter Puppet Pals in “[[PPP: The Vortex|The Vortex]]”
* Potter Puppet Pals in “[[PPP: Ron’s Disease|Ron's Disease]]”
* Potter Puppet Pals in “[[PPP: Snape’s Diary|Snape's Diary]]”
* Potter Puppet Pals in “[[PPP: Ron’s Parents|Ron's Parents]]”
* Potter Puppet Pals in “[[PPP: Mustache Buddies|Mustache Buddies]]”
* Potter Puppet Pals in “[[PPP: Harry’s Nightmares|Harry's Nightmares]]”
* Potter Puppet Pals in “[[PPP: Draco Puppet|Draco Puppet]]”
* [[PPP: Ginny|Ginny]]
* [[PPP: Neville’s Birthday|Neville's Birthday]]
* [[PPP: Apparate!|Apparate!]]
* Potter Puppet Pals Short: [[PPP: Magic Can Solve Any Problem|Magic Can Solve Any Problem]]
* Potter Puppet Pals Short: [[PPP: Dapper Ron|Dapper Ron]]
* Potter Puppet Pals Short: [[PPP: Martial Arts|Martial Arts]]

=== Description ===
As of November 2006, Neil has created five short films with these real puppets, four of them episodes in the series. The first, ''Pppteaser'', is simply showing off the new Snape puppet, while ''Potions Class'', the first actual episode, actually had dialogue. The puppets were made by Nancy Cicierega.

While Potions Class was performed using a couch as a makeshift stage, a real stage (with a similar look to the one seen in the Flash animations) was used in the video ''Wizard Angst''. The stage was built by the Cicierega parents, Nancy and Jerry.

Potter Puppet Pals, consisting of Neil, Alora and Emmy, performed live for the first time at the Boston Yule Ball, Dec. 10, 2006. This show was around 9 minutes long and included musical numbers, including Avada Kedavra from Potter Puppet Pals Adventure, as well as new pieces. Hopefully Neil and co. release a home recorded version, because the girls screaming make much of it extremely hard to discern.

== Potter Puppet Pals Songs ==
Neil’s most recent expansion to the series, a set of songs from the live show all released as audio files. The songs released so far are:

* [[Avada Kedavra]]
* [[Like Snape]]
* [[The Spell of Love]]

[[The Apparate! Suite]] was released on Bandcamp after the episode featuring it was posted on Youtube.

Donors to the EqualityFTW 2013 campaign could receive a download of the [[EqualityFTW EP]], featuring several previously live-exclusive tracks and the studio versions of several in-episode songs.

== The Characters ==
The characters of Potter Puppet Pals are very much alike to the characters of the real Harry Potter books and movies Neil is spoofing off of, but in some ways, their personalities are a world different.

=== Harry Potter ===
The Harry puppet has rather spiky black hair, with the famed lightning bolt scar in the center. He has a pretty round head, black framed glasses, the left frame bigger than the other, each with no eyes shown inside, and with nothing connecting it to the rest of the head. He has two round circles for ears, and a very smiley expression, and whenever he opens his mouth, you can see it’s tongue. It has the Hogwarts robe, dark gray with a very simplified version of the Hogwarts symbol. He has two rounded balls for hands, and a big arm protruding from the torso, obviously for controlling the puppet and keeping it up. The main protaganist of the Harry Potter series, and that has kind of… changed… in the Potter Puppet series. For example, Harry Potter PUPPET has been portrayed as nothing but a troublemaker, doing hardly more than bothering Snape, banging into him, and shoving him onto the floor. Oh, and Harry also has the ability to hug and, in wide opposition, use a machine gun. He can also ride a broom, and is the Seeker for the Gryffindor team as is shown in the first number of the Potter Puppet Pals Adventure, “Get The Snitch”, like in the real Potter series. He used the “Pantaloonicus Poopicus spell on Snape in Wizard Angst.

=== Ron Weasley ===
Harry Potter’s first best friend met at Hogwarts… and… maybe even MORE than just a friend. The Ron puppet has orange hair with two tiny hairs sticking out on the top. He has two tiny dots for eyes, and a bunch of freckles on his cheeks- six on the left side, seven on the other. He has the standard Hogwarts robe, and smiley expression. Ronald also enjoys bothering Snape. Infact, he himself was picked to be on the BOTHER! shirt. Inside the episode, Trouble at Hogwarts, he comes up with the life-saving plan to escape the clutches of the Dark Lord Voldemort. In other words, MACHINE GUN! YAAAY!! Ron has shown many signs that he is in love with Hermione Granger in the real Harry Potter series, but inside this webseries, has almost shown none. However, it appears he is in love… with someone else. Ron, besides bothering Snape, enjoys listening and dancing to music, as shown in the very brief Aisha clip floating around on the internet, and also enjoys frollicking among the butterflies. He used the “Pantaloonicus Poopicus spell on Snape in Wizard Angst.

=== Hermione Granger ===
Harry Potter’s second best friend met at Hogwarts. The Hermione puppet has long brown hair that tends to flounce around like crazy. She has longer eyes than most of the characters, and has a very shiny highlight in the upper-left hand corner. She also has girly pink highlights on her cheeks, the standard Hogwarts robe, and the standard smiley expression. Hermione has never yet bothered Snape, but in the near future, she may give into the fad. Hermione also is the only student of Hogwarts seen using any form of spell. In the Butterflies hidden sequence, Hermione exclaims, “Ronicus Explodicus!”, wand raised high, and… well… makes Ron explode, head flying high above. In another act of violence towards Ron in the Potter Puppet Pals Adventure, Hermione is seen whipping Ron, who seems to be her slave boy. That scene was supposed to have been cut out. Hermione loves to learn, or at least says she does. We have yet to see her do ANY type of learning yet.

=== Severus Snape ===
He is Snape. The Potions master. The Snape puppet has a slightly paler and more elongated face, with a long pointy nose like an eagles’, or like the Sesame Street puppet named “Bert”. They actually have many similarities in personality, mainly wanting to be left alone, and are usually angry, and both have a very dull sarcastic sounding voice. He has longer hair than most of the cast besides Hermione, going down to about five-sixths down the face, going out like a womans’ would. Also, in contrast to his pale body, he has a regularly flesh-toned arm sticking out from the bottom of his torso. He has a unibrow, two round eyes with black outlines and white filled in, a sad looking mouth, and when it opens, it points out like its’ nose. It has a gray robe with a black shirt underneath. Severus is the victim of most of the bothering that goes around Hogwarts school. He has also killed Ron and Harry by the famed Avada Kedavra “Killing” curse in Bothering Snape, and also was killed himself by the self-same spell in Trouble at Hogwarts… but somehow, came back to life. In Emmy C. and Caitlin’s first and at the moment only Ask Snape comic, that is explained. It seems as though every Saturday the Hogwarts staff plays Charades. Snape is the all-time champion, and that made him able to create a very convincing death when shot by the Avada Kedavra curse by Voldemort. However, he left with a scar… in a place usually not on display to the public. After the marvelous return of Snape at the end of ''Trouble at Hogwarts'', he recieved a marvelous and rather long hug from Ron, Harry, Hermione… and Naked Dumbledore. Snape also seems to have a secret and lost love, as shown in the Potter Puppet Pals Adventure “Stopper On My Pain” sequence. Since it has yet to be animated, none know exactly who this lost love is. Neil says he planned to have it animated to Snape singing to a portrait of Gilderoy Lockhart. HSRT made it a love song to an enchanted muffin. As an added note, Snape’s character is the most intact one from the original book series.

=== Albus Dumbledore ===
The headmaster of Hogwarts, and since he’s the headmaster of an already insane school, he is equally insane as the other characters in this webseries… and perhaps a 50 percent chance of lunacy. The Dumbledore puppet has a purple robe with a collection of lighter purple stars clustered on it. His pointy wizard hat also has the same design. The hat has one star on it, and the robe has four stars usually visible, but has two more stars positioned under his beard. He wears glasses with a flat top and curved bottom. He has little dots for eyes, and has a large white beard and mustache, with a jolly Santa-like smile underneath. Dumbledore is very slow, and doesn’t catch on very quickly. For example, in Bothering Snape, Dumbledore comes across the two unliving bodies of Ron and Harry, and comes to the conclusions that they are infact, “taking an afternoon nap”. He also enjoys to pick-pocket from his sleeping students. He finds 9 sickels and a dungbomb a pretty lucky find in someones robes. Dumbledore also tends to leave whenever Voldemort comes around, with no plan to give to the Golden Trio. What a sissy. The last and most important thing to remember about Dumbledore is… he loves to go “NAKED TIME!” in public! He has been shown naked in all 3 of the shown animations, and is shown dancing a jolly shake-about in the raw in 2 of them. In fact, an entire musical number is devoted to it in the Potter Puppet Pals Adventure. His famed Naked Time sequence has granted him a “Naked Time” shirt. Another PPP shirt available that includes him is the “Cornucopia of Love” design.

=== Lord Voldemort ===
The Dark Lord Voldemort. The dreaded antagonist of the series. The Voldemort puppet is depicted as a white faced black robed demon, with red eyes with black pupils, and sinister smile. Only known weaknesseses: machine guns and a swift BOTHER! He has an ambient echo voice to prove how evil he is, and is very smooth in his craft. Infact, he himself attempted to kill the self-proclaimed Potions Master! Now that’s evil. And pathetic, because it didn’t even work! Can’t kill Snape. Remember that, now. Voldemort’s most famed curse in both the real series and the webseries, is the Avada Kedavra “killing” curse. Voldemort constantly uses it in the series, and a whole musical number is devoted to it in the Potter Puppet Pals Adventure, portrayed in a catchy toetapper. There is approximately 10 times he utters the curse, 10 times you hear a zap in the background along with it, and 9 times you hear a scream of pain along with it, the ending scream is nowhere to be heard. Also, in Trouble at Hogwarts, Voldemort says it approximately one time, and one time where he was about to use it, but was stopped. You can escape from Voldemort easily, as shown in ''Trouble at Hogwarts'', when Harry and Hermione quickly run off with any trouble, just by saying a simple 4 letter word… “WAIT!”. He was killed by machine guns in the 2nd episode, but like all the other characters in the series, seems to have come back to life in the Potter Puppet Pals Adventure.

=== Rubeus Hagrid ===
Rubeus Hagrid has only been shown in the Potter Puppet Pals Adventure as of right now, in the musical sequence, “Half-Giant, Baby” and in “Ron’s Disease”. From what is seen and told, he is often ostracized from the rest because of his half-giant blood, but does embrace it at points. He also has a low suave singing voice. His puppet has long bushy eyebrows, hair, and beard. He is one of the only two who has a nose as of now. He has a darker flesh tone, and a brown coat with lighter brown buttons. His head is also a lot fatter than the rest, and so is his body. He takes commands easily if fish is promised.

=== Draco Malfoy ===
Draco Malfoy is a spoiled little brat with a lot of money, and Harry Potter’s rival. He has the head shape of Ron, but has an extremely larger head compared to his, representing his big-headedness. He has light blonde hair, an angry expression, two darker yellow angry eyebrows and light blue eyes with a highlight and dark point. His robe is basically like the others, besides the fact his Hogwarts symbol is green and white, instead of red and yellow. He has so far only appeared in the Potter Puppet Pals Adventure. From what is said, Malfoy would love to do lots of harm to Potter. No puppet created yet.

=== The Butterflies ===
Ron just ADORES these butterflies. He probably frollicks with them ten times a day. First debuting in the secret scene in Trouble at Hogwarts, there are 4 of them, all on sticks, and very simplified. Basically four colored wings. The four colors are red, blue, pink and green. The red butterfly has a stick that goes straight up and down, the blue butterfly curves to the right, so does the pink, and the green butterfly curves to the right. The idea was probably based on the scene in the Chamber of Secrets movie when Ron and Harry see a trail of spiders leading into the forest, and Hagrid has given the words of advice to “follow the spiders”. When entering into the forest, Ron exclaims, “Follow the spiders… why couldn’t it have been follow the BUTTERFLIES?!”. They can be seen in the last moments of Get the Snitch in the audience, if you use the scene by scene.

=== Neville Longbottom ===
Portrayed by a butternut squash with a Hogwarts uniform and face drawn on in biro. He made his first appearence in Wizard Swears.He has not appeared since then, due to the fact he was indeed a squash on a stick, therefor mostlikeley eaten or rotten.

== External Links ==
[https://www.youtube.com/@potterpuppetpals Potter Puppet Pals on Youtube]

File:HETVLogofull.png

2025-07-19T09:51:36Z

Callowrat:

File:HETVlogo.jpg

2025-07-19T09:37:06Z

Callowrat:

New Kids on the Rock 6: The New New Kid on the Rock

2025-07-19T09:20:38Z

Callowrat: edited company

{{Infobox_video
|title = NKOTR: The New New Kid on the Rock
|video_Category = Short films
|series = [[New Kids on the Rock]]
|creator = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]]
|company = [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plymouth_Rock_Studios Plymouth Rock Studios]
|cast = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]], [[Jake Quilty-Dunn]]
|crew = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]]
|year = July 24, 2009<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20090727162103/http://www.hollywoodeasttv.com/video/the-new-new-kid-on-the-rock</ref>
|screenshot = nnkotr.jpg
|duration = 08:18
|lastEpisode = [[New Kids on the Rock: Ryan's Christmas Wish | Ryan's Christmas Wish]] (Christmas Special)
|thisEpisode = '''The New New Kid on the Rock''' (Season 2, Episode 1)
|nextEpisode = [[New Kids on the Rock 7: Unlucked | Unlucked]] (s2, e2) (Canceled)
}}

The New Kids on the Rock experience their greatest foe to date- the "Great North American White Hipster."

== Transcript ==
''(The New Kids are preparing fishing lines.)''
Kevin: You know guys, I’m really excited to be doing this family-friendly children-oriented fishing webisode.
Neil: Yeah, me too! I mean, now that the studio’s dropped those charges against us, this will literally be a cinch!
Ryan: Yeah, and I’m excited to get a whole bucket of worms to bring with us!
Kevin: Yup! Between fishing and all the webisodes, things couldn’t be going better for the three of us.
''(There is a loud noise of glass shattering.)''
Neil: Oh! That must be another brick from those people who keep throwing bricks at us.
Kevin: Wait, wait- what?
Ryan: Another one? I’d say we’re about a dozen away from finishing that new fire pit outside!
Kevin: Wait, does this happen all the time when I’m not around or something?
Neil: Hey! It’s actually a message from the studio this time, guys!
Kevin: Well, I guess that’s a relief. What does it say?
Neil: *ahem* “Dear New Kids on the Rock. Fantastic work on your World-War-One-disillusioned-Hemingway-esque webisode. We are all very happy with the material you’ve given us so far. But, after a very productive board meeting, we have decided that you could be doing even better.”
Kevin: …Well, it’s good to know that they like the progress of our work.
Ryan: Yeah! What strangely mixed signals. Go on, please.
Neil: Thank you, Ryan. “In order to increase your appeal to a younger, hipper, trendier audience, we have decided to add a new New Kid on the Rock to your team.” Well, that sure is a surprise. I mean, who’s this new kid-
Spencer: Sup bros! I’m Spencer, the new rocker kid!
''(The camera zooms into his face and his name appears in bold, colorful text. There is the sound of thunder.)''
Ryan: You mean New Kid on the Rock?
Spencer: Yeah, whatever, Theodore Brosevelt.
Neil: Well-well, Spencer, it’s nice to meet you. Uh, how did you find our clubhouse?
Spencer: Oh, these nice bros with a bunch of bricks and a gun gave me directions on the way here.
Ryan: Yeah! More bricks!
Kevin: Um. It’s really great to meet you and all, Spencer, but, um, I just don’t think we need a fourth member of the team. We’ve been doing pretty good.
Spencer: That’s not what the dudes back at the station told me. You guys need a new edge. You’re totally out of touch with the kids. That’s why I’m here to show you bros what’s bitchin’ and what’s totally whack.
''(Neil looks confusedly at Spencer’s Hulkamania shirt.)''
Spencer: I of course only use the term “whack” ironically.
Kevin: So we’re gonna start our fishing webisode. You, uh, don’t wanna come with, do you?
Spencer: Tcha! I mean, fishing is so, like, the new golf, or whatever.
''(Ryan and Kevin look at Spencer awkwardly. Spencer pulls up a skateboard.)''
Spencer: I have a skateboard!
''(The New Kids and Spencer are walking through the forest with their fishing lines. The New Kids are in their usual close line, while Spencer lags slightly behind and is smoking.)''
Spencer: Sorry bros, scuse, but I just got a sick text that I’m now going to rudely interrupt everything we were doing to answer.
''(Spencer begins texting. The New Kids huddle.)''
Kevin: Okay, seriously, what the hell is going on?
Neil: I don’t know. Why did the studio send us this guy?
Ryan: I don’t know, I think he’s all right.
Neil: No, no, no, he’s like, takin’ MySpace pictures over there.
''(Shot of Spencer taking photos of himself smoking.)''
Neil: He’s like a hipster. It’s terrible.
Kevin: Yeah, seriously. And earlier today, we were talking about comic books, right? And Superman comes up, and he’s all like “Oh! I like it!”
Ryan: What’s wrong with that?
Kevin: He doesn’t actually ‘like’ superman comics. He likes them… ironically.
Ryan: Okay, okay, let’s just give him another chance. Let’s see what he’s up to. Come on
Spencer: Sorry about that, A-bro-ham Lincolns. I just got this nasty text saying that my girl Cynthia told Pam about this reality show that she should totally check. But she wasn’t really into it, ‘cause she’s going to the Crying Fish concert tonight, even though they’re totally like, a ripoff of Saturated Towels in Bloom, you know?
Neil: …Great. Let’s go fishing.
''(They are indoors in a bathroom.)''
Spencer: Facebook’s totally like the new MySpace. I mean, I only keep a MySpace ‘cause it’s like, ironic.
Kevin: Hey Spencer. Have you ever tried… not talking like that?
''(Ryan pops up from below with a bucket.)''
Ryan: I brought the worms!
Kevin: Hmm. All right. let’s set the white balance for this shot.
Spencer: You should totally do the white balance on like a green piece of paper. You know, like, add some am-bi-an-ce to the scene? I mean, green’s the new white anyway.
Kevin: …Or we can balance off something white, like what it’s called! Let’s go do it.
''(Shot through the camera of Neil and Ryan.)''
Kevin: I’m rolling.
Neil: Gee. Fishing sure is fun. But I hope we don’t run into the ghost of that horrible sea yeti again.
Ryan: Yeah. If we run into that sea yeti again, it sure would give conflict to our plot. Sure would be horrible if it showed up, and, you know, tried to eat some…. bo-
''(Spencer wanders into the shot.)''
Spencer: Dude, yeti? Yeti are like, so 2006. The chupacabra is totally the new yeti.
Kevin: No they’re not.
Neil: Um, Spencer? Why don’t you go off frame until we need you, okay?
Spencer: So what should I be doing in this quote video unquote?
Neil: Uh, did you just say “quote” phonetically?
Spencer: Well, tcha!
Neil: Just one second.
''(He and Kevin climb into the shower and close the curtain.)''
Neil: We have to do something about this guy.
Kevin: I know. Seriously, he’s such a… fool!
Neil: I know. We need Ryan on board, though. I think he’s on Spencer’s side.
Kevin: Don’t worry my friend. We simply have to give it time.
''(Shot of Spencer and Ryan laughing at what appears to be a Happy Meal picnic.)''
Spencer: So dude, I heard through the clothesline that you make videos where you like, talk to squids or something?
Ryan: You know, I do talk to squids, but I’ve never actually filmed myself doing it. How did you know that?
Spencer: Well you know, I think that like, if you want to do something, and, you know, you like, think about doing it, it’s kind of like the same thing as actually doing it. Or whatever.
Ryan: No.
Spencer: Well, I mean, with like, global warming, and the War in Iraq, I mean, how can we be expected to actually DO anything?
Ryan: Yeah. I guess you’re right, man.
Spencer: No, no, no. “I guess you’re right, BRO man.”
Ryan: Yeah. Bro.
''(Kevin and Neil are watching through binoculars.)''
Neil: He’s converting Ryan to his wicked scenester ways! We’ve gotta stop him!
Kevin: We have to be patient, my friend. Patience is key.
Ryan: Man, I’m hungry. Let’s whip out those burgers and fries, man.
Spencer: Waha. Bro, fries are so conformist. I only eat onion rings.
''(Ryan looks positively shocked.)''
Ryan: …Onion? ….Rings?
Spencer: Yeah bro! When I order from a massive fast-food conglomerate, I get slightly less popular food. Besides, they go great with my MP3 player!
''(He holds up an iPod nano.)''
Ryan: I- I’ve gotta go.
''(He runs off, and gets grabbed and pulled off by Neil and Kevin.)''
Neil: Listen Ryan, that Spencer kid? He’s not what he seems.
Kevin: Yeah. he’s bad news, seriously. He acts like he’s cool and everything, but he’s totally not. Oh, with his liking things… ironically.
Ryan: No guys! I- I totally agree! I mean, I thought that he was cool, too! But then it turns out… he gets onion rings instead of fries.
''(Neil and Kevin look somewhat confused.)''
Kevin: Yeah that’s why we don’t like them either.
Neil: Don’t worry Ryan, we’re like seven steps ahead of you.
Ryan: You mean-?
Neil: That’s right. Me and Kevin have developed a plan to remove said miscreant from our midst. Observe.
''(Ryan looks through the binoculars to one of those box-propped-on-a-stick traps. Several shirts are the bait.)''
Kevin: No scenester can resist-
Neil: Novelty and ironic T-shirts.
''(Spencer sees the shirts and crawls under the box to get them.)''
Neil: One,
Ryan: Two,
Kevin: Three!
''(They pull a rope and trap Spencer. They charge at the box screaming and seal it with tape. They write “to Outer Space 02115” on the outside, kick the box a few times, and paste stamps on it.)''
Ryan: We’re gonna need more stamps than that, Neil. Outer Space is pretty far away.
''(Neil pulls out a large number of stamps from the roll. They place the box next to a mailbox and kick it several more times. They run off, but Neil returns to lift the mailbox flag.)''
''(Cut to Outer Space. The box is floating through the void.)''
Spencer: I’ll get you, you New Kids on the Rock!
''(The New Kids are laughing in the living room again.)''
Neil: Well, I’m sure glad all that nonsense is out of our hair.
Ryan: Mmm-hmm.
Kevin: Seriously. Looks like everything’s back to normal.
Ryan: Heh, yeah, that sure was a close one. Hey, you know, earlier today I was talking to those nice guys who keep giving us bricks, and one of them asked really ominously where we’d like our teeth to be mailed if they were the only remnants of our body recovered by the police.
Kevin: Oh come on now. That’s an easy one, Ryan!
Ryan: …Really?
Neil: Oh yeah! Sure it is!
Ryan: Well, where would they go?
Neil: H-T-T-P-:-/-/-W-W-W-DOT
All three: Hollywoodeasttv.com!
''(Credits.)''

== Video ==

<youtube>w7N6yFyvP4I</youtube>

=== Credits ===
* '''''Cast'''''
** '''Neil Cicierega:''' ''Self''
** '''Kevin James:''' ''Self''
** '''Ryan Murphy:''' ''Self''
** '''Jake Quilty-Dunn:''' ''Spencer''

* '''''Crew'''''
** '''Created By:''' ''Neil Cicierega, Kevin James, Ryan Murphy''
** '''Edited By:''' ''Kevin James, Neil Cicierega''
** '''Original Music By:''' ''Neil Cicierega''

== Trivia ==
* 02115 is a zip code located in Boston, Massachusetts.

New Kids on the Rock 5: The Vigilante

2025-07-19T09:20:09Z

Callowrat: edited company

{{Infobox_video
|title = NKOTR: The Vigilante
|video_Category = Short films
|series = [[New Kids on the Rock]]
|creator = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]]
|company = [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plymouth_Rock_Studios Plymouth Rock Studios]
|cast = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]], TJ O'Brien, Steve Madden
|crew = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]], TJ O'Brien
|year = September 15, 2008<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20090207033007/http://www.hollywoodeasttv.com/video/2131296:Video:27883</ref>
|screenshot = nkotr5full.png
|duration = 06:05
|lastEpisode = [[New Kids on the Rock 4: The Curse of Spooky Manor | Pilot]] (s1, e4)
|thisEpisode = '''The Vigilante''' (Season 1, Episode 5) (Season Finale)
|nextEpisode = [[New Kids on the Rock: Ryan's Christmas Wish | Ryan's Christmas Wish]] (Christmas Special)
}}

== Transcription ==
''(The screen shows a field of stars, with text over it.)''
Text: SEVERAL WEEKS AGO IN PLYMOUTH, MASSACHUSETTS A LONE MOVIE STUDIO HIRED THREE OF THE SOUTH SHORE’S FINEST TO MAKE SHORT FILMS. TOGETHER, THEY BECAME A BAND OF MOVIE MAKERS THE LIKES OF WHICH HAVE NEVER BEEN SEEN. NEW KIDS ON THE ROCK.
''(The New Kids are walking outside at night, eating ice cream.)''
Kevin: Mmmm! Boy, that cookie dough sure is good tonight, guys!
Neil: This black raspberry is delicious!
Ryan: Mmmm! And this sherbet’s pretty good, too!
Kevin: Oh Ryan! You’re so weird!
''(Ryan looks at Kevin. Suddenly music starts to play. A person is listening to rap on a boombox. The rap continues to play under some of the dialogue.)''
You say “what,” I say “kill you”
“What” “kill you” “What” “kill you”
You say “who” I say “holies(?)”
“Who” “holies” “Who” “holies”
You say “good” I say “burger”
“Good” “burger” “Good” “burger”
You say “Kenan” I say “Kam”
“Kenan” “Kam” “Kenan” “Kam”
You say “what,” I say “kill you”
“What” “kill you” “What” “kill you”
You say “who” I say “holies(?)”
“Who” “holies” “Who” “holies”
You say “good” I say “burger”
“Good” “burger” “Good” “burger”
You say “Kenan” I say “Kam”
“Kenan” “Kam” “Kenan” “Kam”
You say “what-”
Kevin: Say man, you mind turning that music down?
Neil: Yeah, we’re trying to enjoy our ice cream!
''(The person puts down the boombox and walks towards the New Kids.)
Person: Maybe I wanna keep my music on? And maybe… I want those ice creams. Give ‘em to me.
Neil: No! Not our ice creams!
''(Ryan throws his ice cream over his shoulder and walks over to the person and beats them up. Neil and Kevin drop their ice cream in surprise. Finally Ryan kicks the person into their boombox, which turns off with a record scratch sound.)
Kevin: Wow Ryan, that was great! You should do that more often! God.
''(Kevin and Neil walk off.)
Neil: Did you see that? He iced that mofo!
Kevin: Yeah, tell me about it.
''(Ryan is staring at his hands. The scene changes to inside his house, and he is still staring.)
Neil: Hey Ryan, what’s the matter? You’ve been in your study for hours.
Ryan: I’ve never done anything like that. I’ve never been in a fight in my life. I- I didn’t know I could move like that.
Neil: Ryan, I think it’s time you knew.
''(Neil pulls a book on the shelf, which then moves over to reveal a doorway. They enter the dark hallway beyond.)
Neil: Ryan, you come from a long line of crime-fighters. Rogue vigilantes, who decided to make a difference.
''(Neil motions to clearly edited photos of Ryan. One with a beard and bowler hat, one with an eyepatch and sailor hat, and one with large round glasses and a goatee.)
Neil: Your father, his father before him, and his father’s father. Each of them took a vow,
''(Ryan is now suiting up in Batman-style, including a mask and goggles.)
Neil: To take a stand against the powers of evil. You too can become a symbol of hope for those in peril. You too can become the guardian of the well-being of the people of Plymouth. Yes you, Ryan, can become… the black man.
''(They are back in the passageway.)
Ryan: I’ll work on the name, but generally I like it!
''(Cut to a parking lot at night. A man exits a convenience store and goes to unlock his car. The door is slammed by Ryan, in full gear.)
Ryan: (talking in a guttural voice) I find your parking job a bit misleading. Don’t you?
Man: Excuse me?
Ryan: You’re parked at the dry cleaner’s, wasting a valuable parking space.
''(The camera shows that the dry cleaner’s is closed.)
Ryan: All so that you could go buy some chips. That might be okay where you’re from, but that kind of action won’t fly in my town.
''(Ryan pulls the man over and beats him up.)
''(Kevin is reading a paper with the headline “CRAZED VIGILANTE STRIKES AGAIN.” Neil is eating cereal.)
Kevin: Neil, I think Ryan’s completely lost it.
Neil: Kevin, I think it’s time you knew.
''(Neil opens the passageway again and shows Kevin the three photos.)
Neil: Ryan’s entire bloodline is completely insane. Every damn one of them.
Kevin: My god. Why didn’t you tell Ryan about this?
Neil: Um, I don’t know. I just wanted to see if he’d do it.
''(Ryan is out on the hunt once more. A man jaywalks.)
Ryan: (in the same guttural voice) Jaywalking!
''(He leaps into action and accosts the jaywalker in an alley.)
Ryan: Just who do you think you are?
Person: Hey man, what’s the big idea?
Ryan: You think you’re brave? Think your some kind of tough guy? Think you can just walk around, doing anything you want? We’ll see how brave you are when we take off these sunglasses and hat-
''(The person is revealed to by Kevin.)
Ryan: Ke-ke-ke (normally) Kevin.
Kevin: Don’t you see, Ryan? How crazy it’s all gotten? We’re afraid of you! You and your… twisted version of justice! You’re a horrible fascist. You have to choose now: beat me senseless and uphold your… “law,” or go back to being the Ryan Murphy we’ve all come to know and love?
Ryan: I- I-
''(He takes off the mask and glasses.)
Ryan: I choose to be your friend, Kevin. I- I’m sorry. This all got way out of hand. Let’s- let’s just go home.
''(Neil pops up and holds a rag to Ryan’s face. Ryan passes out.)
Kevin: Good job, Neil.
Neil: Couldn’t have done it without my chloroform!
''(The three are now out in a pristine lake setting. Ryan is fishing. Kevin skips a rock, and Neil simply throws one in.)
Neil: You know guys, these past few weeks have been quite amazing, haven’t they?
Ryan: Indeed, they have. Y’know, we never made a webisode this week.
Neil: Hmm.
Kevin: Yeah, but none of that matters now.
Ryan: Because we get paid up-front?
Kevin: Because there’ll be more webisodes to come. More stories.
Neil: More adventures.
Ryan: More movies.
Kevin: Think they’ll know where to look for them?
Neil: Oh, I think they’ll know where.
''(“Hollywoodeasttv.com” is emblazoned on the sky, next to the moon. A comet shines across the screen, collides with the moon, and explodes.)
Ryan: Ooh.
''(Credits roll.)
New Kids on the Rock
New Kids on the Rock, Rock, Rock, Rock,
New Kids on the Rock
New Kids on the Rock

== Video ==

<youtube>FXEPD75Y2P8</youtube>

=== Credits ===
* '''''Cast'''''
** '''Neil Cicierega:''' ''Self''
** '''Kevin James:''' ''Self''
** '''Ryan Murphy:''' ''Self''
** '''TJ O'Brien:''' ''The Innocent Man''
** '''Steve Madden:''' ''The Thug''

* '''''Crew:'''''
** '''Created By:''' ''Neil Cicierega, Kevin James, Ryan Murphy''
** '''Grip:''' ''TJ O'Brien''
** '''Edited By:''' ''Kevin James''
** '''Original Music By:''' ''Neil Cicierega''

== Trivia ==

New Kids on the Rock 4: The Curse of Spooky Manor

2025-07-19T09:19:34Z

Callowrat: edited company

{{Infobox_video
|title = NKOTR: The Curse of Spooky Manor
|video_Category = Short films
|series = [[New Kids on the Rock]]
|creator = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]]
|company = [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plymouth_Rock_Studios Plymouth Rock Studios]
|cast = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]], Dave Pollick
|crew = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]]
|year = September 2, 2008<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20090412152553/http://www.hollywoodeasttv.com/video/2131296:Video:25270</ref>
|screenshot = nkotr4full.png
|duration = 08:09
|lastEpisode = [[New Kids on the Rock 3: Bully Troubles | Bully Troubles]] (s1, e3)
|thisEpisode = '''The Curse of Spooky Manor''' (Season 1, Episode 4)
|nextEpisode = [[New Kids on the Rock 5: The Vigilante | The Vigilante]] (s1, e5)
}}

Our heroes go on their spookiest adventure yet...

== Transcript ==
''(The usual intro is replaced with spooky green text and the music only utilizes a single singer.)''
Singer: Neeeewwww Kiiiidsss Ooooonnn Theeeeee Roooooock! Mya-ha-ha-ha-ha!
''(The New Kids are playing with an Ouija board. Kevin is writing down the message)''
Neil and Ryan: D… I…. O… S.
Neil: What does that spell, Kevin?
Kevin: Hey! It’s a message from the studio, guys!
Ryan: Golly!
Kevin: Dear New Kids on the Rock.
''(He indicates that they are the New Kids on the Rock.)''
Kevin: Great job on your dystopian cyberpunk webisode! Unfortunately, we cannot give you your paycheck however, due to a minor stipulation in your contract, until you have spent one night in… Spooky Manor?
''(Lightning flashes.)''
Ryan: Golly!
Kevin: Sincerely, Plymouth Rock Studios. I don’t like the sound of this one bit, guys.
Neil: Me neither. I mean, you know what they say about Spooky Manor, right guys?
Ryan: No. What do they say?
''(Neil walks to a window with a ridiculously overdone “Spooky Manor” visible outside.)''
Neil: They say… it’s haunted!
Kevin: Horsefeathers. Neil, I thought you were a man of science.
Neil: Science? There’s no SCIENCE where we’re going tonight, my friends. Only blood-curdling horrors from beyond. Ryan, do you have your toothbrush?
Ryan: (Holding up three toothbrushes) I have all our toothbrushes.
Neil: Good. Let’s go!
''(The three are cheerfully walking up a hill with sleeping bags, presumably towards Spooky Manor.)''
Kevin: You know, this is actually pretty exciting. I really like sleepovers.
Neil: Yeah, I’m actually not scared at all.
Ryan: Nothing could possibly deter us!
Cooper: Fools! Naive children!
Neil: It’s Old Man Cooper, the groundskeeper!
Kevin: Hey mister! What’s the big idea?
Cooper: There ain’t but one thing you’re gonna find in that HORRIBLE old house, and that’s DOOM with a capital “OOM.” Take it from me, Old Man Cooper, an innocent old groundskeeper with no particular vested interest in that HORRIBLE house!
''(The New Kids pause for a moment, and walk away.)''
Ryan: I guess he just really cares.
Kevin: Eh, he’s just bustin’ our chops. It’s an old man thing.
Neil: Yeah, to hell with him! Let’s just forget about his existence entirely.
''(They enter the house.)''
Neil: This must be the place.
Ryan: Golly!
Neil: Spooky Manor, the spookiest manor in Plymouth County.
Kevin: Spooky Manor! I’ve eaten spookier manors than this for breakfast. In my sleep. C’mon guys! Let’s go.
Neil: *gulp*
''(A painting of a covered bridge opens two small holes and eyes peek through.)''
''(The sleepover has begun.)''
Neil: I dunno, just something about this place gives me the creeps.
Kevin: Are you sure it’s not just Ryan?
''(Ryan grins creepily.)''
Neil: No, something far more sinister lurks in this house, Kevin.
Ryan: Maybe it’s… a ghost?!
Neil: Yeah, I’m guessing it’s either a ghost, or Count Dracula.
Kevin: Relax Neil, there’s no such thing as counts.
''(A grandfather clock chimes ominously.)''
Kevin: Well, it’s time for bed, guys! Let’s hit the hay.
Ryan: Yeah. I’m gonna sleep like a giant baby tonight.
Neil: Hey, maybe one of us should like, stand guard while the others sleep. Y’know, we could do it in shifts.
Kevin: That’s a great idea. You go first.
Ryan: (throwing Neil a flashlight) Sleep tight!
''(Neil goes exploring up to the second floor. He walks across a creaky floor, almost knocks over a lamp, and is startled by a creepy music box.)''
Neil: Whew. Just a creepy old music box.
''(Neil turns to see a man in a black robe and skeleton mask behind him. As Neil gasps, the camera moves to Kevin sleeping, downstairs.)''
Neil: (offscreen) AAAAAAHHHHHH!
''(Ryan awakens.)''
Neil: AAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
Ryan: Kevin! Kevin, wake up!
Kevin: Mmmm. What is it?
Ryan: Wait, wait…
Neil: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
Ryan: What’s that noise?
Kevin: It’s probably just the wind or something. Go back to sleep.
Ryan: No, I think it’s Neil screaming.
Neil: AAAAAHHHH! AHHHHHHHH! AAAAAAAAHHHHH!
Kevin: Oh yeah, it does kinda sound like that, doesn’t it?
Ryan: We should help him.
Kevin: *snores*
Ryan: WE SHOULD HELP HIM.
Kevin: All right. All right.
Neil: AAAAAAHHH! AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!
''(They walk into the room where Neil was last seen.)''
Kevin: (whispering) Neil! Where is he?
Ryan: Hey, there he is!
''(Neil is is a fetal position, holding his flashlight like a weapon.)''
Ryan: Hey Neil!
Neil: Ah!
Kevin and Ryan: Ah!
Neil: AHH!
Kevin and Ryan: AHH!
Neil: AAAHH!
Kevin and Ryan: AAAHH!
Neil: …Oh hey!
Ryan: What’s wrong, Neil?
Neil: I saw… a- a GHOUL!
Kevin: Okay, come on now, Neil. A ghoul?
Neil: What, what, waddaya want, proof?
Kevin: No, it’s all just a little bit-
Neil: (with cellphone) ‘Cause I took a picture.
Kevin: Oh wow.
Ryan: That’s a ghoul all right.
Neil: See? See, there was this ghoul, and he sneered right at me. And he spooked me.
Ryan: Golly!
''(Kevin stands up next to a ceramic fish.)''
Kevin: I don’t know, guys. There’s something mighty fishy about all this. Maybe it’s time we… investigate?
Ryan: Yeah!
Neil: YEEAAAAH!
''(They are exploring the house.)''
Kevin: I think we’d better split up.
Ryan: I agree with Kevin.
Kevin: Thank you, Ryan. I’m gonna head down this way.
''(Kevin leaves.)''
Ryan: Let’s not split up. Kevin is filled with terrible ideas.
Neil: Okay Ryan.
Ryan: Let’s go this way (Kevin is in the basement.)''
Kevin: A-ha!
''(He runs over to a dufflebag and takes out some money. He smells it.)''
Kevin: Counterfeit money. And what’s that?
''(He pulls some CDs out of a backpack.)''
Kevin: Pirated software. The plot thickens.
''(He runs over to a wall of gardening tools.)''
Kevin: Gardening tools. And a wallet, belonging to Old Man Cooper! Hmm… WAIT A MINUTE!
''(Neil and Ryan are walking down a hallway.)''
Ryan: So you’re sure that you saw a ghoul, Neil?
Neil: I swear on your grave, Ryan. I saw a ghoul.
Ryan: No, I believe you, but I don’t know, I’m starting to develop pretty atheistic views about the possibility of the existence of, y’know, supernatural beeeiiiii-AHHH!
''(Neil and Ryan both scream as the camera pans to show the ghoul is in front of them.)''
Ghoul: Leave this place at once, New Kids on the Rock! Or else!
Neil: What-whatever you say, Mr. Ghoul!
Ghoul: NOOWWWWW!
''(Kevin enters with a backhoe.)''
Kevin: They ain’t goin’ anyweah!
''(He throws the hoe. Although the ghoul catches it, he still falls backward, incapacitated.)''
Ghoul: Oh no!
Ryan: Kevin!
Neil: You’re alive!
Ryan: And you saved us!
Kevin: With a little investigating, I managed to find some counterfeit money and gardening tools in the basement. Looks like the show’s over for Mr. Ghoul here, or should I say, Old Man Coo-
''(As Kevin removes the ghoul’s mask, tentacles spew forth. They all scream. The tentacles remove Kevin’s eyes.)''
Kevin: MY EYES!
''(They continue to scream, and Neil and Ryan run away and escape. Kevin tries to run away, but hits a wall.)''
''(Neil and Ryan are now sitting in a cemetery with a small jar.)''
Neil: Well, I’m sure glad we got the paycheck!
Ryan: Yeah! And we only have to split it two ways!
Neil: AND our dystopian cyberpunk webisode was a smash hit!
Ryan: What do you think about it, Kevin?
''(The camera shows the jar, which has a picture labeled “prestige” on the front.)''
Ryan: Wait, Kevin can’t talk. He’s dead.
Neil: Oh. Poor Kevin.
Ryan: So where do you suppose he went? To Heaven or to Hell?
Neil: Oh, neither.
Ryan: Well then, where did he go?
Neil: H-T-T-P-:-/-/-W-W-W-DOT
Neil and Ryan: HOLLYWOODEASTTV.COM!
''(The URL appears on the screen. The credits roll. At the end, as a post-credits scene, it shows the Kevin jar.)''
Kevin: (muffled) I’m dead!

== Video ==

<youtube>pYJMtA5NlCU</youtube>

=== Credits ===
* '''''Cast'''''
** '''Neil Cicierega:''' ''Self''
** '''Kevin James:''' ''Self''
** '''Ryan Murphy:''' ''Self''
** '''Dave Pollick:''' ''Old Man Cooper''

* '''''Crew:'''''
** '''Created By:''' ''Neil Cicierega, Kevin James, Ryan Murphy''
** '''Original Score By:''' ''Neil Cicierega''

== Trivia ==

New Kids on the Rock 3: Bully Troubles

2025-07-19T09:19:16Z

Callowrat: edited company

{{Infobox_video
|title = NKOTR: Bully Troubles
|video_Category = Short films
|series = [[New Kids on the Rock]]
|creator = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]]
|company = [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plymouth_Rock_Studios Plymouth Rock Studios]
|cast = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]], Max Pacheco, [[Ben Cicierega]], Steve Bailey
|crew = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]]
|year = August 18, 2008<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20100326014611/http://www.hollywoodeasttv.com/video/video/show?id=2131296:Video:22460</ref>
|screenshot = nkotr3full.png
|duration = 06:36
|lastEpisode = [[New Kids on the Rock 2: Romantic Comedy | Romantic Comedy]] (s1, e2)
|thisEpisode = '''Bully Troubles''' (Season 1, Episode 3)
|nextEpisode = [[New Kids on the Rock 4: The Curse of Spooky Manor | The Curse of Spooky Manor]] (s1, e4)
}}

The guys are terrorized by a high school bully.

== Transcript ==
''(The title appears over a school while a bell rings.)''
''(Neil, Ryan and Kevin start to cross a street)''
Ryan: So according to this ancient stone tablet we got from the studio, we’ve got to make ourselves a psychological thriller webisode.
Neil: Oh that should be fun.
Kevin: Hey guys lets cut the film talk for 10 seconds, we’re going to be late to class.
Ryan and Neil: Oh yeah.
Neil: Hey wait a minute, we’re-we’re 21, we don’t go to high school, anymore.
Kevin: Oh.
Ryan: Let’s get out of here.
''(They turn around and leave.)''
''(Max has Ben pinned to a wall.)''
Max: Your money or your teeth, kid.
''(Neil, Ryan and Kevin walk by.)''
Kevin: Hey, what are you guys up to?
Max: What did you say?
Neil: It’s Max! No-nothing Max. We didn’t know it was you.
Max: What do you fart faces want? You looking for a knuckle sandPUNCH?
Ben: They aren’t fart faces, they’re the New Kids on the Rock, and they won’t let you get away with this!
Kevin (whispering): Shut up.
Max: New Kids on the Rock huh? More like News Kids… that… suck! Heh, oh that’s great I got to write that one down. (He pulls out a notebook) Let’s see here, newwwwwww, k, kid…
''(Neil, Ryan and Kevin run away, quickly followed by Ben.)''
Max: Oh I’ll get you, you new kids, that suck.
''(Kevin is doing repairs to his car.)''
Kevin: Fixin’ my car, fixin’ my truck, fixin’ her good, fixin’ her up… What the- Hey!
''(Max has pinned Kevin against his car.)''
Kevin: Max! Funny, seeing you here! In my… house…
Max: Heh. Kevin James. More like… Kevin LAMES!
Kevin: No! Not Kevin Lames! That’s mean!
''(Max gives Kevin a huge wedgie. Kevin screams.)''
''(Neil is playing with his Ron and Harry puppets.)''
Neil: (talking through Harry) and that’s why people with red hair can never learn to love, Ron. (talking through Ron) But what about all of these mixed up feeling I feel inside, Harry? (Speaking through Harry) The only thing YOU can feel inside is… (Neil pauses to look at the puppets) The only thing you can f- (Neil stops talking with the puppets) What is- what the heck? Some kind of strange powder, and it itches.
''(Shot of Max holding a container labeled “ITCHING POWDER” and laughing.)''
''(Max is pouring glue into Ryan’s shoes. Ryan rolls out of bed and shuffles over to put his shoes on. Max hits him repeatedly with a baseball bat.)''
''(The three New Kids on the Rock are sitting together. Neil is wearing heavy rubber gloves, Kevin is sitting as though in pain, and Ryan is beat up and not wearing shoes.)''
Kevin: God, Max has been bullying us all for years!
Neil: Well of course he has! He’s the biggest, meanest, scariest guy in town!
Ryan: I know! We’re helpless!
Kevin: Wait! That’s it!
Ryan: What? What’s it?
Kevin: Don’t you guys see it? WE’RE helpless, alone. But what about… together?
Neil: That’s right! With our
''(The three move their hands together and a light shines.)''
All three: COMBINED EFFORTS
Neil: It could be enough to finally teach that bully a lesson!
Ryan: We’re going to have to come up with a plan.
Kevin: I know what we could do. Max thinks he’s soooo cool with that car he’s got, right?
Neil: Mmm-hmm.
Kevin: We’ll just head down and grab a potato, and stick it in his car’s exhaust pipe. That way the whole thing reeks like a potato when he turns it over.
Neil: Hahahahaha, Oh his face’ll be so red!
Ryan: Yeah! (taking out a baggie of hair) And then we can sneak into his house late at night, and I’ll take a little pair of tweezers and we’ll pry his mouth open, and we’ll fill it with all these little hairballs that I’ve been collecting from combs and things of women over the last eight months!
Kevin: …OR we could do the potato thing I just said.
Neil: (standing up) We shall find the greatest potato in the town! Let’s put this plan into action.
''(Max is shooting crows with a slingshot next to his car.)''
Max: Heheheh. Stupid bird.
''(Steve runs up to Max.)''
Steve: Hey mister? Mister, could you help me find my dog, please? I lost him all the way over there, and he’s been gone for almost a day now. Could- could you please help me find him?
Max: Sure, I’ll help you find your puppy.
Steve: Thanks, mister!
Max: With a KNUCKLE SANDWICH! With my FIST! IN YOUR FACE!
''(Steve runs away as Max laughs.)''
Max: (kisses fist) Ah.
''(He pulls out his notebook and adds another tally mark for “crying kids.”)''
Max: Heh. I’m gonna put this one on the fridge.
''(The New Kids are watching over a pile of rocks.)''
Kevin: All right guys, everyone remember their positions?
Ryan: I- I really don’t like this plan.
Neil: It’s okay, Ryan. It’s not your fault.
Kevin: All right, let’s put this plan into action. Come on.
''(Max is admiring his notebook.)''
Ryan: Hey there, Sonny!
''(Ryan is wearing a ridiculous vaudeville-style outfit and holding several LPs, the top of which shows a drawing of a banana.)''
Ryan: You seem like the kind of fella who’s KEEN on MUSIC!
''(Neil and Kevin are placing the potato in Max’s exhaust pipe.)''
Ryan: I’m selling these RECORDS to try and get money for my VAUDEVILLE troupe! We’ve got all KINDS of music! Why, say there! Do- do you kids like the jaa-
''(Max starts strangling Ryan.)''
Ryan: As a matter of fact, you can just take some of them! or.. all of them! I don’t know… eh?
Max: Hey. Didn’t I already beat you up today?
Ryan: Yeah! And it doesn’t count if it’s twice in the same day, y’know?
''(Ryan runs off.)''
Max: Oh yeah. Hey, what?
''(The three New Kids are now grouped together in safety behind the rock pile.)''
Ryan: Did it work?
Kevin: We’re gonna find out!
Ryan: Let’s go take a look!
Max: Ehh, I’ll get him twice tomorrow.
''(He gets in the car and turns it on. The car violently explodes.)''
Neil: Wha-? Whaah! (He catches a shoe) Oh my god!
Kevin: I can’t believe that just happened.
Ryan: Well, that’s that!
Neil: Waddaya mean, “that’s that?” We just- we just killed a man! I mean-
''(Kevin picks up the potato.)''
Ryan: I know. We didn’t even get our webisode done yet this week!
Neil: Who cares about the webisode?! I mean, is there gonna be a funeral? I mean-
Kevin: You want a baked potato?
Neil: (throwing it to the ground) Oh my god, that’s the death potato!
''(The three are now on a playground slide.)''
Kevin: I’m sure glad everything turned out okay in the end.
Ryan: Yeah, we got our psychological thriller webisode done in record time.
Neil: Yeah. Y’know, I think this is our best one yet.
Kevin: Yeah, Ryan, that Scorsese you pulled in the dream sequence? Fantastic!
Ryan: Hey, thanks man! And Neil, I really like the way you completely redefined film as an art form.
Neil: Hey, it’s-it’s what I do!
Kevin: Hey! It’s done uploading!
Neil: I hope they like it!
Ryan: What is this website called again?
Neil: H-T-T-P-:-/-/-W-W-W-dot
''(They slide down the slide as the URL follows them.)''
All three: Hollywoodeasttv.com!
''(Credits play, with usual credits theme.)''

== Video ==

<youtube>9JTLIImGUK8</youtube>

=== Credits ===
* '''''Cast'''''
** '''Neil Cicierega:''' ''Self''
** '''Kevin James:''' ''Self''
** '''Ryan Murphy:''' ''Self''
** '''Max Pacheco:''' ''Self''
** '''Ben Cicierega:''' ''Kid 1''
** '''Steve Bailey:''' ''Kid 2''

* '''''Crew:'''''
** '''Created By:''' ''Neil Cicierega, Kevin James, Ryan Murphy''
** '''Theme Song By:''' ''Neil Cicierega''

== Trivia ==

New Kids on the Rock 2: Romantic Comedy

2025-07-19T09:18:57Z

Callowrat: edited company

{{Infobox_video
|title = NKOTR: Romantic Comedy
|video_Category = Short films
|series = [[New Kids on the Rock]]
|creator = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]]
|company = [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plymouth_Rock_Studios Plymouth Rock Studios]
|cast = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]], Kristen Hale, [[Nancy Cicierega]], TJ O'Brien, [[Emmy Cicierega]]
|crew = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]]
|year = August 4, 2008<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20090928131114/http://www.hollywoodeasttv.com/video/video/show?id=2131296%3AVideo%3A18302</ref>
|screenshot = nkotr2full.png
|duration = 07:13
|lastEpisode = [[New Kids on the Rock 1: Pilot | Pilot]] (s1, e1)
|thisEpisode = '''Romantic Comedy''' (Season 1, Episode 2)
|nextEpisode = [[New Kids on the Rock 3: Bully Troubles | Bully Troubles]] (s1, e3)
}}

Kevin goes on a date.

== Transcript ==
''(The title appears, constructed of clay.)''
SINGERS: New kids on the rock! New kids on the rock!
''(Neil, Kevin, and Ryan are walking in circles)''
RYAN: I really wish the assignment was here already.
NEIL: (sighs) I’m sure we’ll get it when the time is right.
KEVIN: (sighs) You know, I’m sure it will pop up soon.
''(An arrow with a notes hits the wall next to Kevin.)''
NEIL AND RYAN: It’s here!
''(Neil pulls out arrow and reads the note.)''
NEIL: Oh man! I’m so excited! It says… we have to make a romantic comedy episode, where Kevin gets to go on a first date, with a girl!
''(audience oohs)''
RYAN: But, but wait, Kevin already has a girlfriend.
KEVIN: Oh, what’s her name?
NEIL: Uh, Wendy.
KEVIN: Aw, that’s a cute name.
RYAN: N-no, t-this is wrong. I will have no part in this.
''(Ryan exits the door.)''
NEIL: We gotta get you ready, James.
''(Camera shows Neil helping Kevin get prepared for his date.)''
KEVIN: I don’t know, Neil. What if she doesn’t like me?
NEIL: You’re not giving yourself enough credit, buddy. I mean, you’re a good looking guy, except for that crooked eye thing.
KEVIN: Crooked eye thing?
NEIL: It’ll be a cinch! Our plan will work perfectly.
KEVIN: I don’t know, Neil. You really think so?
NEIL: Hey man, I know so.
''(Kevin is now waiting at a bar)''
KEVIN: All right, no pressure, no pressure, just a little date, just a little surprise date with Wendy. She should be here any minute, no pressure at all, absolutely no pressure, just a little date.
''(The camera shows another couple)''
LAUREN: Oh Scott! This has been the most wonderful first date ever!
SCOTT: And it’s about to get better, Lauren. Will you marry me?
LAUREN: Oh! Yes!
''(Camera shows Kevin again)''
WENDY: (taps Kevin) Hey Kevin.
KEVIN: Huh?! Oh jeez! Oh, hi Wendy! Do you, um, do you want to go and eat?
WENDY: Yeah.
KEVIN: Okay.
''(They are sitting at a table. Kevin is staring at Wendy.)''
WENDY: So it’s great to finally meet you.
KEVIN: Oh yeah! You too. I mean, you’re telling me, it’s been great.
WENDY: I’m sorry if I was a bit late, I was at the studio making some prints. What do you for work?
KEVIN: … Would you excuse me while I use the restroom?
WENDY: Sure.
''(Kevin goes into a restroom stall and uses his Communicator Wristwatch.)''
''(Neil is shown in a van in a parking lot with a monitor showing Kevin)''
NEIL: Oh, hey Kevin. What’s up?
KEVIN: Oh, thank God you’re there. Neil, I need to know… what do we do for a living?
NEIL: We make movies Kevin, that’s what we do.
KEVIN: Ah, thanks pal, you’re a lifesaver.
''(Camera shows the table again.)''
KEVIN: So yeah, nothing really big, just a few projects here and there. Have you ever heard of a little show called “New Kids on the Rock”?
WENDY: No.
KEVIN: Oh.
''(Camera now shows Ryan brushing the hair of doll heads.)''
''(Camera goes to Kevin in the restroom stall.)''
KEVIN: She doesn’t like me, man. What do I do?
NEIL: Hey, j-just stay calm. Just remember what sets you apart from Ryan and I.
KEVIN: My jacket!
NEIL: You’re manly Kevin, do manly things, like football, beating people up, come on.
KEVIN: Oh, thanks Neil, you’re a lifesaver.
''(Police siren sounds.)''
NEIL: Oh damn.
''(Camera shows the table again.)''
KEVIN: So that’s workin’ out pretty good.
WENDY: Wait, is that real leather?
KEVIN: Yeah, isn’t it cool?
WENDY: No, not cool. Fur is murder.
KEVIN: Leather ain’t fur.
''(Camera shows the van again.)''
POLICE: Open up! This is the police!
NEIL: Ryan, you gotta help me Ryan. Kevin’s too busy on a date.
''(Camera shows Ryan playing with a puppet, ignoring the ringing phone.)''
NEIL: Damn you Murphy! I-I-I-I plan on using this equipment to liberate wrongly imprisoned police officers! I’m innocent, gah!
KEVIN: Listen Wendy, I’ve got a confession to make. My friend Neil, he’s outside giving me advice on this date with you, he’s been helping me out with this communicator watch…
WENDY: Communicator watch? Hey, that’s pretty cool!
KEVIN: Yeah, Neil’s outside, he’s been trying to help me all night with this date with you.
WENDY: Aw, that’s so sweet. That’s adorable. Hey, would you walk me home?
''(Camera shows Kevin and Wendy walking to her porch.)''
KEVIN: Goodnight Wendy.
WENDY: Goodnight Kevin.
KEVIN: Yes! Yes! Yes!
''(It is now morning and Kevin is walking up to Wendy’s house. Ryan and Neil, who is in a prison suit, give Kevin thumbs up.)''
''(Kevin knocks on door.)''
WOMAN: Hello?
KEVIN: Hi, is Wendy here?
WOMAN: Wendy? She’s been dead for ten years. Ten years to do the day, yesterday. I’m sorry.
NEIL: Wow! You went on a date with a dead girl!
KEVIN: Yeah, I’ll never forget you Wendy.
RYAN: Come on Kevin, let’s go home.
''(Wendy is shown sitting inside. The woman enters.)''
WENDY: Is he gone?
WOMAN: He’s gone.
WENDY: Aw, thanks mom.
''(The three are sitting around a computer.)''
KEVIN: Well, I sure hope Plymouth Rock Studios enjoys our romantic comedy webisode.
NEIL: Why wouldn’t they? We’re bloody geniuses!
RYAN: Huh, yeah, I guess.
NEIL: Wait, what is it Ryan?
RYAN: I don’t know, don’t you think we laid the symbolism on a little on this one?
KEVIN: Ryan, if you’re referring to the spontaneously combusting clown…
NEIL: That was a key component to the third act.
RYAN: Uh, yeah, but that in conjunction with the non-linear time structure, I mean…
KEVIN: Ryan, the clown represents my mother.
RYAN: Oh.
KEVIN: Hey! It’s done uploading!
NEIL: I hope they like it.
RYAN: What- what’s the website called again?
NEIL: H-T-T-P-colon-slash-slash-W-W-W-dot
ALL THREE: hollywoodeasttv.com!
''(The three pose, and the credits roll.)''
SINGERS: New kids on the rock. New kids on the rock, rock, rock, rock. New kids on the rock. New kids on the rock.

== Video ==
<youtube>wMN_epM2fkQ</youtube>

=== Credits ===
* '''''Cast'''''
** '''Neil Cicierega:''' ''Self''
** '''Kevin James:''' ''Self''
** '''Ryan Murphy:''' ''Self''
** '''Kristen Hale:''' ''Wendy''
** '''Nancy Cicierega:''' ''Wendy's Mother''
** '''TJ O'Brien:''' ''Scott''
** '''Emmy Cicierega:''' ''Lauren''

* '''''Crew:'''''
** '''Created By:''' ''Neil Cicierega, Kevin James, Ryan Murphy''
** '''Edited By:''' ''Kevin James''
** '''Theme Song By:''' ''Neil Cicierega''

== Trivia ==
Kristen Hale, who plays Wendy, is Kevin's girlfriend in real life.

New Kids on the Rock 1: Pilot

2025-07-19T09:18:38Z

Callowrat: edited company

{{Infobox_video
|title = NKOTR: Pilot
|video_Category = Short films
|series = [[New Kids on the Rock]]
|creator = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]]
|company = [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plymouth_Rock_Studios Plymouth Rock Studios]
|cast = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]], Anthony Sergio, [[Jake Quilty Dunn]]
|crew = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]]
|year = July 21, 2008<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20100123191703/http://www.hollywoodeasttv.com/video/video/show?id=2131296%3AVideo%3A14042</ref>
|screenshot = Thumb-nkotr1.jpg
|duration = 08:28
|lastEpisode =
|thisEpisode = '''Pilot''' (Season 1, Episode 1)
|nextEpisode = [[New Kids on the Rock 2: Romantic Comedy | Romantic Comedy]] (s1, e2)
}}

The studio sends the guys on a treasure hunt.

==Transcript==

''(The title appears, constructed of clay.)''
SINGERS: New kids on the rock! New kids on the rock!
''(Image changes to a statue, and then zooms out to the interior of Ryan’s apartment.)''
RYAN: And so Neil and Kevin and I went down to the studio. And we talked to the guys, who are really cool! And they commissioned us to do a series of webisodes for them! Like… web episodes. It’s a portmanteau. All the kids are saying it! We’re really excited about how things are gonna happen. It looks great for us! So-so, what do you think?
''(Camera shows an image of a terrifying painting, which appears to be of Ryan.)''
RYAN: Why are you always such a stick-in-the-mud? I mean, this is huge for me! I get to do what I love, I’m gonna get paid for it, I’m-
''(There is a beeping sound like the theme song. Ryan pulls up his sleeve to reveal a massive communicator wristwatch.)''
RYAN: (putting on a hat) I’ve gotta go.
''(Scene changes to image of Kevin in a field, talking to a boy with a crutch.)''
KEVIN: I went all the way into division seven. (Charles something) didn’t stand a CHANCE! Things were looking grim, Kyle. The other team was up by five points with 20 seconds left in the game. But me and the boys didn’t break a sweat. All we needed to do was pull off the perfect 32-gut trap. It went a little something… like this!
''(Kevin runs off and acts out his story.)''
KEVIN: Fifty cut across his midline backer and made his away around the safety. Quinn did a cutback across the front line. Then I let out my Hail Mary.
''(Kevin throws the football.)''
KEVIN: Fifty’s been tackled! Looks like I’m the only one left!
''(Kevin starts running.)''
KEVIN: I hop one, two D-men! I’m in the endzone! And…
''(Kevin somehow catches his own throw.)''
KEVIN: The Vikings win the Super Bowl! Thank you, very much!
''(The child claps and cheers.)''
''(The series of communicator beeps is heard again. Kevin pulls out his own giant wrist communicator.)''
KEVIN: Hey Kyle! I’ll be right back! Don’t go anywhere!
''(Kevin runs off as the child waves.)''
''(Scene changes to Neil on his couch, watching Spongebob Squarepants and eating cereal.)''
''(The wrist communicator goes off. Neil simply looks at it, turns it off, and puts it away. This sequence of events occurs a second time. The communicator goes off AGAIN. Finally, neil puts down his cereal, reads the message, sighs, and walks away.)''
''(Kevin and Ryan are standing at Plymouth Rock.)''
KEVIN: Kinda makes you think, doesn’t it? Two thousand years ago, Pilgrims stood at this very spot.
''(Neil walks into frame.)''
NEIL: Hey, guys.
RYAN: Hey.
KEVIN: Hey, How’s it goin’?
RYAN: So… what are we all doing here?
KEVIN: Well, the studio told us to all meet here. They’ve got some sort of message layin’ around for us.
NEIL: Hey, maybe they etched the message into the rock.
RYAN: Hey! Yeah!
''(The camera pans onto a letter taped to the rock.)''
KEVIN: Oh, no wait. There it is. See, it’s taped. Ryan?
''(Ryan pulls out a letter opener and opens the letter.)''
RYAN: “Dear New Kids on the Rock.” Hey! That’s us! “For your first assignment, we would like you to produce a ‘treasure hunt’ themed webisode of your show for us, and have it done soon please. We are counting on you. Love, Plymouth Rock Studios.”
KEVIN: A treasure hunt movie, huh? Seems easy enough!
NEIL: Wait a minute, give me that letter. This… this is in some kind of code.
RYAN: No… it’s in English.
NEIL: No- no. They know we’re smarter than that. This is a clue!
KEVIN: I agree with Neil.
NEIL: Thank you, Kevin. See- see. Look at the envelope. It’s sealed with wax. Wax…
NEIL AND KEVIN: The wax museum!
RYAN: No, that place closed like 20 years ago.
NEIL: Closed… Closed?
ALL THREE: The clothes store!
''(Cut to Kevin standing outside of a store. Neil and Ryan exit.)''
KEVIN: Hey, what’d you guys find?
RYAN: Oh, I got this cool jacket.
NEIL: '(Holding up some buttons)' I found these buttons.
KEVIN: Hmm. Well, I found this note in a coat pocket.
NEIL: Wait… A note. *gasp*
NEIL AND RYAN: The old note factory!
''(Cut to the three walking.)''
NEIL: So this note we found at the note factory said we have to find Squanto.
KEVIN: What the hell is a Squanto?
NEIL: You know, like the Native American? Well, let’s go.
''(Cut to the three standing in front of a statue.)''
NEIL: THIS is Squanto.
KEVIN: Oh, SQUANTO! Oh, okay.
NEIL: Let’s see… Hey Ryan! Do you still have that magnifying glass you found?
RYAN: Indeed!
NEIL: Stop. Um… I think we’ve got to put this in Squanto’s hand. It’s just like National Treasure 2: The Book of Secrets!
''(Neil attempts to put the magnifying glass in Squanto’s hand.)''
NEIL: It’s too tall!
KEVIN: Wait a minute… Neil, give me the glass! I think I’ve got an idea.
''(Kevin has duct taped the magnifying glass to Squanto’s foot.)''
KEVIN: And… voila!
RYAN: Eh. Good enough!
NEIL: Now… we wait.
''(As “Aquarium” plays, light shines through the magnifying glass and forms a beam of light.)''
RYAN: Look! It’s pointing at Plymouth Rock!
''(The three stand at Plymouth Rock.)''
KEVIN: Wait. We were here like 20 minutes ago.
RYAN: BAM-boozeled! We’ve come full circle!
''(Neil stares sadly at the rock.)''
KEVIN: Neil, you’ve just gotta face it. There’s no such thing as treasure.
NEIL: WAIT A MINUTE! Maybe it’s in the secret room hidden underneath Plymouth Rock!
RYAN: Yeah! Let’s take the elevator!
NEIL: There it is!
RYAN: Yeah!
''(A doorway opens in the rock.)''
RYAN: Let’s go in it.
''(There is a dark room underground. The three teleport into the room and turn on flashlights.)''
KEVIN: This must be the place, guys.
NEIL: Wow. This is just like Tomb Raider 2: The Cradle of Life!
RYAN: But where’s the treasure?
NEIL: It’s over there!
''(Camera shows a red chest, and then pans over to show a man dressed as a Pilgrim.)''
JOHN SMITH: Boo! I see you, you would-be thieves! I am John Smith, the last remaining Pilgrim, and I guard the treasure which you seek!
RYAN: Wait, John Smith? Like from Pocahontas?
JOHN SMITH: No! ‘Twas a very common name back then!
KEVIN: Well I don’t believe in no Pilgrims! That treasure’s ours!
''(John Smith produces a sword.)''
JOHN SMITH: One step further, lad, and I’ll cut off your throat!
RYAN: No! Not Kevin’s throat!
NEIL: Hey wait. Pilgrims didn’t have swords.
JOHN SMITH: Oh.
RYAN: Where’d you get the sword?
JOHN SMITH: I… found it. Wait… Where’s my gun… thing…
RYAN: You mean your musket?
JOHN SMITH: Yes. My… musket. It’s… it’s… just…
RYAN: All right, all right. Let’s just retrace your steps. ''(aside)'' Get the treasure. ''(Back to John Smith)'' It’s probably some place really obvious. Like, the last place you’d look.
''(Kevin sneaks over to steal the chest.)''
JOHN SMITH: Well, it’s big… and has kind of a horn on the end…
KEVIN: I got it guys. Let’s go!
RYAN: Well, our work here is done Mr. Smith! Time to go!
JOHN SMITH: Wait… what?
''(The New Kids on the Rock smile, wave, and walk away.)''
JOHN SMITH: Farewell, New Kids on the Rock!
''(The three are now outside. They open the chest.)''
NEIL: It’s our first check from the studio!
KEVIN: Wow.
RYAN: Wow! Fifty thousand dollars!
KEVIN: Yeah. Now THAT’S a treasure! Hey! Let’s go cash this and make our first webisode!
NEIL: Wait a minute! This isn’t a check! It’s a CLUE! Look! Look! The routing number! It follows the Fibonacci Sequence! And the signature! It’s a map!
''(Kevin grabs the check and walks away.)''
KEVIN: I’m going to the bank.
''(Neil and Ryan shrug.)
''(The three are sitting around a computer.)
NEIL: Well, our first webisode is done. Uploading now!
RYAN: You know Kevin, you did a really great job with that crane shot in the first act.
KEVIN: Hey, thanks Ryan! You know, I thought it was a little risky, but Neil’s lighting really helped it out.
NEIL: And Ryan, that was some classic (nee-san-sen?) during the bridge fight sequence!
KEVIN: Hey! It’s done uploading!
NEIL: Hey! I hope they like it.
RYAN: What- what’s the website called again?
NEIL: H-T-T-P-colon-slash-slash-W-W-W-dot
ALL THREE: hollywoodeasttv.com!
''(The three pose, and the credits roll.)''
SINGERS: New kids on the rock. New kids on the rock, rock, rock, rock. New kids on the rock. New kids on the rock.

== Video ==

<youtube>B8ZmhjO7Hzw</youtube>

===Credits===
* '''''Cast:'''''
** '''Neil Cicierega:''' ''Self''
** '''Kevin James:''' ''Self''
** '''Ryan Murphy:''' ''Self''
** '''Anthony Sergio:''' ''Kyle''
** '''Jake Quilty Dunn:''' ''John Smith''

* '''''Crew:'''''
** '''Created By:''' ''Neil Cicierega, Kevin James, Ryan Murphy''
** '''Edited By:''' ''Neil Cicierega''
** '''Theme Song By:''' ''Neil Cicierega''

==Trivia==
* The Vikings have never won a Super Bowl.

New Kids on the Rock

2025-07-19T09:17:58Z

Callowrat: Edited, did not realize PRS had a wikipedia page somehow

[[File:NKOTRlogo.png|thumb|right|NKOTR Button from the HETV Website]]
In late 2008, [[Neil]] and his friends [[Ryan Murphy]] and [[Kevin James]] were hired by [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plymouth_Rock_Studios Plymouth Rock Studios] to produce a series of “webisodes” to promote [[Hollywood East TV]], a video-sharing website. What resulted was the adventures of “The New Kids on the Rock,” three brave souls who spend their time making never-seen videos for their website. The series ran for one season of five episodes, and an extra episode that was meant to start off the second season, with long-form special episodes here and there. The second season started on July 24, 2009, but never got finished. A DVD of the first season exists, but is really rare (see below).

== Episodes ==
=== Season 1 ===
* [[New Kids on the Rock 1: Pilot]]
* [[New Kids on the Rock 2: Romantic Comedy]]
* [[New Kids on the Rock 3: Bully Troubles]]
* [[New Kids on the Rock 4: The Curse of Spooky Manor]]
* [[New Kids on the Rock 5: The Vigilante]]

=== Season 2 ===
* [[New Kids on the Rock 6: The New New Kid on the Rock]]
* [[New Kids on the Rock 7: Unlucked]]

=== Specials ===
* [[New Kids on the Rock: Ryan's Christmas Wish]]
* [[New Kids on the Rock: The Money Tree]]
* [[New Kids on the Rock: Computer Fighters]]

== Promos ==
Videos promoting regular or special episodes relating to the series, in order

* [https://youtu.be/tglcPcYpTtM Promo: New Kids on the Rock 1]
* [https://youtu.be/0Z_ZQ6_zG-Y New Kids on the Rock Christmas Special Promo]
* [https://youtu.be/TqvAvCW5rjo Computer Fighters Official Trailer]

== Other Videos ==
Among the episodes, other video content that does not entirely relate to the main series but is still important to it was either added to the New Kids on the Rock profile on Hollywood East TV.com or uploaded on youtube:

* [[Hollywood East!]]
* [[Neil and Kevin's First Day At Work]]
* [[A Message From The New Kids on the Rock]]
* [[A Day At Work With Kevin And Neil]]
* [[New Kids on the Rock on DVD]]
* [[The Computer Fighter Rap]]

== Season 1 DVD ==
[[File:NKOTRDVD.png|thumb|The DVD Itself]]
This DVD contains episodes 1 through 5 of the series, the entirety of Season 1. It also contains Special Features of Youtube Shorts seen on the Neil Cicierega & Vicious516 channels, the Message from the NKOTR video, A documentary about the series, and a commentary of Season 1 with Neil, Ryan, & Kevin.

=== Bonus Youtube Shorts ===

* [[Slumber Party]]
* [[Bigfoot Begins]]
* [[Hollywood East!]]
* [[We Don't Say That In Front of Grandpa]]

=== DVD Credits ===

* '''Original Artwork:''' ''[[Emmy Cicierega]]''
* '''DVD Layout/Authoring:''' ''Kevin James, Neil Cicierega''
* '''Fan Art By:''' ''Courtney Flynn, gulsch92''

=== Screenshots ===
Screens of the DVD menus. The Main Menu contains a slideshow of clips from Season 1 synced to an instrumental of the theme song. The navigation buttons in the Main and Episode Selection menus highlight dark red when selected/hovered over.

<gallery>
File:NKOTRMenu1.png|Main Menu
File:NKOTRMenu2.png|Episode Selection
File:NKOTRMenu3.png|Special Features
File:NKOTRMenu4.png|DVD Credits
</gallery>

== Trivia ==
* In the scripts, when the New Kids say HollywoodeastTV.com at the end, it's written as “ALL THREE IDIOTS: HollywoodeastTV.com!”

== See Also ==
* [[New Kids on the Rock Commentary]] (A transcript of the commentary found on the Season 1 DVD).

Ben Bernanke

2025-07-18T03:40:42Z

Callowrat:

{{Infobox_song
|title = Ben Bernanke
|artist = Lemon Demon
|year = May 13, 2008<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20080526102526/http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfsb5HUFMQ0</ref>
|albumart = Viewmonster.jpg
|writer = Neil Cicierega
|singer = [[Neil Cicierega]]
|album = [[View-Monster]], [[Almanac 2009]]
|duration = 4:29
|tempo = 105
|genre = Rock
|externalLinks = [https://needlejuice.bandcamp.com/track/ben-bernanke Needlejuice Bandcamp] [https://youtu.be/axq_g4gouac?si=kd8FTk6_Vq_cfwyU Youtube] [https://open.spotify.com/track/2LvOXNekWrBsyhL4ARAMOZ?si=fbd34ad7f89b4f79 Spotify]
}}

''See Also: [[Ben Bernanke (Short)]]''

Ben Bernanke is the 2nd bonus track on [[View-Monster]]. The song is a word-for-word recreation of a short film created by [[Ryan Murphy]]. The original short was later removed from YouTube.

As told by Neil:

<blockquote>"One day my friend and fellow filmmaker Ryan Murphy showed up at my house with a MiniDV tape containing over half an hour of footage he had shot with another friend, Jake Quilty-Dunn. Ryan asked me if I could capture the footage to my hard drive so he could edit it and put it on YouTube. As I watched the footage, Ryan expressed some doubt that I would be amused– he assumed it was one of those things where you just had to be there. But he was wrong, and I found the footage hilarious. I told him I wanted to edit it myself. He was fine with that. The footage was of Jake, sitting in a chair, saying very strange things in a strange voice to “Spencer”, a silent man played by Ryan. Jake’s rantings are a mishmash of private jokes, improv, overheard dialog, and menacing homoeroticism. The real Ben Bernanke is the Chairman of the Federal Reserve. He has very little to do with how he’s portrayed by Jake. There have been no reports of him seeking ownership of anybody’s teeth."<ref>https://genius.com/Lemon-demon-ben-bernanke-lyrics</ref></blockquote>

==Lyrics==
Hello there, Spencer
I see you, you boy, boy
I see you, Spencer
With my eyes

You're the architect of my dreams, Spencer
You plan them, and build them on blue paper
And hand them to me

And then I dream them, Spencer
That's what you do for me
Thank you for that, Spencer
You prick

I'm a magician, Spencer, a furious magician
Ohh-ooh-ooh
Avada kedavra, Spencer, to you, Spencer
Avada kedavra to you, Spencer

You think you're something special, Spencer?
You think you're something brand new?
But you're old oats, Spencer
You're old, dry, stale oats, Spencer

I'm a magician, Spencer
A furious magician
Ohh-ooh-ooh-ooh

You're a tall glass of water, aren't you, Spencer?
You boy, precious boy
I'm Ben Bernanke, Spencer, and I want your teeth
For the Federal Reserve
I'm cutting interest rates in half, Spencer
And I need your teeth

I'll admit, Spencer, you're handsome
But what have you done with it?
You think you can mock me, Spencer?
Do you?

Do you think you can mock me, Spencer?
Do you think you can capture my essence
And throw it back at me with
Humour and rhetorical devices?

Well, you can't, Spencer
You don't know what I'm capable of
I need your teeth
For my Lonely Hearts Club Band, Spencer
I'm Ben Bernanke

I'm a magician, Spencer
A furious magician
Ohh-ooh-ooh-ooh-hoo-hoo
Are you proud of your country?
Are you proud of your country?

I'll bet you are, pretty little boy
Sitting up there in your high chair
Demanding more applesauce
Well you've already got enough applesauce, Spencer!
There's plenty of applesauce on your plate

I'm going to kiss you, Spencer, on the lips
You sexy little rattlesnake, you naughty little baby boy
You rambunctious little infant
My mother tries to get me to go on dates, Spencer
You know what that's like?
You know how humiliating that is, Spencer?

You boy, Spencer
Spencer... (Spencer... ) (Spencer)
(OH MY GOD!)
You tall drink of water
Spencer

I'm a magician, Spencer, a furious magician
Ohh-ooh-ooh-ooh
I'm a magician, Spencer, a furious magician
Magician
Magician...

I love you, Spencer; I'm gonna spank you silly...

== Music Video ==
{{Infobox_video
|title = Lemon Demon - Ben Bernanke
|video_Category = Music Video
|creator = [[Neil Cicierega]]
|cast = [[Jake Quilty-Dunn]], [[Ryan Murphy]]
|crew = [[Neil Cicierega]]
|year = May 13, 2008
|duration = 04:45
}}

<youtube>Smlj3e4Q5uQ</youtube>

== Trivia ==

* A Ben Bernanke remix by Alora can be found [https://mumbergo.net/files/Audio/View-Monster/Alora%20-%20BenBernakeRemix.mp3 here].

Ben Bernanke

2025-07-18T03:25:09Z

Callowrat: /* Music Video */

{{Infobox_song
|title = Ben Bernanke
|artist = Lemon Demon
|year = May 13, 2008<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20080526102526/http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfsb5HUFMQ0</ref>
|albumart = Viewmonster.jpg
|writer = Neil Cicierega
|singer = [[Neil Cicierega]]
|album = [[View-Monster]], [[Almanac 2009]]
|duration = 4:29
|tempo = 105
|genre = Rock
|externalLinks = [https://needlejuice.bandcamp.com/track/ben-bernanke Needlejuice Bandcamp] [https://youtu.be/axq_g4gouac?si=kd8FTk6_Vq_cfwyU Youtube] [https://open.spotify.com/track/2LvOXNekWrBsyhL4ARAMOZ?si=fbd34ad7f89b4f79 Spotify]
}}

''See Also: [[Ben Bernanke (Short)]]''

Ben Bernanke is the 2nd bonus track on [[View-Monster]]. The song is a word-for-word recreation of a short film created by [[Ryan Murphy]]. The original short was later removed from YouTube.

As told by Neil:

<blockquote>"One day my friend and fellow filmmaker Ryan Murphy showed up at my house with a MiniDV tape containing over half an hour of footage he had shot with another friend, Jake Quilty-Dunn. Ryan asked me if I could capture the footage to my hard drive so he could edit it and put it on YouTube. As I watched the footage, Ryan expressed some doubt that I would be amused– he assumed it was one of those things where you just had to be there. But he was wrong, and I found the footage hilarious. I told him I wanted to edit it myself. He was fine with that. The footage was of Jake, sitting in a chair, saying very strange things in a strange voice to “Spencer”, a silent man played by Ryan. Jake’s rantings are a mishmash of private jokes, improv, overheard dialog, and menacing homoeroticism. The real Ben Bernanke is the Chairman of the Federal Reserve. He has very little to do with how he’s portrayed by Jake. There have been no reports of him seeking ownership of anybody’s teeth."<ref>https://genius.com/Lemon-demon-ben-bernanke-lyrics</ref></blockquote>

==Lyrics==
Hello there, Spencer
I see you, you boy, boy
I see you, Spencer
With my eyes

You're the architect of my dreams, Spencer
You plan them, and build them on blue paper
And hand them to me

And then I dream them, Spencer
That's what you do for me
Thank you for that, Spencer
You prick

I'm a magician, Spencer, a furious magician
Ohh-ooh-ooh
Avada kedavra, Spencer, to you, Spencer
Avada kedavra to you, Spencer

You think you're something special, Spencer?
You think you're something brand new?
But you're old oats, Spencer
You're old, dry, stale oats, Spencer

I'm a magician, Spencer
A furious magician
Ohh-ooh-ooh-ooh

You're a tall glass of water, aren't you, Spencer?
You boy, precious boy
I'm Ben Bernanke, Spencer, and I want your teeth
For the Federal Reserve
I'm cutting interest rates in half, Spencer
And I need your teeth

I'll admit, Spencer, you're handsome
But what have you done with it?
You think you can mock me, Spencer?
Do you?

Do you think you can mock me, Spencer?
Do you think you can capture my essence
And throw it back at me with
Humour and rhetorical devices?

Well, you can't, Spencer
You don't know what I'm capable of
I need your teeth
For my Lonely Hearts Club Band, Spencer
I'm Ben Bernanke

I'm a magician, Spencer
A furious magician
Ohh-ooh-ooh-ooh-hoo-hoo
Are you proud of your country?
Are you proud of your country?

I'll bet you are, pretty little boy
Sitting up there in your high chair
Demanding more applesauce
Well you've already got enough applesauce, Spencer!
There's plenty of applesauce on your plate

I'm going to kiss you, Spencer, on the lips
You sexy little rattlesnake, you naughty little baby boy
You rambunctious little infant
My mother tries to get me to go on dates, Spencer
You know what that's like?
You know how humiliating that is, Spencer?

You boy, Spencer
Spencer... (Spencer... ) (Spencer)
(OH MY GOD!)
You tall drink of water
Spencer

I'm a magician, Spencer, a furious magician
Ohh-ooh-ooh-ooh
I'm a magician, Spencer, a furious magician
Magician
Magician...

I love you, Spencer; I'm gonna spank you silly...

== Music Video ==
{{Infobox_video
|title = Lemon Demon - Ben Bernanke
|video_Category = Music Video
|creator = [[Neil Cicierega]]
|cast = [[Jake Quilty-Dunn]], [[Ryan Murphy]]
|crew = [[Neil Cicierega]]
|year = May 13, 2008<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20080526102526/http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfsb5HUFMQ0</ref>
|duration = 04:45
}}

<youtube>Smlj3e4Q5uQ</youtube>

== Trivia ==

* A Ben Bernanke remix by Alora can be found [https://mumbergo.net/files/Audio/View-Monster/Alora%20-%20BenBernakeRemix.mp3 here].

New Kids on the Rock

2025-07-18T03:11:08Z

Callowrat: page created

[[File:NKOTRlogo.png|thumb|right|NKOTR Button from the HETV Website]]
In late 2008, [[Neil]] and his friends [[Ryan Murphy]] and [[Kevin James]] were hired by [[Plymouth Rock Studios]] to produce a series of “webisodes” to promote Hollywood East TV, a video-sharing website. What resulted was the adventures of “The New Kids on the Rock,” three brave souls who spend their time making never-seen videos for their website. The series ran for one season of five episodes, and an extra episode that was meant to start off the second season, with long-form special episodes here and there. The second season started on July 24, 2009, but never got finished. A DVD of the first season exists, but is really rare (see below).

== Episodes ==
=== Season 1 ===
* [[New Kids on the Rock 1: Pilot]]
* [[New Kids on the Rock 2: Romantic Comedy]]
* [[New Kids on the Rock 3: Bully Troubles]]
* [[New Kids on the Rock 4: The Curse of Spooky Manor]]
* [[New Kids on the Rock 5: The Vigilante]]

=== Season 2 ===
* [[New Kids on the Rock 6: The New New Kid on the Rock]]
* [[New Kids on the Rock 7: Unlucked]]

=== Specials ===
* [[New Kids on the Rock: Ryan's Christmas Wish]]
* [[New Kids on the Rock: The Money Tree]]
* [[New Kids on the Rock: Computer Fighters]]

== Promos ==
Videos promoting regular or special episodes relating to the series, in order

* [https://youtu.be/tglcPcYpTtM Promo: New Kids on the Rock 1]
* [https://youtu.be/0Z_ZQ6_zG-Y New Kids on the Rock Christmas Special Promo]
* [https://youtu.be/TqvAvCW5rjo Computer Fighters Official Trailer]

== Other Videos ==
Among the episodes, other video content that does not entirely relate to the main series but is still important to it was either added to the New Kids on the Rock profile on Hollywood East TV.com or uploaded on youtube:

* [[Hollywood East!]]
* [[Neil and Kevin's First Day At Work]]
* [[A Message From The New Kids on the Rock]]
* [[A Day At Work With Kevin And Neil]]
* [[New Kids on the Rock on DVD]]
* [[The Computer Fighter Rap]]

== Season 1 DVD ==
[[File:NKOTRDVD.png|thumb|The DVD Itself]]
This DVD contains episodes 1 through 5 of the series, the entirety of Season 1. It also contains Special Features of Youtube Shorts seen on the Neil Cicierega & Vicious516 channels, the Message from the NKOTR video, A documentary about the series, and a commentary of Season 1 with Neil, Ryan, & Kevin.

=== Bonus Youtube Shorts ===

* [[Slumber Party]]
* [[Bigfoot Begins]]
* [[Hollywood East!]]
* [[We Don't Say That In Front of Grandpa]]

=== DVD Credits ===

* '''Original Artwork:''' ''[[Emmy Cicierega]]''
* '''DVD Layout/Authoring:''' ''Kevin James, Neil Cicierega''
* '''Fan Art By:''' ''Courtney Flynn, gulsch92''

=== Screenshots ===
Screens of the DVD menus. The Main Menu contains a slideshow of clips from Season 1 synced to an instrumental of the theme song. The navigation buttons in the Main and Episode Selection menus highlight dark red when selected/hovered over.

<gallery>
File:NKOTRMenu1.png|Main Menu
File:NKOTRMenu2.png|Episode Selection
File:NKOTRMenu3.png|Special Features
File:NKOTRMenu4.png|DVD Credits
</gallery>

== Trivia ==
* In the scripts, when the New Kids say HollywoodeastTV.com at the end, it's written as “ALL THREE IDIOTS: HollywoodeastTV.com!”

== See Also ==
* [[New Kids on the Rock Commentary]] (A transcript of the commentary found on the Season 1 DVD).

Neil and Kevin's First Day At Work

2025-07-18T03:01:13Z

Callowrat: added thumbnail

{{Infobox_video
|title = A Day At Work With Kevin And Neil
|video_Category = Short films
|series = [[New Kids on the Rock]]
|creator = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]]
|company = [[Plymouth Rock Studios]]
|cast = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]]
|crew = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]]
|year = September 15, 2008<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20090802030709/http://www.hollywoodeasttv.com/video/2131296:Video:27875</ref>
|screenshot = Firstday.jpg
|duration = 02:13
}}

Neil and Kevin (best known for their roles as "Neil" and "Kevin" in the web series New Kids on the Rock) talk about working at the PRS office.

'''''Neil and Kevin's First Day At Work''''' is a short film created for [[Plymouth Rock Studios]]' Hollywood East TV website. After both Hollywood East TV and the webhosting site blip.tv went down this video became unavailable and is currently lost, however a transcript has survived from the old WikiLemon. It is a prequel to the '''''[[A Day At Work With Kevin And Neil]]''''' video, which is also currently lost.

== Transcript ==
''(The camera zooms in and out on the face of Neil, whose hair looks quite messy.)''
NEIL: Man, I’ve never used an HBX before— it’s got, like, manual zoom, and HD and like, 30p mode— I mean it’s just really cool, don’t you think?
KEVIN: (taking the cap off a camera he is holding) Yeah, yeah, this one’s really cool too… I think my father had one of these.
''(The scene changes. Kevin is now standing.)''
KEVIN: Sh-should I be honest?
NEIL: Yeah, just be honest.
KEVIN: Really? Okay. Well, um, this is our vlog about uh, how we started working at the studio— at Hollywood East TV, really…uh, gonna do some, uh, content for the site. Uh, it’s really cool, it’s our first day… Actually, it’s our second day at work— we forgot to shoot the first day, but we’re here now; we’re using ten-thousand dollar cameras to shoot this.
''(The camera swivels to show Neil’s upside-down face.)''
KEVIN: Yeah, they’re fragile…
NEIL: Oh, so this…(accidentally hits his hands on the wall) So this is our office. It’s got a door, it’s got computers, it’s got speakers, it’s got coffee, it’s got cameras, it’s got a, uh, sofa, it’s got chairs, like the one I’m sitting in right now…
''(Kevin grins while repeatedly flipping the lights on and off.)''
''(Neil points to each object as he names it.)''
NEIL: It’s got walls— like, we’re just gonna probably fill them with posters and pictures and stuff ‘cuz we’re creative people. And, um, so the only problem is the computers are Macintoshes— Apple, I don’t know if you’ve heard of them… but, uh, we’re PC guys, me and Kevin, right, Kevin?
KEVIN: Mm-hmm.
NEIL: Yeah, so, I don’t know, uh, we have to get used to them. I mean, it’s like a whole different method of, like… check this out.
''(Neil puts the bottom of the mouse up to his mouth.)''
NEIL: Screen turn on!
''(Nothing happens. Neil looks confused.)''
KEVIN: Where’s this one’s… cord?
NEIL: They all look the same to me— it’s just like, little symbols. It doesn’t mean anything to me.
KEVIN: Alright, I think this is it!
NEIL: (gasps as the monitor turns on) Oh, I see, it’s kinda like Windows.
''(Kevin hits his head on the computer desk, then the scene changes.)''
NEIL: I’ve been sitting here for three hours…just…thinking, and I can’t think of a better place to work.
KEVIN: Hey, I have to go to the bathroom.
''(Neil pats Kevin on the back.)''
NEIL: (assuringly) They have one!

== Trivia ==

A Day At Work With Kevin And Neil

2025-07-18T03:00:41Z

Callowrat: added thumbnail

{{Infobox_video
|title = A Day At Work With Kevin And Neil
|video_Category = Short films
|creator = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]]
|company = [[Plymouth Rock Studios]]
|cast = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], Rich
|crew = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]]
|year = September 25, 2008<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20090708005825/http://www.hollywoodeasttv.com/video/2131296:Video:29673#</ref>
|screenshot = Dayatwork.jpg
|duration = 02:40
}}

Kevin and Neil enjoy another long day at the office, strutting their filmmaking talents

'''''A Day At Work With Kevin And Neil''''' is a short film created for [[Plymouth Rock Studios]]' Hollywood East TV website. After both Hollywood East TV and the webhosting site blip.tv went down this video became unavailable and is currently lost, however a transcript has survived from the old WikiLemon.
It is a sequel to the '''''[[Neil and Kevin's First Day At Work]]''''' video, which is also currently lost.

==Transcript==
''(Elevator doors open. It says 8.54 A.M. in the corner. Neil and Kevin both yawn.)''''
Neil: Time to go to work.
Kevin: Yep. At Plymouth Rock Studios.
''(A few seconds pass.)''''
Neil and Kevin: Wrong floor, wrong floor.
''(They run back into the elevator.)''''
Neil: Three, right?
Kevin: Three.
''(Cut to Neil and Kevin walking through a hallway. It says 8.59 AM in the corner. They look down another hall.)''''
Kevin: It’s this way.
''(They keep going straight, but then turn around.)''''
Kevin: No, wait, it’s this way.
''(Neil points to somewhere off camera.)''''
Neil: Oh,there it is.
''(Cut to two people sitting at a computer. It says 9.07 AM in the corner. They’re having a conversation but their words are inaudible)''''
Kevin: Why are there people in our office?
Neil: Oh, well, it’s not technically our office, it’s an editing room. They just stick us in there ‘cause we don’t have an office.
Kevin: Ah.
Neil: Well, what do you want to do?
''(Kevin thinks a while.)''''
Kevin: Let’s go bother Rich.
Neil: Yeah!
''(Cut to Rich sitting at a desk with a computer. It says 9.26 AM in the corner. Neil and Kevin are hovering over him, filming and taking notes.)''''
Neil: Now can we get some more back-and-forth action over here?
''(Cut to the view from Kevin’s camera. In the corner it says “NO TAPE.”)''''
Neil: Yeah, that’s good. Alright, and act!
Rich: Guys, I’m kinda working here.
Neil: Yeah, okay. But you’re supposed to be a little more sad. You’re like, you just fired Louie and he gave you these puppy eyes as he left. And and and the puppy eyes remind you… and you have a flashback. To when you were a kid and you had a puppy, and the puppy ran away… Action.
''(Cut to Neil looking through the freezer. It says 12.00 PM in the corner. He closes the freezer door and starts looking through the refrigerator.)''''
Neil: Man, where’s the Gushers?
''(Cut to Kevin searching through baskets with various foodstuffs such as sugars and jellies.)''
Kevin: I think they’re out!
Neil: Ugh, I hate working here!
''(Cut to Neil and Kevin sitting at a table. They are eating from a bag of Lays chips. It says 1:''' 21 PM in the corner.)''
Neil: Well I’m full.
Kevin: Hey they got checkers!
''(They start to play checkers.)''
Neil: Pass.
''(Kevin makes a move.)''
Neil: Pass.
Neil: Pass.
Kevin: Let’s go edit.
Neil: Alright.
''(They leave.)''
''(Cut to Neil and Kevin sitting at a desk with two computers. It says 2.03 PM in the corner. On the screen is the video from when Kevin was filming Rich.)''''
Rich: All right, just stop before I fire you.
''(Hollywood East TV sign plays on the computer screen.)''
Neil: Not bad.
Kevin: Lookin’ good. Alright, how do I add an audio crossfade?
''(Cut to Neil and Kevin, confused and distressed. It says 4.32 PM in the corner.)''
Kevin: Oh here it is.
Neil: Oh, good. You know, I’m kinda sick of editing.
Kevin: Yeah, me too. We’ve been here all day. What’s something productive we can do?
''(Neil and Kevin look at Neil’s can of Diet Coke.)''
''(Cut to a slow-motion shot of Neil dropping the can into the recycling bin. It says 4.46 PM in the corner.)''
Neil: Yes! Wanna go home?
Kevin: Yeah, let’s go.
Neil: Alright.
''(Cut to the hallway. Neil and Kevin exit a door labeled “Plymouth Rock Studios.” It says 4.47 PM in the corner.)''
Neil: Boy, filmmaking sure is hard, huh?
Kevin: Yup. Here at Plymouth Rock Studios.
''(Hollywood East TV sign.)''

== Trivia ==

File:Dayatwork.jpg

2025-07-18T02:59:47Z

Callowrat:

File:Firstday.jpg

2025-07-18T02:59:36Z

Callowrat:

File:NKOTRlogo.png

2025-07-18T02:53:27Z

Callowrat:

File:NKOTRDVD.png

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Callowrat:

File:NKOTRMenu4.png

2025-07-18T02:22:24Z

Callowrat:

File:NKOTRMenu3.png

2025-07-18T02:21:55Z

Callowrat:

File:NKOTRMenu2.png

2025-07-18T02:21:36Z

Callowrat:

File:NKOTRMenu1.png

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Callowrat:

Neil and Kevin's First Day At Work

2025-07-18T01:38:18Z

Callowrat: page created

{{Infobox_video
|title = A Day At Work With Kevin And Neil
|video_Category = Short films
|series = [[New Kids on the Rock]]
|creator = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]]
|company = [[Plymouth Rock Studios]]
|cast = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]]
|crew = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]]
|year = September 15, 2008<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20090802030709/http://www.hollywoodeasttv.com/video/2131296:Video:27875</ref>
|screenshot =
|duration = 02:13
}}

Neil and Kevin (best known for their roles as "Neil" and "Kevin" in the web series New Kids on the Rock) talk about working at the PRS office.

'''''Neil and Kevin's First Day At Work''''' is a short film created for [[Plymouth Rock Studios]]' Hollywood East TV website. After both Hollywood East TV and the webhosting site blip.tv went down this video became unavailable and is currently lost, however a transcript has survived from the old WikiLemon. It is a prequel to the '''''[[A Day At Work With Kevin And Neil]]''''' video, which is also currently lost.

== Transcript ==
''(The camera zooms in and out on the face of Neil, whose hair looks quite messy.)''
NEIL: Man, I’ve never used an HBX before— it’s got, like, manual zoom, and HD and like, 30p mode— I mean it’s just really cool, don’t you think?
KEVIN: (taking the cap off a camera he is holding) Yeah, yeah, this one’s really cool too… I think my father had one of these.
''(The scene changes. Kevin is now standing.)''
KEVIN: Sh-should I be honest?
NEIL: Yeah, just be honest.
KEVIN: Really? Okay. Well, um, this is our vlog about uh, how we started working at the studio— at Hollywood East TV, really…uh, gonna do some, uh, content for the site. Uh, it’s really cool, it’s our first day… Actually, it’s our second day at work— we forgot to shoot the first day, but we’re here now; we’re using ten-thousand dollar cameras to shoot this.
''(The camera swivels to show Neil’s upside-down face.)''
KEVIN: Yeah, they’re fragile…
NEIL: Oh, so this…(accidentally hits his hands on the wall) So this is our office. It’s got a door, it’s got computers, it’s got speakers, it’s got coffee, it’s got cameras, it’s got a, uh, sofa, it’s got chairs, like the one I’m sitting in right now…
''(Kevin grins while repeatedly flipping the lights on and off.)''
''(Neil points to each object as he names it.)''
NEIL: It’s got walls— like, we’re just gonna probably fill them with posters and pictures and stuff ‘cuz we’re creative people. And, um, so the only problem is the computers are Macintoshes— Apple, I don’t know if you’ve heard of them… but, uh, we’re PC guys, me and Kevin, right, Kevin?
KEVIN: Mm-hmm.
NEIL: Yeah, so, I don’t know, uh, we have to get used to them. I mean, it’s like a whole different method of, like… check this out.
''(Neil puts the bottom of the mouse up to his mouth.)''
NEIL: Screen turn on!
''(Nothing happens. Neil looks confused.)''
KEVIN: Where’s this one’s… cord?
NEIL: They all look the same to me— it’s just like, little symbols. It doesn’t mean anything to me.
KEVIN: Alright, I think this is it!
NEIL: (gasps as the monitor turns on) Oh, I see, it’s kinda like Windows.
''(Kevin hits his head on the computer desk, then the scene changes.)''
NEIL: I’ve been sitting here for three hours…just…thinking, and I can’t think of a better place to work.
KEVIN: Hey, I have to go to the bathroom.
''(Neil pats Kevin on the back.)''
NEIL: (assuringly) They have one!

== Trivia ==

A Day At Work With Kevin And Neil

2025-07-18T01:32:03Z

Callowrat:

{{Infobox_video
|title = A Day At Work With Kevin And Neil
|video_Category = Short films
|creator = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]]
|company = [[Plymouth Rock Studios]]
|cast = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], Rich
|crew = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]]
|year = September 25, 2008<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20090708005825/http://www.hollywoodeasttv.com/video/2131296:Video:29673#</ref>
|screenshot =
|duration = 02:40
}}

Kevin and Neil enjoy another long day at the office, strutting their filmmaking talents

'''''A Day At Work With Kevin And Neil''''' is a short film created for [[Plymouth Rock Studios]]' Hollywood East TV website. After both Hollywood East TV and the webhosting site blip.tv went down this video became unavailable and is currently lost, however a transcript has survived from the old WikiLemon.
It is a sequel to the '''''[[Neil and Kevin's First Day At Work]]''''' video, which is also currently lost.

==Transcript==
''(Elevator doors open. It says 8.54 A.M. in the corner. Neil and Kevin both yawn.)''''
Neil: Time to go to work.
Kevin: Yep. At Plymouth Rock Studios.
''(A few seconds pass.)''''
Neil and Kevin: Wrong floor, wrong floor.
''(They run back into the elevator.)''''
Neil: Three, right?
Kevin: Three.
''(Cut to Neil and Kevin walking through a hallway. It says 8.59 AM in the corner. They look down another hall.)''''
Kevin: It’s this way.
''(They keep going straight, but then turn around.)''''
Kevin: No, wait, it’s this way.
''(Neil points to somewhere off camera.)''''
Neil: Oh,there it is.
''(Cut to two people sitting at a computer. It says 9.07 AM in the corner. They’re having a conversation but their words are inaudible)''''
Kevin: Why are there people in our office?
Neil: Oh, well, it’s not technically our office, it’s an editing room. They just stick us in there ‘cause we don’t have an office.
Kevin: Ah.
Neil: Well, what do you want to do?
''(Kevin thinks a while.)''''
Kevin: Let’s go bother Rich.
Neil: Yeah!
''(Cut to Rich sitting at a desk with a computer. It says 9.26 AM in the corner. Neil and Kevin are hovering over him, filming and taking notes.)''''
Neil: Now can we get some more back-and-forth action over here?
''(Cut to the view from Kevin’s camera. In the corner it says “NO TAPE.”)''''
Neil: Yeah, that’s good. Alright, and act!
Rich: Guys, I’m kinda working here.
Neil: Yeah, okay. But you’re supposed to be a little more sad. You’re like, you just fired Louie and he gave you these puppy eyes as he left. And and and the puppy eyes remind you… and you have a flashback. To when you were a kid and you had a puppy, and the puppy ran away… Action.
''(Cut to Neil looking through the freezer. It says 12.00 PM in the corner. He closes the freezer door and starts looking through the refrigerator.)''''
Neil: Man, where’s the Gushers?
''(Cut to Kevin searching through baskets with various foodstuffs such as sugars and jellies.)''
Kevin: I think they’re out!
Neil: Ugh, I hate working here!
''(Cut to Neil and Kevin sitting at a table. They are eating from a bag of Lays chips. It says 1:''' 21 PM in the corner.)''
Neil: Well I’m full.
Kevin: Hey they got checkers!
''(They start to play checkers.)''
Neil: Pass.
''(Kevin makes a move.)''
Neil: Pass.
Neil: Pass.
Kevin: Let’s go edit.
Neil: Alright.
''(They leave.)''
''(Cut to Neil and Kevin sitting at a desk with two computers. It says 2.03 PM in the corner. On the screen is the video from when Kevin was filming Rich.)''''
Rich: All right, just stop before I fire you.
''(Hollywood East TV sign plays on the computer screen.)''
Neil: Not bad.
Kevin: Lookin’ good. Alright, how do I add an audio crossfade?
''(Cut to Neil and Kevin, confused and distressed. It says 4.32 PM in the corner.)''
Kevin: Oh here it is.
Neil: Oh, good. You know, I’m kinda sick of editing.
Kevin: Yeah, me too. We’ve been here all day. What’s something productive we can do?
''(Neil and Kevin look at Neil’s can of Diet Coke.)''
''(Cut to a slow-motion shot of Neil dropping the can into the recycling bin. It says 4.46 PM in the corner.)''
Neil: Yes! Wanna go home?
Kevin: Yeah, let’s go.
Neil: Alright.
''(Cut to the hallway. Neil and Kevin exit a door labeled “Plymouth Rock Studios.” It says 4.47 PM in the corner.)''
Neil: Boy, filmmaking sure is hard, huh?
Kevin: Yup. Here at Plymouth Rock Studios.
''(Hollywood East TV sign.)''

== Trivia ==

A Day At Work With Kevin And Neil

2025-07-18T01:28:46Z

Callowrat: updated page to fit in with the rest of the shorts

{{Infobox_video
|title = A Day At Work With Kevin And Neil
|video_Category = Short films
|series = [[New Kids on the Rock]]
|creator = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]]
|company = [[Plymouth Rock Studios]]
|cast = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], Rich
|crew = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]]
|year = September 25, 2008<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20090708005825/http://www.hollywoodeasttv.com/video/2131296:Video:29673#</ref>
|screenshot =
|duration = 02:40
}}

Kevin and Neil enjoy another long day at the office, strutting their filmmaking talents

'''''A Day At Work With Kevin And Neil''''' is a short film created for [[Plymouth Rock Studios]]' Hollywood East TV website. After both Hollywood East TV and the webhosting site blip.tv went down this video became unavailable and is currently lost, however a transcript has survived from the old WikiLemon.
It is a sequel to the '''''[[Neil and Kevin's First Day At Work]]''''' video, which is also currently lost.

==Transcript==
''(Elevator doors open. It says 8.54 A.M. in the corner. Neil and Kevin both yawn.)''''
Neil: Time to go to work.
Kevin: Yep. At Plymouth Rock Studios.
''(A few seconds pass.)''''
Neil and Kevin: Wrong floor, wrong floor.
''(They run back into the elevator.)''''
Neil: Three, right?
Kevin: Three.
''(Cut to Neil and Kevin walking through a hallway. It says 8.59 AM in the corner. They look down another hall.)''''
Kevin: It’s this way.
''(They keep going straight, but then turn around.)''''
Kevin: No, wait, it’s this way.
''(Neil points to somewhere off camera.)''''
Neil: Oh,there it is.
''(Cut to two people sitting at a computer. It says 9.07 AM in the corner. They’re having a conversation but their words are inaudible)''''
Kevin: Why are there people in our office?
Neil: Oh, well, it’s not technically our office, it’s an editing room. They just stick us in there ‘cause we don’t have an office.
Kevin: Ah.
Neil: Well, what do you want to do?
''(Kevin thinks a while.)''''
Kevin: Let’s go bother Rich.
Neil: Yeah!
''(Cut to Rich sitting at a desk with a computer. It says 9.26 AM in the corner. Neil and Kevin are hovering over him, filming and taking notes.)''''
Neil: Now can we get some more back-and-forth action over here?
''(Cut to the view from Kevin’s camera. In the corner it says “NO TAPE.”)''''
Neil: Yeah, that’s good. Alright, and act!
Rich: Guys, I’m kinda working here.
Neil: Yeah, okay. But you’re supposed to be a little more sad. You’re like, you just fired Louie and he gave you these puppy eyes as he left. And and and the puppy eyes remind you… and you have a flashback. To when you were a kid and you had a puppy, and the puppy ran away… Action.
''(Cut to Neil looking through the freezer. It says 12.00 PM in the corner. He closes the freezer door and starts looking through the refrigerator.)''''
Neil: Man, where’s the Gushers?
''(Cut to Kevin searching through baskets with various foodstuffs such as sugars and jellies.)''
Kevin: I think they’re out!
Neil: Ugh, I hate working here!
''(Cut to Neil and Kevin sitting at a table. They are eating from a bag of Lays chips. It says 1:''' 21 PM in the corner.)''
Neil: Well I’m full.
Kevin: Hey they got checkers!
''(They start to play checkers.)''
Neil: Pass.
''(Kevin makes a move.)''
Neil: Pass.
Neil: Pass.
Kevin: Let’s go edit.
Neil: Alright.
''(They leave.)''
''(Cut to Neil and Kevin sitting at a desk with two computers. It says 2.03 PM in the corner. On the screen is the video from when Kevin was filming Rich.)''''
Rich: All right, just stop before I fire you.
''(Hollywood East TV sign plays on the computer screen.)''
Neil: Not bad.
Kevin: Lookin’ good. Alright, how do I add an audio crossfade?
''(Cut to Neil and Kevin, confused and distressed. It says 4.32 PM in the corner.)''
Kevin: Oh here it is.
Neil: Oh, good. You know, I’m kinda sick of editing.
Kevin: Yeah, me too. We’ve been here all day. What’s something productive we can do?
''(Neil and Kevin look at Neil’s can of Diet Coke.)''
''(Cut to a slow-motion shot of Neil dropping the can into the recycling bin. It says 4.46 PM in the corner.)''
Neil: Yes! Wanna go home?
Kevin: Yeah, let’s go.
Neil: Alright.
''(Cut to the hallway. Neil and Kevin exit a door labeled “Plymouth Rock Studios.” It says 4.47 PM in the corner.)''
Neil: Boy, filmmaking sure is hard, huh?
Kevin: Yup. Here at Plymouth Rock Studios.
''(Hollywood East TV sign.)''

== Trivia ==

New Kids on the Rock 7: Unlucked

2025-07-17T15:56:03Z

Callowrat: page created

{{Infobox_video
|title = NKOTR: Unlucked (The Lost Episode)
|video_Category = Short films
|series = [[New Kids on the Rock]]
|creator = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]]
|cast = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]]
|crew = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]]
|year = N/A
|screenshot = nkotrclover.png
|duration = N/A
|externalLinks = [https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/vac0b3ipo59cna35277em/New-Kids-On-The-Rock-Eight.pdf?rlkey=qb05fdrd1ak59rfdt38yp1294&e=1&dl=0 Episode Script]
|lastEpisode = [[New Kids on the Rock 6: The New New Kid on the Rock | The New New Kid on the Rock]] (s2, e1)
|thisEpisode = '''Unlucked''' (Season 2, Episode 2) (Canceled)
|nextEpisode = [[New Kids on the Rock: The Money Tree | The Money Tree]]
}}

Unlucked was planned to be the second episode of season 2, and eighth overall of the [[New Kids on the Rock]] Series, but unfortunately never got finished due to major technical difficulties. After just over half a year since the last episode, Kevin has uploaded the only remnant of what the video was meant to be (Seen below).

== Video ==

<youtube>omJx-5-1fVI</youtube>

== Trivia ==
* In the description of the Youtube video above, Kevin linked the full originally planned script for the episode.

File:Nkotrclover.png

2025-07-17T15:48:22Z

Callowrat:

New Kids on the Rock 6: The New New Kid on the Rock

2025-07-17T15:33:15Z

Callowrat: page created

{{Infobox_video
|title = NKOTR: The New New Kid on the Rock
|video_Category = Short films
|series = [[New Kids on the Rock]]
|creator = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]]
|company = [[Plymouth Rock Studios]]
|cast = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]], [[Jake Quilty-Dunn]]
|crew = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]]
|year = July 24, 2009<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20090727162103/http://www.hollywoodeasttv.com/video/the-new-new-kid-on-the-rock</ref>
|screenshot = nnkotr.jpg
|duration = 08:18
|lastEpisode = [[New Kids on the Rock: Ryan's Christmas Wish | Ryan's Christmas Wish]] (Christmas Special)
|thisEpisode = '''The New New Kid on the Rock''' (Season 2, Episode 1)
|nextEpisode = [[New Kids on the Rock 7: Unlucked | Unlucked]] (s2, e2) (Canceled)
}}

The New Kids on the Rock experience their greatest foe to date- the "Great North American White Hipster."

== Transcript ==
''(The New Kids are preparing fishing lines.)''
Kevin: You know guys, I’m really excited to be doing this family-friendly children-oriented fishing webisode.
Neil: Yeah, me too! I mean, now that the studio’s dropped those charges against us, this will literally be a cinch!
Ryan: Yeah, and I’m excited to get a whole bucket of worms to bring with us!
Kevin: Yup! Between fishing and all the webisodes, things couldn’t be going better for the three of us.
''(There is a loud noise of glass shattering.)''
Neil: Oh! That must be another brick from those people who keep throwing bricks at us.
Kevin: Wait, wait- what?
Ryan: Another one? I’d say we’re about a dozen away from finishing that new fire pit outside!
Kevin: Wait, does this happen all the time when I’m not around or something?
Neil: Hey! It’s actually a message from the studio this time, guys!
Kevin: Well, I guess that’s a relief. What does it say?
Neil: *ahem* “Dear New Kids on the Rock. Fantastic work on your World-War-One-disillusioned-Hemingway-esque webisode. We are all very happy with the material you’ve given us so far. But, after a very productive board meeting, we have decided that you could be doing even better.”
Kevin: …Well, it’s good to know that they like the progress of our work.
Ryan: Yeah! What strangely mixed signals. Go on, please.
Neil: Thank you, Ryan. “In order to increase your appeal to a younger, hipper, trendier audience, we have decided to add a new New Kid on the Rock to your team.” Well, that sure is a surprise. I mean, who’s this new kid-
Spencer: Sup bros! I’m Spencer, the new rocker kid!
''(The camera zooms into his face and his name appears in bold, colorful text. There is the sound of thunder.)''
Ryan: You mean New Kid on the Rock?
Spencer: Yeah, whatever, Theodore Brosevelt.
Neil: Well-well, Spencer, it’s nice to meet you. Uh, how did you find our clubhouse?
Spencer: Oh, these nice bros with a bunch of bricks and a gun gave me directions on the way here.
Ryan: Yeah! More bricks!
Kevin: Um. It’s really great to meet you and all, Spencer, but, um, I just don’t think we need a fourth member of the team. We’ve been doing pretty good.
Spencer: That’s not what the dudes back at the station told me. You guys need a new edge. You’re totally out of touch with the kids. That’s why I’m here to show you bros what’s bitchin’ and what’s totally whack.
''(Neil looks confusedly at Spencer’s Hulkamania shirt.)''
Spencer: I of course only use the term “whack” ironically.
Kevin: So we’re gonna start our fishing webisode. You, uh, don’t wanna come with, do you?
Spencer: Tcha! I mean, fishing is so, like, the new golf, or whatever.
''(Ryan and Kevin look at Spencer awkwardly. Spencer pulls up a skateboard.)''
Spencer: I have a skateboard!
''(The New Kids and Spencer are walking through the forest with their fishing lines. The New Kids are in their usual close line, while Spencer lags slightly behind and is smoking.)''
Spencer: Sorry bros, scuse, but I just got a sick text that I’m now going to rudely interrupt everything we were doing to answer.
''(Spencer begins texting. The New Kids huddle.)''
Kevin: Okay, seriously, what the hell is going on?
Neil: I don’t know. Why did the studio send us this guy?
Ryan: I don’t know, I think he’s all right.
Neil: No, no, no, he’s like, takin’ MySpace pictures over there.
''(Shot of Spencer taking photos of himself smoking.)''
Neil: He’s like a hipster. It’s terrible.
Kevin: Yeah, seriously. And earlier today, we were talking about comic books, right? And Superman comes up, and he’s all like “Oh! I like it!”
Ryan: What’s wrong with that?
Kevin: He doesn’t actually ‘like’ superman comics. He likes them… ironically.
Ryan: Okay, okay, let’s just give him another chance. Let’s see what he’s up to. Come on
Spencer: Sorry about that, A-bro-ham Lincolns. I just got this nasty text saying that my girl Cynthia told Pam about this reality show that she should totally check. But she wasn’t really into it, ‘cause she’s going to the Crying Fish concert tonight, even though they’re totally like, a ripoff of Saturated Towels in Bloom, you know?
Neil: …Great. Let’s go fishing.
''(They are indoors in a bathroom.)''
Spencer: Facebook’s totally like the new MySpace. I mean, I only keep a MySpace ‘cause it’s like, ironic.
Kevin: Hey Spencer. Have you ever tried… not talking like that?
''(Ryan pops up from below with a bucket.)''
Ryan: I brought the worms!
Kevin: Hmm. All right. let’s set the white balance for this shot.
Spencer: You should totally do the white balance on like a green piece of paper. You know, like, add some am-bi-an-ce to the scene? I mean, green’s the new white anyway.
Kevin: …Or we can balance off something white, like what it’s called! Let’s go do it.
''(Shot through the camera of Neil and Ryan.)''
Kevin: I’m rolling.
Neil: Gee. Fishing sure is fun. But I hope we don’t run into the ghost of that horrible sea yeti again.
Ryan: Yeah. If we run into that sea yeti again, it sure would give conflict to our plot. Sure would be horrible if it showed up, and, you know, tried to eat some…. bo-
''(Spencer wanders into the shot.)''
Spencer: Dude, yeti? Yeti are like, so 2006. The chupacabra is totally the new yeti.
Kevin: No they’re not.
Neil: Um, Spencer? Why don’t you go off frame until we need you, okay?
Spencer: So what should I be doing in this quote video unquote?
Neil: Uh, did you just say “quote” phonetically?
Spencer: Well, tcha!
Neil: Just one second.
''(He and Kevin climb into the shower and close the curtain.)''
Neil: We have to do something about this guy.
Kevin: I know. Seriously, he’s such a… fool!
Neil: I know. We need Ryan on board, though. I think he’s on Spencer’s side.
Kevin: Don’t worry my friend. We simply have to give it time.
''(Shot of Spencer and Ryan laughing at what appears to be a Happy Meal picnic.)''
Spencer: So dude, I heard through the clothesline that you make videos where you like, talk to squids or something?
Ryan: You know, I do talk to squids, but I’ve never actually filmed myself doing it. How did you know that?
Spencer: Well you know, I think that like, if you want to do something, and, you know, you like, think about doing it, it’s kind of like the same thing as actually doing it. Or whatever.
Ryan: No.
Spencer: Well, I mean, with like, global warming, and the War in Iraq, I mean, how can we be expected to actually DO anything?
Ryan: Yeah. I guess you’re right, man.
Spencer: No, no, no. “I guess you’re right, BRO man.”
Ryan: Yeah. Bro.
''(Kevin and Neil are watching through binoculars.)''
Neil: He’s converting Ryan to his wicked scenester ways! We’ve gotta stop him!
Kevin: We have to be patient, my friend. Patience is key.
Ryan: Man, I’m hungry. Let’s whip out those burgers and fries, man.
Spencer: Waha. Bro, fries are so conformist. I only eat onion rings.
''(Ryan looks positively shocked.)''
Ryan: …Onion? ….Rings?
Spencer: Yeah bro! When I order from a massive fast-food conglomerate, I get slightly less popular food. Besides, they go great with my MP3 player!
''(He holds up an iPod nano.)''
Ryan: I- I’ve gotta go.
''(He runs off, and gets grabbed and pulled off by Neil and Kevin.)''
Neil: Listen Ryan, that Spencer kid? He’s not what he seems.
Kevin: Yeah. he’s bad news, seriously. He acts like he’s cool and everything, but he’s totally not. Oh, with his liking things… ironically.
Ryan: No guys! I- I totally agree! I mean, I thought that he was cool, too! But then it turns out… he gets onion rings instead of fries.
''(Neil and Kevin look somewhat confused.)''
Kevin: Yeah that’s why we don’t like them either.
Neil: Don’t worry Ryan, we’re like seven steps ahead of you.
Ryan: You mean-?
Neil: That’s right. Me and Kevin have developed a plan to remove said miscreant from our midst. Observe.
''(Ryan looks through the binoculars to one of those box-propped-on-a-stick traps. Several shirts are the bait.)''
Kevin: No scenester can resist-
Neil: Novelty and ironic T-shirts.
''(Spencer sees the shirts and crawls under the box to get them.)''
Neil: One,
Ryan: Two,
Kevin: Three!
''(They pull a rope and trap Spencer. They charge at the box screaming and seal it with tape. They write “to Outer Space 02115” on the outside, kick the box a few times, and paste stamps on it.)''
Ryan: We’re gonna need more stamps than that, Neil. Outer Space is pretty far away.
''(Neil pulls out a large number of stamps from the roll. They place the box next to a mailbox and kick it several more times. They run off, but Neil returns to lift the mailbox flag.)''
''(Cut to Outer Space. The box is floating through the void.)''
Spencer: I’ll get you, you New Kids on the Rock!
''(The New Kids are laughing in the living room again.)''
Neil: Well, I’m sure glad all that nonsense is out of our hair.
Ryan: Mmm-hmm.
Kevin: Seriously. Looks like everything’s back to normal.
Ryan: Heh, yeah, that sure was a close one. Hey, you know, earlier today I was talking to those nice guys who keep giving us bricks, and one of them asked really ominously where we’d like our teeth to be mailed if they were the only remnants of our body recovered by the police.
Kevin: Oh come on now. That’s an easy one, Ryan!
Ryan: …Really?
Neil: Oh yeah! Sure it is!
Ryan: Well, where would they go?
Neil: H-T-T-P-:-/-/-W-W-W-DOT
All three: Hollywoodeasttv.com!
''(Credits.)''

== Video ==

<youtube>w7N6yFyvP4I</youtube>

=== Credits ===
* '''''Cast'''''
** '''Neil Cicierega:''' ''Self''
** '''Kevin James:''' ''Self''
** '''Ryan Murphy:''' ''Self''
** '''Jake Quilty-Dunn:''' ''Spencer''

* '''''Crew'''''
** '''Created By:''' ''Neil Cicierega, Kevin James, Ryan Murphy''
** '''Edited By:''' ''Kevin James, Neil Cicierega''
** '''Original Music By:''' ''Neil Cicierega''

== Trivia ==
* 02115 is a zip code located in Boston, Massachusetts.

File:Nnkotr.jpg

2025-07-17T15:27:45Z

Callowrat:

New Kids on the Rock 5: The Vigilante

2025-07-17T15:00:24Z

Callowrat: added company

{{Infobox_video
|title = NKOTR: The Vigilante
|video_Category = Short films
|series = [[New Kids on the Rock]]
|creator = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]]
|company = [[Plymouth Rock Studios]]
|cast = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]], TJ O'Brien, Steve Madden
|crew = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]], TJ O'Brien
|year = September 15, 2008<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20090207033007/http://www.hollywoodeasttv.com/video/2131296:Video:27883</ref>
|screenshot = nkotr5full.png
|duration = 06:05
|lastEpisode = [[New Kids on the Rock 4: The Curse of Spooky Manor | Pilot]] (s1, e4)
|thisEpisode = '''The Vigilante''' (Season 1, Episode 5) (Season Finale)
|nextEpisode = [[New Kids on the Rock: Ryan's Christmas Wish | Ryan's Christmas Wish]] (Christmas Special)
}}

== Transcription ==
''(The screen shows a field of stars, with text over it.)''
Text: SEVERAL WEEKS AGO IN PLYMOUTH, MASSACHUSETTS A LONE MOVIE STUDIO HIRED THREE OF THE SOUTH SHORE’S FINEST TO MAKE SHORT FILMS. TOGETHER, THEY BECAME A BAND OF MOVIE MAKERS THE LIKES OF WHICH HAVE NEVER BEEN SEEN. NEW KIDS ON THE ROCK.
''(The New Kids are walking outside at night, eating ice cream.)''
Kevin: Mmmm! Boy, that cookie dough sure is good tonight, guys!
Neil: This black raspberry is delicious!
Ryan: Mmmm! And this sherbet’s pretty good, too!
Kevin: Oh Ryan! You’re so weird!
''(Ryan looks at Kevin. Suddenly music starts to play. A person is listening to rap on a boombox. The rap continues to play under some of the dialogue.)''
You say “what,” I say “kill you”
“What” “kill you” “What” “kill you”
You say “who” I say “holies(?)”
“Who” “holies” “Who” “holies”
You say “good” I say “burger”
“Good” “burger” “Good” “burger”
You say “Kenan” I say “Kam”
“Kenan” “Kam” “Kenan” “Kam”
You say “what,” I say “kill you”
“What” “kill you” “What” “kill you”
You say “who” I say “holies(?)”
“Who” “holies” “Who” “holies”
You say “good” I say “burger”
“Good” “burger” “Good” “burger”
You say “Kenan” I say “Kam”
“Kenan” “Kam” “Kenan” “Kam”
You say “what-”
Kevin: Say man, you mind turning that music down?
Neil: Yeah, we’re trying to enjoy our ice cream!
''(The person puts down the boombox and walks towards the New Kids.)
Person: Maybe I wanna keep my music on? And maybe… I want those ice creams. Give ‘em to me.
Neil: No! Not our ice creams!
''(Ryan throws his ice cream over his shoulder and walks over to the person and beats them up. Neil and Kevin drop their ice cream in surprise. Finally Ryan kicks the person into their boombox, which turns off with a record scratch sound.)
Kevin: Wow Ryan, that was great! You should do that more often! God.
''(Kevin and Neil walk off.)
Neil: Did you see that? He iced that mofo!
Kevin: Yeah, tell me about it.
''(Ryan is staring at his hands. The scene changes to inside his house, and he is still staring.)
Neil: Hey Ryan, what’s the matter? You’ve been in your study for hours.
Ryan: I’ve never done anything like that. I’ve never been in a fight in my life. I- I didn’t know I could move like that.
Neil: Ryan, I think it’s time you knew.
''(Neil pulls a book on the shelf, which then moves over to reveal a doorway. They enter the dark hallway beyond.)
Neil: Ryan, you come from a long line of crime-fighters. Rogue vigilantes, who decided to make a difference.
''(Neil motions to clearly edited photos of Ryan. One with a beard and bowler hat, one with an eyepatch and sailor hat, and one with large round glasses and a goatee.)
Neil: Your father, his father before him, and his father’s father. Each of them took a vow,
''(Ryan is now suiting up in Batman-style, including a mask and goggles.)
Neil: To take a stand against the powers of evil. You too can become a symbol of hope for those in peril. You too can become the guardian of the well-being of the people of Plymouth. Yes you, Ryan, can become… the black man.
''(They are back in the passageway.)
Ryan: I’ll work on the name, but generally I like it!
''(Cut to a parking lot at night. A man exits a convenience store and goes to unlock his car. The door is slammed by Ryan, in full gear.)
Ryan: (talking in a guttural voice) I find your parking job a bit misleading. Don’t you?
Man: Excuse me?
Ryan: You’re parked at the dry cleaner’s, wasting a valuable parking space.
''(The camera shows that the dry cleaner’s is closed.)
Ryan: All so that you could go buy some chips. That might be okay where you’re from, but that kind of action won’t fly in my town.
''(Ryan pulls the man over and beats him up.)
''(Kevin is reading a paper with the headline “CRAZED VIGILANTE STRIKES AGAIN.” Neil is eating cereal.)
Kevin: Neil, I think Ryan’s completely lost it.
Neil: Kevin, I think it’s time you knew.
''(Neil opens the passageway again and shows Kevin the three photos.)
Neil: Ryan’s entire bloodline is completely insane. Every damn one of them.
Kevin: My god. Why didn’t you tell Ryan about this?
Neil: Um, I don’t know. I just wanted to see if he’d do it.
''(Ryan is out on the hunt once more. A man jaywalks.)
Ryan: (in the same guttural voice) Jaywalking!
''(He leaps into action and accosts the jaywalker in an alley.)
Ryan: Just who do you think you are?
Person: Hey man, what’s the big idea?
Ryan: You think you’re brave? Think your some kind of tough guy? Think you can just walk around, doing anything you want? We’ll see how brave you are when we take off these sunglasses and hat-
''(The person is revealed to by Kevin.)
Ryan: Ke-ke-ke (normally) Kevin.
Kevin: Don’t you see, Ryan? How crazy it’s all gotten? We’re afraid of you! You and your… twisted version of justice! You’re a horrible fascist. You have to choose now: beat me senseless and uphold your… “law,” or go back to being the Ryan Murphy we’ve all come to know and love?
Ryan: I- I-
''(He takes off the mask and glasses.)
Ryan: I choose to be your friend, Kevin. I- I’m sorry. This all got way out of hand. Let’s- let’s just go home.
''(Neil pops up and holds a rag to Ryan’s face. Ryan passes out.)
Kevin: Good job, Neil.
Neil: Couldn’t have done it without my chloroform!
''(The three are now out in a pristine lake setting. Ryan is fishing. Kevin skips a rock, and Neil simply throws one in.)
Neil: You know guys, these past few weeks have been quite amazing, haven’t they?
Ryan: Indeed, they have. Y’know, we never made a webisode this week.
Neil: Hmm.
Kevin: Yeah, but none of that matters now.
Ryan: Because we get paid up-front?
Kevin: Because there’ll be more webisodes to come. More stories.
Neil: More adventures.
Ryan: More movies.
Kevin: Think they’ll know where to look for them?
Neil: Oh, I think they’ll know where.
''(“Hollywoodeasttv.com” is emblazoned on the sky, next to the moon. A comet shines across the screen, collides with the moon, and explodes.)
Ryan: Ooh.
''(Credits roll.)
New Kids on the Rock
New Kids on the Rock, Rock, Rock, Rock,
New Kids on the Rock
New Kids on the Rock

== Video ==

<youtube>FXEPD75Y2P8</youtube>

=== Credits ===
* '''''Cast'''''
** '''Neil Cicierega:''' ''Self''
** '''Kevin James:''' ''Self''
** '''Ryan Murphy:''' ''Self''
** '''TJ O'Brien:''' ''The Innocent Man''
** '''Steve Madden:''' ''The Thug''

* '''''Crew:'''''
** '''Created By:''' ''Neil Cicierega, Kevin James, Ryan Murphy''
** '''Grip:''' ''TJ O'Brien''
** '''Edited By:''' ''Kevin James''
** '''Original Music By:''' ''Neil Cicierega''

== Trivia ==

New Kids on the Rock 4: The Curse of Spooky Manor

2025-07-17T15:00:11Z

Callowrat: added company

{{Infobox_video
|title = NKOTR: The Curse of Spooky Manor
|video_Category = Short films
|series = [[New Kids on the Rock]]
|creator = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]]
|company = [[Plymouth Rock Studios]]
|cast = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]], Dave Pollick
|crew = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]]
|year = September 2, 2008<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20090412152553/http://www.hollywoodeasttv.com/video/2131296:Video:25270</ref>
|screenshot = nkotr4full.png
|duration = 08:09
|lastEpisode = [[New Kids on the Rock 3: Bully Troubles | Bully Troubles]] (s1, e3)
|thisEpisode = '''The Curse of Spooky Manor''' (Season 1, Episode 4)
|nextEpisode = [[New Kids on the Rock 5: The Vigilante | The Vigilante]] (s1, e5)
}}

Our heroes go on their spookiest adventure yet...

== Transcript ==
''(The usual intro is replaced with spooky green text and the music only utilizes a single singer.)''
Singer: Neeeewwww Kiiiidsss Ooooonnn Theeeeee Roooooock! Mya-ha-ha-ha-ha!
''(The New Kids are playing with an Ouija board. Kevin is writing down the message)''
Neil and Ryan: D… I…. O… S.
Neil: What does that spell, Kevin?
Kevin: Hey! It’s a message from the studio, guys!
Ryan: Golly!
Kevin: Dear New Kids on the Rock.
''(He indicates that they are the New Kids on the Rock.)''
Kevin: Great job on your dystopian cyberpunk webisode! Unfortunately, we cannot give you your paycheck however, due to a minor stipulation in your contract, until you have spent one night in… Spooky Manor?
''(Lightning flashes.)''
Ryan: Golly!
Kevin: Sincerely, Plymouth Rock Studios. I don’t like the sound of this one bit, guys.
Neil: Me neither. I mean, you know what they say about Spooky Manor, right guys?
Ryan: No. What do they say?
''(Neil walks to a window with a ridiculously overdone “Spooky Manor” visible outside.)''
Neil: They say… it’s haunted!
Kevin: Horsefeathers. Neil, I thought you were a man of science.
Neil: Science? There’s no SCIENCE where we’re going tonight, my friends. Only blood-curdling horrors from beyond. Ryan, do you have your toothbrush?
Ryan: (Holding up three toothbrushes) I have all our toothbrushes.
Neil: Good. Let’s go!
''(The three are cheerfully walking up a hill with sleeping bags, presumably towards Spooky Manor.)''
Kevin: You know, this is actually pretty exciting. I really like sleepovers.
Neil: Yeah, I’m actually not scared at all.
Ryan: Nothing could possibly deter us!
Cooper: Fools! Naive children!
Neil: It’s Old Man Cooper, the groundskeeper!
Kevin: Hey mister! What’s the big idea?
Cooper: There ain’t but one thing you’re gonna find in that HORRIBLE old house, and that’s DOOM with a capital “OOM.” Take it from me, Old Man Cooper, an innocent old groundskeeper with no particular vested interest in that HORRIBLE house!
''(The New Kids pause for a moment, and walk away.)''
Ryan: I guess he just really cares.
Kevin: Eh, he’s just bustin’ our chops. It’s an old man thing.
Neil: Yeah, to hell with him! Let’s just forget about his existence entirely.
''(They enter the house.)''
Neil: This must be the place.
Ryan: Golly!
Neil: Spooky Manor, the spookiest manor in Plymouth County.
Kevin: Spooky Manor! I’ve eaten spookier manors than this for breakfast. In my sleep. C’mon guys! Let’s go.
Neil: *gulp*
''(A painting of a covered bridge opens two small holes and eyes peek through.)''
''(The sleepover has begun.)''
Neil: I dunno, just something about this place gives me the creeps.
Kevin: Are you sure it’s not just Ryan?
''(Ryan grins creepily.)''
Neil: No, something far more sinister lurks in this house, Kevin.
Ryan: Maybe it’s… a ghost?!
Neil: Yeah, I’m guessing it’s either a ghost, or Count Dracula.
Kevin: Relax Neil, there’s no such thing as counts.
''(A grandfather clock chimes ominously.)''
Kevin: Well, it’s time for bed, guys! Let’s hit the hay.
Ryan: Yeah. I’m gonna sleep like a giant baby tonight.
Neil: Hey, maybe one of us should like, stand guard while the others sleep. Y’know, we could do it in shifts.
Kevin: That’s a great idea. You go first.
Ryan: (throwing Neil a flashlight) Sleep tight!
''(Neil goes exploring up to the second floor. He walks across a creaky floor, almost knocks over a lamp, and is startled by a creepy music box.)''
Neil: Whew. Just a creepy old music box.
''(Neil turns to see a man in a black robe and skeleton mask behind him. As Neil gasps, the camera moves to Kevin sleeping, downstairs.)''
Neil: (offscreen) AAAAAAHHHHHH!
''(Ryan awakens.)''
Neil: AAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
Ryan: Kevin! Kevin, wake up!
Kevin: Mmmm. What is it?
Ryan: Wait, wait…
Neil: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
Ryan: What’s that noise?
Kevin: It’s probably just the wind or something. Go back to sleep.
Ryan: No, I think it’s Neil screaming.
Neil: AAAAAHHHH! AHHHHHHHH! AAAAAAAAHHHHH!
Kevin: Oh yeah, it does kinda sound like that, doesn’t it?
Ryan: We should help him.
Kevin: *snores*
Ryan: WE SHOULD HELP HIM.
Kevin: All right. All right.
Neil: AAAAAAHHH! AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!
''(They walk into the room where Neil was last seen.)''
Kevin: (whispering) Neil! Where is he?
Ryan: Hey, there he is!
''(Neil is is a fetal position, holding his flashlight like a weapon.)''
Ryan: Hey Neil!
Neil: Ah!
Kevin and Ryan: Ah!
Neil: AHH!
Kevin and Ryan: AHH!
Neil: AAAHH!
Kevin and Ryan: AAAHH!
Neil: …Oh hey!
Ryan: What’s wrong, Neil?
Neil: I saw… a- a GHOUL!
Kevin: Okay, come on now, Neil. A ghoul?
Neil: What, what, waddaya want, proof?
Kevin: No, it’s all just a little bit-
Neil: (with cellphone) ‘Cause I took a picture.
Kevin: Oh wow.
Ryan: That’s a ghoul all right.
Neil: See? See, there was this ghoul, and he sneered right at me. And he spooked me.
Ryan: Golly!
''(Kevin stands up next to a ceramic fish.)''
Kevin: I don’t know, guys. There’s something mighty fishy about all this. Maybe it’s time we… investigate?
Ryan: Yeah!
Neil: YEEAAAAH!
''(They are exploring the house.)''
Kevin: I think we’d better split up.
Ryan: I agree with Kevin.
Kevin: Thank you, Ryan. I’m gonna head down this way.
''(Kevin leaves.)''
Ryan: Let’s not split up. Kevin is filled with terrible ideas.
Neil: Okay Ryan.
Ryan: Let’s go this way (Kevin is in the basement.)''
Kevin: A-ha!
''(He runs over to a dufflebag and takes out some money. He smells it.)''
Kevin: Counterfeit money. And what’s that?
''(He pulls some CDs out of a backpack.)''
Kevin: Pirated software. The plot thickens.
''(He runs over to a wall of gardening tools.)''
Kevin: Gardening tools. And a wallet, belonging to Old Man Cooper! Hmm… WAIT A MINUTE!
''(Neil and Ryan are walking down a hallway.)''
Ryan: So you’re sure that you saw a ghoul, Neil?
Neil: I swear on your grave, Ryan. I saw a ghoul.
Ryan: No, I believe you, but I don’t know, I’m starting to develop pretty atheistic views about the possibility of the existence of, y’know, supernatural beeeiiiii-AHHH!
''(Neil and Ryan both scream as the camera pans to show the ghoul is in front of them.)''
Ghoul: Leave this place at once, New Kids on the Rock! Or else!
Neil: What-whatever you say, Mr. Ghoul!
Ghoul: NOOWWWWW!
''(Kevin enters with a backhoe.)''
Kevin: They ain’t goin’ anyweah!
''(He throws the hoe. Although the ghoul catches it, he still falls backward, incapacitated.)''
Ghoul: Oh no!
Ryan: Kevin!
Neil: You’re alive!
Ryan: And you saved us!
Kevin: With a little investigating, I managed to find some counterfeit money and gardening tools in the basement. Looks like the show’s over for Mr. Ghoul here, or should I say, Old Man Coo-
''(As Kevin removes the ghoul’s mask, tentacles spew forth. They all scream. The tentacles remove Kevin’s eyes.)''
Kevin: MY EYES!
''(They continue to scream, and Neil and Ryan run away and escape. Kevin tries to run away, but hits a wall.)''
''(Neil and Ryan are now sitting in a cemetery with a small jar.)''
Neil: Well, I’m sure glad we got the paycheck!
Ryan: Yeah! And we only have to split it two ways!
Neil: AND our dystopian cyberpunk webisode was a smash hit!
Ryan: What do you think about it, Kevin?
''(The camera shows the jar, which has a picture labeled “prestige” on the front.)''
Ryan: Wait, Kevin can’t talk. He’s dead.
Neil: Oh. Poor Kevin.
Ryan: So where do you suppose he went? To Heaven or to Hell?
Neil: Oh, neither.
Ryan: Well then, where did he go?
Neil: H-T-T-P-:-/-/-W-W-W-DOT
Neil and Ryan: HOLLYWOODEASTTV.COM!
''(The URL appears on the screen. The credits roll. At the end, as a post-credits scene, it shows the Kevin jar.)''
Kevin: (muffled) I’m dead!

== Video ==

<youtube>pYJMtA5NlCU</youtube>

=== Credits ===
* '''''Cast'''''
** '''Neil Cicierega:''' ''Self''
** '''Kevin James:''' ''Self''
** '''Ryan Murphy:''' ''Self''
** '''Dave Pollick:''' ''Old Man Cooper''

* '''''Crew:'''''
** '''Created By:''' ''Neil Cicierega, Kevin James, Ryan Murphy''
** '''Original Score By:''' ''Neil Cicierega''

== Trivia ==

New Kids on the Rock 3: Bully Troubles

2025-07-17T14:59:59Z

Callowrat: added company

{{Infobox_video
|title = NKOTR: Bully Troubles
|video_Category = Short films
|series = [[New Kids on the Rock]]
|creator = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]]
|company = [[Plymouth Rock Studios]]
|cast = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]], Max Pacheco, [[Ben Cicierega]], Steve Bailey
|crew = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]]
|year = August 18, 2008<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20100326014611/http://www.hollywoodeasttv.com/video/video/show?id=2131296:Video:22460</ref>
|screenshot = nkotr3full.png
|duration = 06:36
|lastEpisode = [[New Kids on the Rock 2: Romantic Comedy | Romantic Comedy]] (s1, e2)
|thisEpisode = '''Bully Troubles''' (Season 1, Episode 3)
|nextEpisode = [[New Kids on the Rock 4: The Curse of Spooky Manor | The Curse of Spooky Manor]] (s1, e4)
}}

The guys are terrorized by a high school bully.

== Transcript ==
''(The title appears over a school while a bell rings.)''
''(Neil, Ryan and Kevin start to cross a street)''
Ryan: So according to this ancient stone tablet we got from the studio, we’ve got to make ourselves a psychological thriller webisode.
Neil: Oh that should be fun.
Kevin: Hey guys lets cut the film talk for 10 seconds, we’re going to be late to class.
Ryan and Neil: Oh yeah.
Neil: Hey wait a minute, we’re-we’re 21, we don’t go to high school, anymore.
Kevin: Oh.
Ryan: Let’s get out of here.
''(They turn around and leave.)''
''(Max has Ben pinned to a wall.)''
Max: Your money or your teeth, kid.
''(Neil, Ryan and Kevin walk by.)''
Kevin: Hey, what are you guys up to?
Max: What did you say?
Neil: It’s Max! No-nothing Max. We didn’t know it was you.
Max: What do you fart faces want? You looking for a knuckle sandPUNCH?
Ben: They aren’t fart faces, they’re the New Kids on the Rock, and they won’t let you get away with this!
Kevin (whispering): Shut up.
Max: New Kids on the Rock huh? More like News Kids… that… suck! Heh, oh that’s great I got to write that one down. (He pulls out a notebook) Let’s see here, newwwwwww, k, kid…
''(Neil, Ryan and Kevin run away, quickly followed by Ben.)''
Max: Oh I’ll get you, you new kids, that suck.
''(Kevin is doing repairs to his car.)''
Kevin: Fixin’ my car, fixin’ my truck, fixin’ her good, fixin’ her up… What the- Hey!
''(Max has pinned Kevin against his car.)''
Kevin: Max! Funny, seeing you here! In my… house…
Max: Heh. Kevin James. More like… Kevin LAMES!
Kevin: No! Not Kevin Lames! That’s mean!
''(Max gives Kevin a huge wedgie. Kevin screams.)''
''(Neil is playing with his Ron and Harry puppets.)''
Neil: (talking through Harry) and that’s why people with red hair can never learn to love, Ron. (talking through Ron) But what about all of these mixed up feeling I feel inside, Harry? (Speaking through Harry) The only thing YOU can feel inside is… (Neil pauses to look at the puppets) The only thing you can f- (Neil stops talking with the puppets) What is- what the heck? Some kind of strange powder, and it itches.
''(Shot of Max holding a container labeled “ITCHING POWDER” and laughing.)''
''(Max is pouring glue into Ryan’s shoes. Ryan rolls out of bed and shuffles over to put his shoes on. Max hits him repeatedly with a baseball bat.)''
''(The three New Kids on the Rock are sitting together. Neil is wearing heavy rubber gloves, Kevin is sitting as though in pain, and Ryan is beat up and not wearing shoes.)''
Kevin: God, Max has been bullying us all for years!
Neil: Well of course he has! He’s the biggest, meanest, scariest guy in town!
Ryan: I know! We’re helpless!
Kevin: Wait! That’s it!
Ryan: What? What’s it?
Kevin: Don’t you guys see it? WE’RE helpless, alone. But what about… together?
Neil: That’s right! With our
''(The three move their hands together and a light shines.)''
All three: COMBINED EFFORTS
Neil: It could be enough to finally teach that bully a lesson!
Ryan: We’re going to have to come up with a plan.
Kevin: I know what we could do. Max thinks he’s soooo cool with that car he’s got, right?
Neil: Mmm-hmm.
Kevin: We’ll just head down and grab a potato, and stick it in his car’s exhaust pipe. That way the whole thing reeks like a potato when he turns it over.
Neil: Hahahahaha, Oh his face’ll be so red!
Ryan: Yeah! (taking out a baggie of hair) And then we can sneak into his house late at night, and I’ll take a little pair of tweezers and we’ll pry his mouth open, and we’ll fill it with all these little hairballs that I’ve been collecting from combs and things of women over the last eight months!
Kevin: …OR we could do the potato thing I just said.
Neil: (standing up) We shall find the greatest potato in the town! Let’s put this plan into action.
''(Max is shooting crows with a slingshot next to his car.)''
Max: Heheheh. Stupid bird.
''(Steve runs up to Max.)''
Steve: Hey mister? Mister, could you help me find my dog, please? I lost him all the way over there, and he’s been gone for almost a day now. Could- could you please help me find him?
Max: Sure, I’ll help you find your puppy.
Steve: Thanks, mister!
Max: With a KNUCKLE SANDWICH! With my FIST! IN YOUR FACE!
''(Steve runs away as Max laughs.)''
Max: (kisses fist) Ah.
''(He pulls out his notebook and adds another tally mark for “crying kids.”)''
Max: Heh. I’m gonna put this one on the fridge.
''(The New Kids are watching over a pile of rocks.)''
Kevin: All right guys, everyone remember their positions?
Ryan: I- I really don’t like this plan.
Neil: It’s okay, Ryan. It’s not your fault.
Kevin: All right, let’s put this plan into action. Come on.
''(Max is admiring his notebook.)''
Ryan: Hey there, Sonny!
''(Ryan is wearing a ridiculous vaudeville-style outfit and holding several LPs, the top of which shows a drawing of a banana.)''
Ryan: You seem like the kind of fella who’s KEEN on MUSIC!
''(Neil and Kevin are placing the potato in Max’s exhaust pipe.)''
Ryan: I’m selling these RECORDS to try and get money for my VAUDEVILLE troupe! We’ve got all KINDS of music! Why, say there! Do- do you kids like the jaa-
''(Max starts strangling Ryan.)''
Ryan: As a matter of fact, you can just take some of them! or.. all of them! I don’t know… eh?
Max: Hey. Didn’t I already beat you up today?
Ryan: Yeah! And it doesn’t count if it’s twice in the same day, y’know?
''(Ryan runs off.)''
Max: Oh yeah. Hey, what?
''(The three New Kids are now grouped together in safety behind the rock pile.)''
Ryan: Did it work?
Kevin: We’re gonna find out!
Ryan: Let’s go take a look!
Max: Ehh, I’ll get him twice tomorrow.
''(He gets in the car and turns it on. The car violently explodes.)''
Neil: Wha-? Whaah! (He catches a shoe) Oh my god!
Kevin: I can’t believe that just happened.
Ryan: Well, that’s that!
Neil: Waddaya mean, “that’s that?” We just- we just killed a man! I mean-
''(Kevin picks up the potato.)''
Ryan: I know. We didn’t even get our webisode done yet this week!
Neil: Who cares about the webisode?! I mean, is there gonna be a funeral? I mean-
Kevin: You want a baked potato?
Neil: (throwing it to the ground) Oh my god, that’s the death potato!
''(The three are now on a playground slide.)''
Kevin: I’m sure glad everything turned out okay in the end.
Ryan: Yeah, we got our psychological thriller webisode done in record time.
Neil: Yeah. Y’know, I think this is our best one yet.
Kevin: Yeah, Ryan, that Scorsese you pulled in the dream sequence? Fantastic!
Ryan: Hey, thanks man! And Neil, I really like the way you completely redefined film as an art form.
Neil: Hey, it’s-it’s what I do!
Kevin: Hey! It’s done uploading!
Neil: I hope they like it!
Ryan: What is this website called again?
Neil: H-T-T-P-:-/-/-W-W-W-dot
''(They slide down the slide as the URL follows them.)''
All three: Hollywoodeasttv.com!
''(Credits play, with usual credits theme.)''

== Video ==

<youtube>9JTLIImGUK8</youtube>

=== Credits ===
* '''''Cast'''''
** '''Neil Cicierega:''' ''Self''
** '''Kevin James:''' ''Self''
** '''Ryan Murphy:''' ''Self''
** '''Max Pacheco:''' ''Self''
** '''Ben Cicierega:''' ''Kid 1''
** '''Steve Bailey:''' ''Kid 2''

* '''''Crew:'''''
** '''Created By:''' ''Neil Cicierega, Kevin James, Ryan Murphy''
** '''Theme Song By:''' ''Neil Cicierega''

== Trivia ==

New Kids on the Rock 2: Romantic Comedy

2025-07-17T14:59:46Z

Callowrat: added company

{{Infobox_video
|title = NKOTR: Romantic Comedy
|video_Category = Short films
|series = [[New Kids on the Rock]]
|creator = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]]
|company = [[Plymouth Rock Studios]]
|cast = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]], Kristen Hale, [[Nancy Cicierega]], TJ O'Brien, [[Emmy Cicierega]]
|crew = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]]
|year = August 4, 2008<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20090928131114/http://www.hollywoodeasttv.com/video/video/show?id=2131296%3AVideo%3A18302</ref>
|screenshot = nkotr2full.png
|duration = 07:13
|lastEpisode = [[New Kids on the Rock 1: Pilot | Pilot]] (s1, e1)
|thisEpisode = '''Romantic Comedy''' (Season 1, Episode 2)
|nextEpisode = [[New Kids on the Rock 3: Bully Troubles | Bully Troubles]] (s1, e3)
}}

Kevin goes on a date.

== Transcript ==
''(The title appears, constructed of clay.)''
SINGERS: New kids on the rock! New kids on the rock!
''(Neil, Kevin, and Ryan are walking in circles)''
RYAN: I really wish the assignment was here already.
NEIL: (sighs) I’m sure we’ll get it when the time is right.
KEVIN: (sighs) You know, I’m sure it will pop up soon.
''(An arrow with a notes hits the wall next to Kevin.)''
NEIL AND RYAN: It’s here!
''(Neil pulls out arrow and reads the note.)''
NEIL: Oh man! I’m so excited! It says… we have to make a romantic comedy episode, where Kevin gets to go on a first date, with a girl!
''(audience oohs)''
RYAN: But, but wait, Kevin already has a girlfriend.
KEVIN: Oh, what’s her name?
NEIL: Uh, Wendy.
KEVIN: Aw, that’s a cute name.
RYAN: N-no, t-this is wrong. I will have no part in this.
''(Ryan exits the door.)''
NEIL: We gotta get you ready, James.
''(Camera shows Neil helping Kevin get prepared for his date.)''
KEVIN: I don’t know, Neil. What if she doesn’t like me?
NEIL: You’re not giving yourself enough credit, buddy. I mean, you’re a good looking guy, except for that crooked eye thing.
KEVIN: Crooked eye thing?
NEIL: It’ll be a cinch! Our plan will work perfectly.
KEVIN: I don’t know, Neil. You really think so?
NEIL: Hey man, I know so.
''(Kevin is now waiting at a bar)''
KEVIN: All right, no pressure, no pressure, just a little date, just a little surprise date with Wendy. She should be here any minute, no pressure at all, absolutely no pressure, just a little date.
''(The camera shows another couple)''
LAUREN: Oh Scott! This has been the most wonderful first date ever!
SCOTT: And it’s about to get better, Lauren. Will you marry me?
LAUREN: Oh! Yes!
''(Camera shows Kevin again)''
WENDY: (taps Kevin) Hey Kevin.
KEVIN: Huh?! Oh jeez! Oh, hi Wendy! Do you, um, do you want to go and eat?
WENDY: Yeah.
KEVIN: Okay.
''(They are sitting at a table. Kevin is staring at Wendy.)''
WENDY: So it’s great to finally meet you.
KEVIN: Oh yeah! You too. I mean, you’re telling me, it’s been great.
WENDY: I’m sorry if I was a bit late, I was at the studio making some prints. What do you for work?
KEVIN: … Would you excuse me while I use the restroom?
WENDY: Sure.
''(Kevin goes into a restroom stall and uses his Communicator Wristwatch.)''
''(Neil is shown in a van in a parking lot with a monitor showing Kevin)''
NEIL: Oh, hey Kevin. What’s up?
KEVIN: Oh, thank God you’re there. Neil, I need to know… what do we do for a living?
NEIL: We make movies Kevin, that’s what we do.
KEVIN: Ah, thanks pal, you’re a lifesaver.
''(Camera shows the table again.)''
KEVIN: So yeah, nothing really big, just a few projects here and there. Have you ever heard of a little show called “New Kids on the Rock”?
WENDY: No.
KEVIN: Oh.
''(Camera now shows Ryan brushing the hair of doll heads.)''
''(Camera goes to Kevin in the restroom stall.)''
KEVIN: She doesn’t like me, man. What do I do?
NEIL: Hey, j-just stay calm. Just remember what sets you apart from Ryan and I.
KEVIN: My jacket!
NEIL: You’re manly Kevin, do manly things, like football, beating people up, come on.
KEVIN: Oh, thanks Neil, you’re a lifesaver.
''(Police siren sounds.)''
NEIL: Oh damn.
''(Camera shows the table again.)''
KEVIN: So that’s workin’ out pretty good.
WENDY: Wait, is that real leather?
KEVIN: Yeah, isn’t it cool?
WENDY: No, not cool. Fur is murder.
KEVIN: Leather ain’t fur.
''(Camera shows the van again.)''
POLICE: Open up! This is the police!
NEIL: Ryan, you gotta help me Ryan. Kevin’s too busy on a date.
''(Camera shows Ryan playing with a puppet, ignoring the ringing phone.)''
NEIL: Damn you Murphy! I-I-I-I plan on using this equipment to liberate wrongly imprisoned police officers! I’m innocent, gah!
KEVIN: Listen Wendy, I’ve got a confession to make. My friend Neil, he’s outside giving me advice on this date with you, he’s been helping me out with this communicator watch…
WENDY: Communicator watch? Hey, that’s pretty cool!
KEVIN: Yeah, Neil’s outside, he’s been trying to help me all night with this date with you.
WENDY: Aw, that’s so sweet. That’s adorable. Hey, would you walk me home?
''(Camera shows Kevin and Wendy walking to her porch.)''
KEVIN: Goodnight Wendy.
WENDY: Goodnight Kevin.
KEVIN: Yes! Yes! Yes!
''(It is now morning and Kevin is walking up to Wendy’s house. Ryan and Neil, who is in a prison suit, give Kevin thumbs up.)''
''(Kevin knocks on door.)''
WOMAN: Hello?
KEVIN: Hi, is Wendy here?
WOMAN: Wendy? She’s been dead for ten years. Ten years to do the day, yesterday. I’m sorry.
NEIL: Wow! You went on a date with a dead girl!
KEVIN: Yeah, I’ll never forget you Wendy.
RYAN: Come on Kevin, let’s go home.
''(Wendy is shown sitting inside. The woman enters.)''
WENDY: Is he gone?
WOMAN: He’s gone.
WENDY: Aw, thanks mom.
''(The three are sitting around a computer.)''
KEVIN: Well, I sure hope Plymouth Rock Studios enjoys our romantic comedy webisode.
NEIL: Why wouldn’t they? We’re bloody geniuses!
RYAN: Huh, yeah, I guess.
NEIL: Wait, what is it Ryan?
RYAN: I don’t know, don’t you think we laid the symbolism on a little on this one?
KEVIN: Ryan, if you’re referring to the spontaneously combusting clown…
NEIL: That was a key component to the third act.
RYAN: Uh, yeah, but that in conjunction with the non-linear time structure, I mean…
KEVIN: Ryan, the clown represents my mother.
RYAN: Oh.
KEVIN: Hey! It’s done uploading!
NEIL: I hope they like it.
RYAN: What- what’s the website called again?
NEIL: H-T-T-P-colon-slash-slash-W-W-W-dot
ALL THREE: hollywoodeasttv.com!
''(The three pose, and the credits roll.)''
SINGERS: New kids on the rock. New kids on the rock, rock, rock, rock. New kids on the rock. New kids on the rock.

== Video ==
<youtube>wMN_epM2fkQ</youtube>

=== Credits ===
* '''''Cast'''''
** '''Neil Cicierega:''' ''Self''
** '''Kevin James:''' ''Self''
** '''Ryan Murphy:''' ''Self''
** '''Kristen Hale:''' ''Wendy''
** '''Nancy Cicierega:''' ''Wendy's Mother''
** '''TJ O'Brien:''' ''Scott''
** '''Emmy Cicierega:''' ''Lauren''

* '''''Crew:'''''
** '''Created By:''' ''Neil Cicierega, Kevin James, Ryan Murphy''
** '''Edited By:''' ''Kevin James''
** '''Theme Song By:''' ''Neil Cicierega''

== Trivia ==
Kristen Hale, who plays Wendy, is Kevin's girlfriend in real life.

New Kids on the Rock 1: Pilot

2025-07-17T14:59:29Z

Callowrat: added company

{{Infobox_video
|title = NKOTR: Pilot
|video_Category = Short films
|series = [[New Kids on the Rock]]
|creator = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]]
|company = [[Plymouth Rock Studios]]
|cast = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]], Anthony Sergio, [[Jake Quilty Dunn]]
|crew = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]]
|year = July 21, 2008<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20100123191703/http://www.hollywoodeasttv.com/video/video/show?id=2131296%3AVideo%3A14042</ref>
|screenshot = Thumb-nkotr1.jpg
|duration = 08:28
|lastEpisode =
|thisEpisode = '''Pilot''' (Season 1, Episode 1)
|nextEpisode = [[New Kids on the Rock 2: Romantic Comedy | Romantic Comedy]] (s1, e2)
}}

The studio sends the guys on a treasure hunt.

==Transcript==

''(The title appears, constructed of clay.)''
SINGERS: New kids on the rock! New kids on the rock!
''(Image changes to a statue, and then zooms out to the interior of Ryan’s apartment.)''
RYAN: And so Neil and Kevin and I went down to the studio. And we talked to the guys, who are really cool! And they commissioned us to do a series of webisodes for them! Like… web episodes. It’s a portmanteau. All the kids are saying it! We’re really excited about how things are gonna happen. It looks great for us! So-so, what do you think?
''(Camera shows an image of a terrifying painting, which appears to be of Ryan.)''
RYAN: Why are you always such a stick-in-the-mud? I mean, this is huge for me! I get to do what I love, I’m gonna get paid for it, I’m-
''(There is a beeping sound like the theme song. Ryan pulls up his sleeve to reveal a massive communicator wristwatch.)''
RYAN: (putting on a hat) I’ve gotta go.
''(Scene changes to image of Kevin in a field, talking to a boy with a crutch.)''
KEVIN: I went all the way into division seven. (Charles something) didn’t stand a CHANCE! Things were looking grim, Kyle. The other team was up by five points with 20 seconds left in the game. But me and the boys didn’t break a sweat. All we needed to do was pull off the perfect 32-gut trap. It went a little something… like this!
''(Kevin runs off and acts out his story.)''
KEVIN: Fifty cut across his midline backer and made his away around the safety. Quinn did a cutback across the front line. Then I let out my Hail Mary.
''(Kevin throws the football.)''
KEVIN: Fifty’s been tackled! Looks like I’m the only one left!
''(Kevin starts running.)''
KEVIN: I hop one, two D-men! I’m in the endzone! And…
''(Kevin somehow catches his own throw.)''
KEVIN: The Vikings win the Super Bowl! Thank you, very much!
''(The child claps and cheers.)''
''(The series of communicator beeps is heard again. Kevin pulls out his own giant wrist communicator.)''
KEVIN: Hey Kyle! I’ll be right back! Don’t go anywhere!
''(Kevin runs off as the child waves.)''
''(Scene changes to Neil on his couch, watching Spongebob Squarepants and eating cereal.)''
''(The wrist communicator goes off. Neil simply looks at it, turns it off, and puts it away. This sequence of events occurs a second time. The communicator goes off AGAIN. Finally, neil puts down his cereal, reads the message, sighs, and walks away.)''
''(Kevin and Ryan are standing at Plymouth Rock.)''
KEVIN: Kinda makes you think, doesn’t it? Two thousand years ago, Pilgrims stood at this very spot.
''(Neil walks into frame.)''
NEIL: Hey, guys.
RYAN: Hey.
KEVIN: Hey, How’s it goin’?
RYAN: So… what are we all doing here?
KEVIN: Well, the studio told us to all meet here. They’ve got some sort of message layin’ around for us.
NEIL: Hey, maybe they etched the message into the rock.
RYAN: Hey! Yeah!
''(The camera pans onto a letter taped to the rock.)''
KEVIN: Oh, no wait. There it is. See, it’s taped. Ryan?
''(Ryan pulls out a letter opener and opens the letter.)''
RYAN: “Dear New Kids on the Rock.” Hey! That’s us! “For your first assignment, we would like you to produce a ‘treasure hunt’ themed webisode of your show for us, and have it done soon please. We are counting on you. Love, Plymouth Rock Studios.”
KEVIN: A treasure hunt movie, huh? Seems easy enough!
NEIL: Wait a minute, give me that letter. This… this is in some kind of code.
RYAN: No… it’s in English.
NEIL: No- no. They know we’re smarter than that. This is a clue!
KEVIN: I agree with Neil.
NEIL: Thank you, Kevin. See- see. Look at the envelope. It’s sealed with wax. Wax…
NEIL AND KEVIN: The wax museum!
RYAN: No, that place closed like 20 years ago.
NEIL: Closed… Closed?
ALL THREE: The clothes store!
''(Cut to Kevin standing outside of a store. Neil and Ryan exit.)''
KEVIN: Hey, what’d you guys find?
RYAN: Oh, I got this cool jacket.
NEIL: '(Holding up some buttons)' I found these buttons.
KEVIN: Hmm. Well, I found this note in a coat pocket.
NEIL: Wait… A note. *gasp*
NEIL AND RYAN: The old note factory!
''(Cut to the three walking.)''
NEIL: So this note we found at the note factory said we have to find Squanto.
KEVIN: What the hell is a Squanto?
NEIL: You know, like the Native American? Well, let’s go.
''(Cut to the three standing in front of a statue.)''
NEIL: THIS is Squanto.
KEVIN: Oh, SQUANTO! Oh, okay.
NEIL: Let’s see… Hey Ryan! Do you still have that magnifying glass you found?
RYAN: Indeed!
NEIL: Stop. Um… I think we’ve got to put this in Squanto’s hand. It’s just like National Treasure 2: The Book of Secrets!
''(Neil attempts to put the magnifying glass in Squanto’s hand.)''
NEIL: It’s too tall!
KEVIN: Wait a minute… Neil, give me the glass! I think I’ve got an idea.
''(Kevin has duct taped the magnifying glass to Squanto’s foot.)''
KEVIN: And… voila!
RYAN: Eh. Good enough!
NEIL: Now… we wait.
''(As “Aquarium” plays, light shines through the magnifying glass and forms a beam of light.)''
RYAN: Look! It’s pointing at Plymouth Rock!
''(The three stand at Plymouth Rock.)''
KEVIN: Wait. We were here like 20 minutes ago.
RYAN: BAM-boozeled! We’ve come full circle!
''(Neil stares sadly at the rock.)''
KEVIN: Neil, you’ve just gotta face it. There’s no such thing as treasure.
NEIL: WAIT A MINUTE! Maybe it’s in the secret room hidden underneath Plymouth Rock!
RYAN: Yeah! Let’s take the elevator!
NEIL: There it is!
RYAN: Yeah!
''(A doorway opens in the rock.)''
RYAN: Let’s go in it.
''(There is a dark room underground. The three teleport into the room and turn on flashlights.)''
KEVIN: This must be the place, guys.
NEIL: Wow. This is just like Tomb Raider 2: The Cradle of Life!
RYAN: But where’s the treasure?
NEIL: It’s over there!
''(Camera shows a red chest, and then pans over to show a man dressed as a Pilgrim.)''
JOHN SMITH: Boo! I see you, you would-be thieves! I am John Smith, the last remaining Pilgrim, and I guard the treasure which you seek!
RYAN: Wait, John Smith? Like from Pocahontas?
JOHN SMITH: No! ‘Twas a very common name back then!
KEVIN: Well I don’t believe in no Pilgrims! That treasure’s ours!
''(John Smith produces a sword.)''
JOHN SMITH: One step further, lad, and I’ll cut off your throat!
RYAN: No! Not Kevin’s throat!
NEIL: Hey wait. Pilgrims didn’t have swords.
JOHN SMITH: Oh.
RYAN: Where’d you get the sword?
JOHN SMITH: I… found it. Wait… Where’s my gun… thing…
RYAN: You mean your musket?
JOHN SMITH: Yes. My… musket. It’s… it’s… just…
RYAN: All right, all right. Let’s just retrace your steps. ''(aside)'' Get the treasure. ''(Back to John Smith)'' It’s probably some place really obvious. Like, the last place you’d look.
''(Kevin sneaks over to steal the chest.)''
JOHN SMITH: Well, it’s big… and has kind of a horn on the end…
KEVIN: I got it guys. Let’s go!
RYAN: Well, our work here is done Mr. Smith! Time to go!
JOHN SMITH: Wait… what?
''(The New Kids on the Rock smile, wave, and walk away.)''
JOHN SMITH: Farewell, New Kids on the Rock!
''(The three are now outside. They open the chest.)''
NEIL: It’s our first check from the studio!
KEVIN: Wow.
RYAN: Wow! Fifty thousand dollars!
KEVIN: Yeah. Now THAT’S a treasure! Hey! Let’s go cash this and make our first webisode!
NEIL: Wait a minute! This isn’t a check! It’s a CLUE! Look! Look! The routing number! It follows the Fibonacci Sequence! And the signature! It’s a map!
''(Kevin grabs the check and walks away.)''
KEVIN: I’m going to the bank.
''(Neil and Ryan shrug.)
''(The three are sitting around a computer.)
NEIL: Well, our first webisode is done. Uploading now!
RYAN: You know Kevin, you did a really great job with that crane shot in the first act.
KEVIN: Hey, thanks Ryan! You know, I thought it was a little risky, but Neil’s lighting really helped it out.
NEIL: And Ryan, that was some classic (nee-san-sen?) during the bridge fight sequence!
KEVIN: Hey! It’s done uploading!
NEIL: Hey! I hope they like it.
RYAN: What- what’s the website called again?
NEIL: H-T-T-P-colon-slash-slash-W-W-W-dot
ALL THREE: hollywoodeasttv.com!
''(The three pose, and the credits roll.)''
SINGERS: New kids on the rock. New kids on the rock, rock, rock, rock. New kids on the rock. New kids on the rock.

== Video ==

<youtube>B8ZmhjO7Hzw</youtube>

===Credits===
* '''''Cast:'''''
** '''Neil Cicierega:''' ''Self''
** '''Kevin James:''' ''Self''
** '''Ryan Murphy:''' ''Self''
** '''Anthony Sergio:''' ''Kyle''
** '''Jake Quilty Dunn:''' ''John Smith''

* '''''Crew:'''''
** '''Created By:''' ''Neil Cicierega, Kevin James, Ryan Murphy''
** '''Edited By:''' ''Neil Cicierega''
** '''Theme Song By:''' ''Neil Cicierega''

==Trivia==
* The Vikings have never won a Super Bowl.

New Kids on the Rock 5: The Vigilante

2025-07-17T14:57:05Z

Callowrat: page created

{{Infobox_video
|title = NKOTR: The Vigilante
|video_Category = Short films
|series = [[New Kids on the Rock]]
|creator = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]]
|cast = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]], TJ O'Brien, Steve Madden
|crew = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]], TJ O'Brien
|year = September 15, 2008<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20090207033007/http://www.hollywoodeasttv.com/video/2131296:Video:27883</ref>
|screenshot = nkotr5full.png
|duration = 06:05
|lastEpisode = [[New Kids on the Rock 4: The Curse of Spooky Manor | Pilot]] (s1, e4)
|thisEpisode = '''The Vigilante''' (Season 1, Episode 5) (Season Finale)
|nextEpisode = [[New Kids on the Rock: Ryan's Christmas Wish | Ryan's Christmas Wish]] (Christmas Special)
}}

== Transcription ==
''(The screen shows a field of stars, with text over it.)''
Text: SEVERAL WEEKS AGO IN PLYMOUTH, MASSACHUSETTS A LONE MOVIE STUDIO HIRED THREE OF THE SOUTH SHORE’S FINEST TO MAKE SHORT FILMS. TOGETHER, THEY BECAME A BAND OF MOVIE MAKERS THE LIKES OF WHICH HAVE NEVER BEEN SEEN. NEW KIDS ON THE ROCK.
''(The New Kids are walking outside at night, eating ice cream.)''
Kevin: Mmmm! Boy, that cookie dough sure is good tonight, guys!
Neil: This black raspberry is delicious!
Ryan: Mmmm! And this sherbet’s pretty good, too!
Kevin: Oh Ryan! You’re so weird!
''(Ryan looks at Kevin. Suddenly music starts to play. A person is listening to rap on a boombox. The rap continues to play under some of the dialogue.)''
You say “what,” I say “kill you”
“What” “kill you” “What” “kill you”
You say “who” I say “holies(?)”
“Who” “holies” “Who” “holies”
You say “good” I say “burger”
“Good” “burger” “Good” “burger”
You say “Kenan” I say “Kam”
“Kenan” “Kam” “Kenan” “Kam”
You say “what,” I say “kill you”
“What” “kill you” “What” “kill you”
You say “who” I say “holies(?)”
“Who” “holies” “Who” “holies”
You say “good” I say “burger”
“Good” “burger” “Good” “burger”
You say “Kenan” I say “Kam”
“Kenan” “Kam” “Kenan” “Kam”
You say “what-”
Kevin: Say man, you mind turning that music down?
Neil: Yeah, we’re trying to enjoy our ice cream!
''(The person puts down the boombox and walks towards the New Kids.)
Person: Maybe I wanna keep my music on? And maybe… I want those ice creams. Give ‘em to me.
Neil: No! Not our ice creams!
''(Ryan throws his ice cream over his shoulder and walks over to the person and beats them up. Neil and Kevin drop their ice cream in surprise. Finally Ryan kicks the person into their boombox, which turns off with a record scratch sound.)
Kevin: Wow Ryan, that was great! You should do that more often! God.
''(Kevin and Neil walk off.)
Neil: Did you see that? He iced that mofo!
Kevin: Yeah, tell me about it.
''(Ryan is staring at his hands. The scene changes to inside his house, and he is still staring.)
Neil: Hey Ryan, what’s the matter? You’ve been in your study for hours.
Ryan: I’ve never done anything like that. I’ve never been in a fight in my life. I- I didn’t know I could move like that.
Neil: Ryan, I think it’s time you knew.
''(Neil pulls a book on the shelf, which then moves over to reveal a doorway. They enter the dark hallway beyond.)
Neil: Ryan, you come from a long line of crime-fighters. Rogue vigilantes, who decided to make a difference.
''(Neil motions to clearly edited photos of Ryan. One with a beard and bowler hat, one with an eyepatch and sailor hat, and one with large round glasses and a goatee.)
Neil: Your father, his father before him, and his father’s father. Each of them took a vow,
''(Ryan is now suiting up in Batman-style, including a mask and goggles.)
Neil: To take a stand against the powers of evil. You too can become a symbol of hope for those in peril. You too can become the guardian of the well-being of the people of Plymouth. Yes you, Ryan, can become… the black man.
''(They are back in the passageway.)
Ryan: I’ll work on the name, but generally I like it!
''(Cut to a parking lot at night. A man exits a convenience store and goes to unlock his car. The door is slammed by Ryan, in full gear.)
Ryan: (talking in a guttural voice) I find your parking job a bit misleading. Don’t you?
Man: Excuse me?
Ryan: You’re parked at the dry cleaner’s, wasting a valuable parking space.
''(The camera shows that the dry cleaner’s is closed.)
Ryan: All so that you could go buy some chips. That might be okay where you’re from, but that kind of action won’t fly in my town.
''(Ryan pulls the man over and beats him up.)
''(Kevin is reading a paper with the headline “CRAZED VIGILANTE STRIKES AGAIN.” Neil is eating cereal.)
Kevin: Neil, I think Ryan’s completely lost it.
Neil: Kevin, I think it’s time you knew.
''(Neil opens the passageway again and shows Kevin the three photos.)
Neil: Ryan’s entire bloodline is completely insane. Every damn one of them.
Kevin: My god. Why didn’t you tell Ryan about this?
Neil: Um, I don’t know. I just wanted to see if he’d do it.
''(Ryan is out on the hunt once more. A man jaywalks.)
Ryan: (in the same guttural voice) Jaywalking!
''(He leaps into action and accosts the jaywalker in an alley.)
Ryan: Just who do you think you are?
Person: Hey man, what’s the big idea?
Ryan: You think you’re brave? Think your some kind of tough guy? Think you can just walk around, doing anything you want? We’ll see how brave you are when we take off these sunglasses and hat-
''(The person is revealed to by Kevin.)
Ryan: Ke-ke-ke (normally) Kevin.
Kevin: Don’t you see, Ryan? How crazy it’s all gotten? We’re afraid of you! You and your… twisted version of justice! You’re a horrible fascist. You have to choose now: beat me senseless and uphold your… “law,” or go back to being the Ryan Murphy we’ve all come to know and love?
Ryan: I- I-
''(He takes off the mask and glasses.)
Ryan: I choose to be your friend, Kevin. I- I’m sorry. This all got way out of hand. Let’s- let’s just go home.
''(Neil pops up and holds a rag to Ryan’s face. Ryan passes out.)
Kevin: Good job, Neil.
Neil: Couldn’t have done it without my chloroform!
''(The three are now out in a pristine lake setting. Ryan is fishing. Kevin skips a rock, and Neil simply throws one in.)
Neil: You know guys, these past few weeks have been quite amazing, haven’t they?
Ryan: Indeed, they have. Y’know, we never made a webisode this week.
Neil: Hmm.
Kevin: Yeah, but none of that matters now.
Ryan: Because we get paid up-front?
Kevin: Because there’ll be more webisodes to come. More stories.
Neil: More adventures.
Ryan: More movies.
Kevin: Think they’ll know where to look for them?
Neil: Oh, I think they’ll know where.
''(“Hollywoodeasttv.com” is emblazoned on the sky, next to the moon. A comet shines across the screen, collides with the moon, and explodes.)
Ryan: Ooh.
''(Credits roll.)
New Kids on the Rock
New Kids on the Rock, Rock, Rock, Rock,
New Kids on the Rock
New Kids on the Rock

== Video ==

<youtube>FXEPD75Y2P8</youtube>

=== Credits ===
* '''''Cast'''''
** '''Neil Cicierega:''' ''Self''
** '''Kevin James:''' ''Self''
** '''Ryan Murphy:''' ''Self''
** '''TJ O'Brien:''' ''The Innocent Man''
** '''Steve Madden:''' ''The Thug''

* '''''Crew:'''''
** '''Created By:''' ''Neil Cicierega, Kevin James, Ryan Murphy''
** '''Grip:''' ''TJ O'Brien''
** '''Edited By:''' ''Kevin James''
** '''Original Music By:''' ''Neil Cicierega''

== Trivia ==

New Kids on the Rock 4: The Curse of Spooky Manor

2025-07-17T14:37:03Z

Callowrat: episode description

{{Infobox_video
|title = NKOTR: The Curse of Spooky Manor
|video_Category = Short films
|series = [[New Kids on the Rock]]
|creator = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]]
|cast = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]], Dave Pollick
|crew = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]]
|year = September 2, 2008<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20090412152553/http://www.hollywoodeasttv.com/video/2131296:Video:25270</ref>
|screenshot = nkotr4full.png
|duration = 08:09
|lastEpisode = [[New Kids on the Rock 3: Bully Troubles | Bully Troubles]] (s1, e3)
|thisEpisode = '''The Curse of Spooky Manor''' (Season 1, Episode 4)
|nextEpisode = [[New Kids on the Rock 5: The Vigilante | The Vigilante]] (s1, e5)
}}

Our heroes go on their spookiest adventure yet...

== Transcript ==
''(The usual intro is replaced with spooky green text and the music only utilizes a single singer.)''
Singer: Neeeewwww Kiiiidsss Ooooonnn Theeeeee Roooooock! Mya-ha-ha-ha-ha!
''(The New Kids are playing with an Ouija board. Kevin is writing down the message)''
Neil and Ryan: D… I…. O… S.
Neil: What does that spell, Kevin?
Kevin: Hey! It’s a message from the studio, guys!
Ryan: Golly!
Kevin: Dear New Kids on the Rock.
''(He indicates that they are the New Kids on the Rock.)''
Kevin: Great job on your dystopian cyberpunk webisode! Unfortunately, we cannot give you your paycheck however, due to a minor stipulation in your contract, until you have spent one night in… Spooky Manor?
''(Lightning flashes.)''
Ryan: Golly!
Kevin: Sincerely, Plymouth Rock Studios. I don’t like the sound of this one bit, guys.
Neil: Me neither. I mean, you know what they say about Spooky Manor, right guys?
Ryan: No. What do they say?
''(Neil walks to a window with a ridiculously overdone “Spooky Manor” visible outside.)''
Neil: They say… it’s haunted!
Kevin: Horsefeathers. Neil, I thought you were a man of science.
Neil: Science? There’s no SCIENCE where we’re going tonight, my friends. Only blood-curdling horrors from beyond. Ryan, do you have your toothbrush?
Ryan: (Holding up three toothbrushes) I have all our toothbrushes.
Neil: Good. Let’s go!
''(The three are cheerfully walking up a hill with sleeping bags, presumably towards Spooky Manor.)''
Kevin: You know, this is actually pretty exciting. I really like sleepovers.
Neil: Yeah, I’m actually not scared at all.
Ryan: Nothing could possibly deter us!
Cooper: Fools! Naive children!
Neil: It’s Old Man Cooper, the groundskeeper!
Kevin: Hey mister! What’s the big idea?
Cooper: There ain’t but one thing you’re gonna find in that HORRIBLE old house, and that’s DOOM with a capital “OOM.” Take it from me, Old Man Cooper, an innocent old groundskeeper with no particular vested interest in that HORRIBLE house!
''(The New Kids pause for a moment, and walk away.)''
Ryan: I guess he just really cares.
Kevin: Eh, he’s just bustin’ our chops. It’s an old man thing.
Neil: Yeah, to hell with him! Let’s just forget about his existence entirely.
''(They enter the house.)''
Neil: This must be the place.
Ryan: Golly!
Neil: Spooky Manor, the spookiest manor in Plymouth County.
Kevin: Spooky Manor! I’ve eaten spookier manors than this for breakfast. In my sleep. C’mon guys! Let’s go.
Neil: *gulp*
''(A painting of a covered bridge opens two small holes and eyes peek through.)''
''(The sleepover has begun.)''
Neil: I dunno, just something about this place gives me the creeps.
Kevin: Are you sure it’s not just Ryan?
''(Ryan grins creepily.)''
Neil: No, something far more sinister lurks in this house, Kevin.
Ryan: Maybe it’s… a ghost?!
Neil: Yeah, I’m guessing it’s either a ghost, or Count Dracula.
Kevin: Relax Neil, there’s no such thing as counts.
''(A grandfather clock chimes ominously.)''
Kevin: Well, it’s time for bed, guys! Let’s hit the hay.
Ryan: Yeah. I’m gonna sleep like a giant baby tonight.
Neil: Hey, maybe one of us should like, stand guard while the others sleep. Y’know, we could do it in shifts.
Kevin: That’s a great idea. You go first.
Ryan: (throwing Neil a flashlight) Sleep tight!
''(Neil goes exploring up to the second floor. He walks across a creaky floor, almost knocks over a lamp, and is startled by a creepy music box.)''
Neil: Whew. Just a creepy old music box.
''(Neil turns to see a man in a black robe and skeleton mask behind him. As Neil gasps, the camera moves to Kevin sleeping, downstairs.)''
Neil: (offscreen) AAAAAAHHHHHH!
''(Ryan awakens.)''
Neil: AAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
Ryan: Kevin! Kevin, wake up!
Kevin: Mmmm. What is it?
Ryan: Wait, wait…
Neil: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
Ryan: What’s that noise?
Kevin: It’s probably just the wind or something. Go back to sleep.
Ryan: No, I think it’s Neil screaming.
Neil: AAAAAHHHH! AHHHHHHHH! AAAAAAAAHHHHH!
Kevin: Oh yeah, it does kinda sound like that, doesn’t it?
Ryan: We should help him.
Kevin: *snores*
Ryan: WE SHOULD HELP HIM.
Kevin: All right. All right.
Neil: AAAAAAHHH! AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!
''(They walk into the room where Neil was last seen.)''
Kevin: (whispering) Neil! Where is he?
Ryan: Hey, there he is!
''(Neil is is a fetal position, holding his flashlight like a weapon.)''
Ryan: Hey Neil!
Neil: Ah!
Kevin and Ryan: Ah!
Neil: AHH!
Kevin and Ryan: AHH!
Neil: AAAHH!
Kevin and Ryan: AAAHH!
Neil: …Oh hey!
Ryan: What’s wrong, Neil?
Neil: I saw… a- a GHOUL!
Kevin: Okay, come on now, Neil. A ghoul?
Neil: What, what, waddaya want, proof?
Kevin: No, it’s all just a little bit-
Neil: (with cellphone) ‘Cause I took a picture.
Kevin: Oh wow.
Ryan: That’s a ghoul all right.
Neil: See? See, there was this ghoul, and he sneered right at me. And he spooked me.
Ryan: Golly!
''(Kevin stands up next to a ceramic fish.)''
Kevin: I don’t know, guys. There’s something mighty fishy about all this. Maybe it’s time we… investigate?
Ryan: Yeah!
Neil: YEEAAAAH!
''(They are exploring the house.)''
Kevin: I think we’d better split up.
Ryan: I agree with Kevin.
Kevin: Thank you, Ryan. I’m gonna head down this way.
''(Kevin leaves.)''
Ryan: Let’s not split up. Kevin is filled with terrible ideas.
Neil: Okay Ryan.
Ryan: Let’s go this way (Kevin is in the basement.)''
Kevin: A-ha!
''(He runs over to a dufflebag and takes out some money. He smells it.)''
Kevin: Counterfeit money. And what’s that?
''(He pulls some CDs out of a backpack.)''
Kevin: Pirated software. The plot thickens.
''(He runs over to a wall of gardening tools.)''
Kevin: Gardening tools. And a wallet, belonging to Old Man Cooper! Hmm… WAIT A MINUTE!
''(Neil and Ryan are walking down a hallway.)''
Ryan: So you’re sure that you saw a ghoul, Neil?
Neil: I swear on your grave, Ryan. I saw a ghoul.
Ryan: No, I believe you, but I don’t know, I’m starting to develop pretty atheistic views about the possibility of the existence of, y’know, supernatural beeeiiiii-AHHH!
''(Neil and Ryan both scream as the camera pans to show the ghoul is in front of them.)''
Ghoul: Leave this place at once, New Kids on the Rock! Or else!
Neil: What-whatever you say, Mr. Ghoul!
Ghoul: NOOWWWWW!
''(Kevin enters with a backhoe.)''
Kevin: They ain’t goin’ anyweah!
''(He throws the hoe. Although the ghoul catches it, he still falls backward, incapacitated.)''
Ghoul: Oh no!
Ryan: Kevin!
Neil: You’re alive!
Ryan: And you saved us!
Kevin: With a little investigating, I managed to find some counterfeit money and gardening tools in the basement. Looks like the show’s over for Mr. Ghoul here, or should I say, Old Man Coo-
''(As Kevin removes the ghoul’s mask, tentacles spew forth. They all scream. The tentacles remove Kevin’s eyes.)''
Kevin: MY EYES!
''(They continue to scream, and Neil and Ryan run away and escape. Kevin tries to run away, but hits a wall.)''
''(Neil and Ryan are now sitting in a cemetery with a small jar.)''
Neil: Well, I’m sure glad we got the paycheck!
Ryan: Yeah! And we only have to split it two ways!
Neil: AND our dystopian cyberpunk webisode was a smash hit!
Ryan: What do you think about it, Kevin?
''(The camera shows the jar, which has a picture labeled “prestige” on the front.)''
Ryan: Wait, Kevin can’t talk. He’s dead.
Neil: Oh. Poor Kevin.
Ryan: So where do you suppose he went? To Heaven or to Hell?
Neil: Oh, neither.
Ryan: Well then, where did he go?
Neil: H-T-T-P-:-/-/-W-W-W-DOT
Neil and Ryan: HOLLYWOODEASTTV.COM!
''(The URL appears on the screen. The credits roll. At the end, as a post-credits scene, it shows the Kevin jar.)''
Kevin: (muffled) I’m dead!

== Video ==

<youtube>pYJMtA5NlCU</youtube>

=== Credits ===
* '''''Cast'''''
** '''Neil Cicierega:''' ''Self''
** '''Kevin James:''' ''Self''
** '''Ryan Murphy:''' ''Self''
** '''Dave Pollick:''' ''Old Man Cooper''

* '''''Crew:'''''
** '''Created By:''' ''Neil Cicierega, Kevin James, Ryan Murphy''
** '''Original Score By:''' ''Neil Cicierega''

== Trivia ==

New Kids on the Rock 4: The Curse of Spooky Manor

2025-07-17T14:32:52Z

Callowrat: page created

{{Infobox_video
|title = NKOTR: The Curse of Spooky Manor
|video_Category = Short films
|series = [[New Kids on the Rock]]
|creator = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]]
|cast = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]], Dave Pollick
|crew = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]]
|year = September 2, 2008<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20090412152553/http://www.hollywoodeasttv.com/video/2131296:Video:25270</ref>
|screenshot = nkotr4full.png
|duration = 08:09
|lastEpisode = [[New Kids on the Rock 3: Bully Troubles | Bully Troubles]] (s1, e3)
|thisEpisode = '''The Curse of Spooky Manor''' (Season 1, Episode 4)
|nextEpisode = [[New Kids on the Rock 5: The Vigilante | The Vigilante]] (s1, e5)
}}

== Transcript ==
''(The usual intro is replaced with spooky green text and the music only utilizes a single singer.)''
Singer: Neeeewwww Kiiiidsss Ooooonnn Theeeeee Roooooock! Mya-ha-ha-ha-ha!
''(The New Kids are playing with an Ouija board. Kevin is writing down the message)''
Neil and Ryan: D… I…. O… S.
Neil: What does that spell, Kevin?
Kevin: Hey! It’s a message from the studio, guys!
Ryan: Golly!
Kevin: Dear New Kids on the Rock.
''(He indicates that they are the New Kids on the Rock.)''
Kevin: Great job on your dystopian cyberpunk webisode! Unfortunately, we cannot give you your paycheck however, due to a minor stipulation in your contract, until you have spent one night in… Spooky Manor?
''(Lightning flashes.)''
Ryan: Golly!
Kevin: Sincerely, Plymouth Rock Studios. I don’t like the sound of this one bit, guys.
Neil: Me neither. I mean, you know what they say about Spooky Manor, right guys?
Ryan: No. What do they say?
''(Neil walks to a window with a ridiculously overdone “Spooky Manor” visible outside.)''
Neil: They say… it’s haunted!
Kevin: Horsefeathers. Neil, I thought you were a man of science.
Neil: Science? There’s no SCIENCE where we’re going tonight, my friends. Only blood-curdling horrors from beyond. Ryan, do you have your toothbrush?
Ryan: (Holding up three toothbrushes) I have all our toothbrushes.
Neil: Good. Let’s go!
''(The three are cheerfully walking up a hill with sleeping bags, presumably towards Spooky Manor.)''
Kevin: You know, this is actually pretty exciting. I really like sleepovers.
Neil: Yeah, I’m actually not scared at all.
Ryan: Nothing could possibly deter us!
Cooper: Fools! Naive children!
Neil: It’s Old Man Cooper, the groundskeeper!
Kevin: Hey mister! What’s the big idea?
Cooper: There ain’t but one thing you’re gonna find in that HORRIBLE old house, and that’s DOOM with a capital “OOM.” Take it from me, Old Man Cooper, an innocent old groundskeeper with no particular vested interest in that HORRIBLE house!
''(The New Kids pause for a moment, and walk away.)''
Ryan: I guess he just really cares.
Kevin: Eh, he’s just bustin’ our chops. It’s an old man thing.
Neil: Yeah, to hell with him! Let’s just forget about his existence entirely.
''(They enter the house.)''
Neil: This must be the place.
Ryan: Golly!
Neil: Spooky Manor, the spookiest manor in Plymouth County.
Kevin: Spooky Manor! I’ve eaten spookier manors than this for breakfast. In my sleep. C’mon guys! Let’s go.
Neil: *gulp*
''(A painting of a covered bridge opens two small holes and eyes peek through.)''
''(The sleepover has begun.)''
Neil: I dunno, just something about this place gives me the creeps.
Kevin: Are you sure it’s not just Ryan?
''(Ryan grins creepily.)''
Neil: No, something far more sinister lurks in this house, Kevin.
Ryan: Maybe it’s… a ghost?!
Neil: Yeah, I’m guessing it’s either a ghost, or Count Dracula.
Kevin: Relax Neil, there’s no such thing as counts.
''(A grandfather clock chimes ominously.)''
Kevin: Well, it’s time for bed, guys! Let’s hit the hay.
Ryan: Yeah. I’m gonna sleep like a giant baby tonight.
Neil: Hey, maybe one of us should like, stand guard while the others sleep. Y’know, we could do it in shifts.
Kevin: That’s a great idea. You go first.
Ryan: (throwing Neil a flashlight) Sleep tight!
''(Neil goes exploring up to the second floor. He walks across a creaky floor, almost knocks over a lamp, and is startled by a creepy music box.)''
Neil: Whew. Just a creepy old music box.
''(Neil turns to see a man in a black robe and skeleton mask behind him. As Neil gasps, the camera moves to Kevin sleeping, downstairs.)''
Neil: (offscreen) AAAAAAHHHHHH!
''(Ryan awakens.)''
Neil: AAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
Ryan: Kevin! Kevin, wake up!
Kevin: Mmmm. What is it?
Ryan: Wait, wait…
Neil: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
Ryan: What’s that noise?
Kevin: It’s probably just the wind or something. Go back to sleep.
Ryan: No, I think it’s Neil screaming.
Neil: AAAAAHHHH! AHHHHHHHH! AAAAAAAAHHHHH!
Kevin: Oh yeah, it does kinda sound like that, doesn’t it?
Ryan: We should help him.
Kevin: *snores*
Ryan: WE SHOULD HELP HIM.
Kevin: All right. All right.
Neil: AAAAAAHHH! AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!
''(They walk into the room where Neil was last seen.)''
Kevin: (whispering) Neil! Where is he?
Ryan: Hey, there he is!
''(Neil is is a fetal position, holding his flashlight like a weapon.)''
Ryan: Hey Neil!
Neil: Ah!
Kevin and Ryan: Ah!
Neil: AHH!
Kevin and Ryan: AHH!
Neil: AAAHH!
Kevin and Ryan: AAAHH!
Neil: …Oh hey!
Ryan: What’s wrong, Neil?
Neil: I saw… a- a GHOUL!
Kevin: Okay, come on now, Neil. A ghoul?
Neil: What, what, waddaya want, proof?
Kevin: No, it’s all just a little bit-
Neil: (with cellphone) ‘Cause I took a picture.
Kevin: Oh wow.
Ryan: That’s a ghoul all right.
Neil: See? See, there was this ghoul, and he sneered right at me. And he spooked me.
Ryan: Golly!
''(Kevin stands up next to a ceramic fish.)''
Kevin: I don’t know, guys. There’s something mighty fishy about all this. Maybe it’s time we… investigate?
Ryan: Yeah!
Neil: YEEAAAAH!
''(They are exploring the house.)''
Kevin: I think we’d better split up.
Ryan: I agree with Kevin.
Kevin: Thank you, Ryan. I’m gonna head down this way.
''(Kevin leaves.)''
Ryan: Let’s not split up. Kevin is filled with terrible ideas.
Neil: Okay Ryan.
Ryan: Let’s go this way (Kevin is in the basement.)''
Kevin: A-ha!
''(He runs over to a dufflebag and takes out some money. He smells it.)''
Kevin: Counterfeit money. And what’s that?
''(He pulls some CDs out of a backpack.)''
Kevin: Pirated software. The plot thickens.
''(He runs over to a wall of gardening tools.)''
Kevin: Gardening tools. And a wallet, belonging to Old Man Cooper! Hmm… WAIT A MINUTE!
''(Neil and Ryan are walking down a hallway.)''
Ryan: So you’re sure that you saw a ghoul, Neil?
Neil: I swear on your grave, Ryan. I saw a ghoul.
Ryan: No, I believe you, but I don’t know, I’m starting to develop pretty atheistic views about the possibility of the existence of, y’know, supernatural beeeiiiii-AHHH!
''(Neil and Ryan both scream as the camera pans to show the ghoul is in front of them.)''
Ghoul: Leave this place at once, New Kids on the Rock! Or else!
Neil: What-whatever you say, Mr. Ghoul!
Ghoul: NOOWWWWW!
''(Kevin enters with a backhoe.)''
Kevin: They ain’t goin’ anyweah!
''(He throws the hoe. Although the ghoul catches it, he still falls backward, incapacitated.)''
Ghoul: Oh no!
Ryan: Kevin!
Neil: You’re alive!
Ryan: And you saved us!
Kevin: With a little investigating, I managed to find some counterfeit money and gardening tools in the basement. Looks like the show’s over for Mr. Ghoul here, or should I say, Old Man Coo-
''(As Kevin removes the ghoul’s mask, tentacles spew forth. They all scream. The tentacles remove Kevin’s eyes.)''
Kevin: MY EYES!
''(They continue to scream, and Neil and Ryan run away and escape. Kevin tries to run away, but hits a wall.)''
''(Neil and Ryan are now sitting in a cemetery with a small jar.)''
Neil: Well, I’m sure glad we got the paycheck!
Ryan: Yeah! And we only have to split it two ways!
Neil: AND our dystopian cyberpunk webisode was a smash hit!
Ryan: What do you think about it, Kevin?
''(The camera shows the jar, which has a picture labeled “prestige” on the front.)''
Ryan: Wait, Kevin can’t talk. He’s dead.
Neil: Oh. Poor Kevin.
Ryan: So where do you suppose he went? To Heaven or to Hell?
Neil: Oh, neither.
Ryan: Well then, where did he go?
Neil: H-T-T-P-:-/-/-W-W-W-DOT
Neil and Ryan: HOLLYWOODEASTTV.COM!
''(The URL appears on the screen. The credits roll. At the end, as a post-credits scene, it shows the Kevin jar.)''
Kevin: (muffled) I’m dead!

== Video ==

<youtube>pYJMtA5NlCU</youtube>

=== Credits ===
* '''''Cast'''''
** '''Neil Cicierega:''' ''Self''
** '''Kevin James:''' ''Self''
** '''Ryan Murphy:''' ''Self''
** '''Dave Pollick:''' ''Old Man Cooper''

* '''''Crew:'''''
** '''Created By:''' ''Neil Cicierega, Kevin James, Ryan Murphy''
** '''Original Score By:''' ''Neil Cicierega''

== Trivia ==

New Kids on the Rock 3: Bully Troubles

2025-07-17T14:15:26Z

Callowrat:

{{Infobox_video
|title = NKOTR: Bully Troubles
|video_Category = Short films
|series = [[New Kids on the Rock]]
|creator = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]]
|cast = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]], Max Pacheco, [[Ben Cicierega]], Steve Bailey
|crew = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]]
|year = August 18, 2008<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20100326014611/http://www.hollywoodeasttv.com/video/video/show?id=2131296:Video:22460</ref>
|screenshot = nkotr3full.png
|duration = 06:36
|lastEpisode = [[New Kids on the Rock 2: Romantic Comedy | Romantic Comedy]] (s1, e2)
|thisEpisode = '''Bully Troubles''' (Season 1, Episode 3)
|nextEpisode = [[New Kids on the Rock 4: The Curse of Spooky Manor | The Curse of Spooky Manor]] (s1, e4)
}}

The guys are terrorized by a high school bully.

== Transcript ==
''(The title appears over a school while a bell rings.)''
''(Neil, Ryan and Kevin start to cross a street)''
Ryan: So according to this ancient stone tablet we got from the studio, we’ve got to make ourselves a psychological thriller webisode.
Neil: Oh that should be fun.
Kevin: Hey guys lets cut the film talk for 10 seconds, we’re going to be late to class.
Ryan and Neil: Oh yeah.
Neil: Hey wait a minute, we’re-we’re 21, we don’t go to high school, anymore.
Kevin: Oh.
Ryan: Let’s get out of here.
''(They turn around and leave.)''
''(Max has Ben pinned to a wall.)''
Max: Your money or your teeth, kid.
''(Neil, Ryan and Kevin walk by.)''
Kevin: Hey, what are you guys up to?
Max: What did you say?
Neil: It’s Max! No-nothing Max. We didn’t know it was you.
Max: What do you fart faces want? You looking for a knuckle sandPUNCH?
Ben: They aren’t fart faces, they’re the New Kids on the Rock, and they won’t let you get away with this!
Kevin (whispering): Shut up.
Max: New Kids on the Rock huh? More like News Kids… that… suck! Heh, oh that’s great I got to write that one down. (He pulls out a notebook) Let’s see here, newwwwwww, k, kid…
''(Neil, Ryan and Kevin run away, quickly followed by Ben.)''
Max: Oh I’ll get you, you new kids, that suck.
''(Kevin is doing repairs to his car.)''
Kevin: Fixin’ my car, fixin’ my truck, fixin’ her good, fixin’ her up… What the- Hey!
''(Max has pinned Kevin against his car.)''
Kevin: Max! Funny, seeing you here! In my… house…
Max: Heh. Kevin James. More like… Kevin LAMES!
Kevin: No! Not Kevin Lames! That’s mean!
''(Max gives Kevin a huge wedgie. Kevin screams.)''
''(Neil is playing with his Ron and Harry puppets.)''
Neil: (talking through Harry) and that’s why people with red hair can never learn to love, Ron. (talking through Ron) But what about all of these mixed up feeling I feel inside, Harry? (Speaking through Harry) The only thing YOU can feel inside is… (Neil pauses to look at the puppets) The only thing you can f- (Neil stops talking with the puppets) What is- what the heck? Some kind of strange powder, and it itches.
''(Shot of Max holding a container labeled “ITCHING POWDER” and laughing.)''
''(Max is pouring glue into Ryan’s shoes. Ryan rolls out of bed and shuffles over to put his shoes on. Max hits him repeatedly with a baseball bat.)''
''(The three New Kids on the Rock are sitting together. Neil is wearing heavy rubber gloves, Kevin is sitting as though in pain, and Ryan is beat up and not wearing shoes.)''
Kevin: God, Max has been bullying us all for years!
Neil: Well of course he has! He’s the biggest, meanest, scariest guy in town!
Ryan: I know! We’re helpless!
Kevin: Wait! That’s it!
Ryan: What? What’s it?
Kevin: Don’t you guys see it? WE’RE helpless, alone. But what about… together?
Neil: That’s right! With our
''(The three move their hands together and a light shines.)''
All three: COMBINED EFFORTS
Neil: It could be enough to finally teach that bully a lesson!
Ryan: We’re going to have to come up with a plan.
Kevin: I know what we could do. Max thinks he’s soooo cool with that car he’s got, right?
Neil: Mmm-hmm.
Kevin: We’ll just head down and grab a potato, and stick it in his car’s exhaust pipe. That way the whole thing reeks like a potato when he turns it over.
Neil: Hahahahaha, Oh his face’ll be so red!
Ryan: Yeah! (taking out a baggie of hair) And then we can sneak into his house late at night, and I’ll take a little pair of tweezers and we’ll pry his mouth open, and we’ll fill it with all these little hairballs that I’ve been collecting from combs and things of women over the last eight months!
Kevin: …OR we could do the potato thing I just said.
Neil: (standing up) We shall find the greatest potato in the town! Let’s put this plan into action.
''(Max is shooting crows with a slingshot next to his car.)''
Max: Heheheh. Stupid bird.
''(Steve runs up to Max.)''
Steve: Hey mister? Mister, could you help me find my dog, please? I lost him all the way over there, and he’s been gone for almost a day now. Could- could you please help me find him?
Max: Sure, I’ll help you find your puppy.
Steve: Thanks, mister!
Max: With a KNUCKLE SANDWICH! With my FIST! IN YOUR FACE!
''(Steve runs away as Max laughs.)''
Max: (kisses fist) Ah.
''(He pulls out his notebook and adds another tally mark for “crying kids.”)''
Max: Heh. I’m gonna put this one on the fridge.
''(The New Kids are watching over a pile of rocks.)''
Kevin: All right guys, everyone remember their positions?
Ryan: I- I really don’t like this plan.
Neil: It’s okay, Ryan. It’s not your fault.
Kevin: All right, let’s put this plan into action. Come on.
''(Max is admiring his notebook.)''
Ryan: Hey there, Sonny!
''(Ryan is wearing a ridiculous vaudeville-style outfit and holding several LPs, the top of which shows a drawing of a banana.)''
Ryan: You seem like the kind of fella who’s KEEN on MUSIC!
''(Neil and Kevin are placing the potato in Max’s exhaust pipe.)''
Ryan: I’m selling these RECORDS to try and get money for my VAUDEVILLE troupe! We’ve got all KINDS of music! Why, say there! Do- do you kids like the jaa-
''(Max starts strangling Ryan.)''
Ryan: As a matter of fact, you can just take some of them! or.. all of them! I don’t know… eh?
Max: Hey. Didn’t I already beat you up today?
Ryan: Yeah! And it doesn’t count if it’s twice in the same day, y’know?
''(Ryan runs off.)''
Max: Oh yeah. Hey, what?
''(The three New Kids are now grouped together in safety behind the rock pile.)''
Ryan: Did it work?
Kevin: We’re gonna find out!
Ryan: Let’s go take a look!
Max: Ehh, I’ll get him twice tomorrow.
''(He gets in the car and turns it on. The car violently explodes.)''
Neil: Wha-? Whaah! (He catches a shoe) Oh my god!
Kevin: I can’t believe that just happened.
Ryan: Well, that’s that!
Neil: Waddaya mean, “that’s that?” We just- we just killed a man! I mean-
''(Kevin picks up the potato.)''
Ryan: I know. We didn’t even get our webisode done yet this week!
Neil: Who cares about the webisode?! I mean, is there gonna be a funeral? I mean-
Kevin: You want a baked potato?
Neil: (throwing it to the ground) Oh my god, that’s the death potato!
''(The three are now on a playground slide.)''
Kevin: I’m sure glad everything turned out okay in the end.
Ryan: Yeah, we got our psychological thriller webisode done in record time.
Neil: Yeah. Y’know, I think this is our best one yet.
Kevin: Yeah, Ryan, that Scorsese you pulled in the dream sequence? Fantastic!
Ryan: Hey, thanks man! And Neil, I really like the way you completely redefined film as an art form.
Neil: Hey, it’s-it’s what I do!
Kevin: Hey! It’s done uploading!
Neil: I hope they like it!
Ryan: What is this website called again?
Neil: H-T-T-P-:-/-/-W-W-W-dot
''(They slide down the slide as the URL follows them.)''
All three: Hollywoodeasttv.com!
''(Credits play, with usual credits theme.)''

== Video ==

<youtube>9JTLIImGUK8</youtube>

=== Credits ===
* '''''Cast'''''
** '''Neil Cicierega:''' ''Self''
** '''Kevin James:''' ''Self''
** '''Ryan Murphy:''' ''Self''
** '''Max Pacheco:''' ''Self''
** '''Ben Cicierega:''' ''Kid 1''
** '''Steve Bailey:''' ''Kid 2''

* '''''Crew:'''''
** '''Created By:''' ''Neil Cicierega, Kevin James, Ryan Murphy''
** '''Theme Song By:''' ''Neil Cicierega''

== Trivia ==

New Kids on the Rock 3: Bully Troubles

2025-07-17T14:13:21Z

Callowrat: page created

{{Infobox_video
|title = NKOTR: Bully Troubles
|video_Category = Short films
|series = [[New Kids on the Rock]]
|creator = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]]
|cast = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]], Max Pacheco, [[Ben Cicierega]], Steve Bailey
|crew = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]]
|year = August 18, 2008<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20100326014611/http://www.hollywoodeasttv.com/video/video/show?id=2131296:Video:22460</ref>
|screenshot = nkotr3full.png
|duration = 06:36
|lastEpisode = [[New Kids on the Rock 2: Romantic Comedy | Romantic Comedy]] (s1, e2)
|thisEpisode = '''Bully Troubles''' (Season 1, Episode 3)
|nextEpisode = [[New Kids on the Rock 4: The Curse of Spooky Manor | The Curse of Spooky Manor]] (s1, e4)
}}

The guys are terrorized by a high school bully.

== Transcript ==
''(The title appears over a school while a bell rings.)''
''(Neil, Ryan and Kevin start to cross a street)''
Ryan: So according to this ancient stone tablet we got from the studio, we’ve got to make ourselves a psychological thriller webisode.
Neil: Oh that should be fun.
Kevin: Hey guys lets cut the film talk for 10 seconds, we’re going to be late to class.
Ryan and Neil: Oh yeah.
Neil: Hey wait a minute, we’re-we’re 21, we don’t go to high school, anymore.
Kevin: Oh.
Ryan: Let’s get out of here.
''(They turn around and leave.)''
''(Max has Ben pinned to a wall.)''
Max: Your money or your teeth, kid.
''(Neil, Ryan and Kevin walk by.)''
Kevin: Hey, what are you guys up to?
Max: What did you say?
Neil: It’s Max! No-nothing Max. We didn’t know it was you.
Max: What do you fart faces want? You looking for a knuckle sandPUNCH?
Ben: They aren’t fart faces, they’re the New Kids on the Rock, and they won’t let you get away with this!
Kevin (whispering): Shut up.
Max: New Kids on the Rock huh? More like News Kids… that… suck! Heh, oh that’s great I got to write that one down. (He pulls out a notebook) Let’s see here, newwwwwww, k, kid…
''(Neil, Ryan and Kevin run away, quickly followed by Ben.)''
Max: Oh I’ll get you, you new kids, that suck.
''(Kevin is doing repairs to his car.)''
Kevin: Fixin’ my car, fixin’ my truck, fixin’ her good, fixin’ her up… What the- Hey!
''(Max has pinned Kevin against his car.)''
Kevin: Max! Funny, seeing you here! In my… house…
Max: Heh. Kevin James. More like… Kevin LAMES!
Kevin: No! Not Kevin Lames! That’s mean!
''(Max gives Kevin a huge wedgie. Kevin screams.)''
''(Neil is playing with his Ron and Harry puppets.)''
Neil: (talking through Harry) and that’s why people with red hair can never learn to love, Ron. (talking through Ron) But what about all of these mixed up feeling I feel inside, Harry? (Speaking through Harry) The only thing YOU can feel inside is… (Neil pauses to look at the puppets) The only thing you can f- (Neil stops talking with the puppets) What is- what the heck? Some kind of strange powder, and it itches.
''(Shot of Max holding a container labeled “ITCHING POWDER” and laughing.)''
''(Max is pouring glue into Ryan’s shoes. Ryan rolls out of bed and shuffles over to put his shoes on. Max hits him repeatedly with a baseball bat.)''
''(The three New Kids on the Rock are sitting together. Neil is wearing heavy rubber gloves, Kevin is sitting as though in pain, and Ryan is beat up and not wearing shoes.)''
Kevin: God, Max has been bullying us all for years!
Neil: Well of course he has! He’s the biggest, meanest, scariest guy in town!
Ryan: I know! We’re helpless!
Kevin: Wait! That’s it!
Ryan: What? What’s it?
Kevin: Don’t you guys see it? WE’RE helpless, alone. But what about… together?
Neil: That’s right! With our
''(The three move their hands together and a light shines.)''
All three: COMBINED EFFORTS
Neil: It could be enough to finally teach that bully a lesson!
Ryan: We’re going to have to come up with a plan.
Kevin: I know what we could do. Max thinks he’s soooo cool with that car he’s got, right?
Neil: Mmm-hmm.
Kevin: We’ll just head down and grab a potato, and stick it in his car’s exhaust pipe. That way the whole thing reeks like a potato when he turns it over.
Neil: Hahahahaha, Oh his face’ll be so red!
Ryan: Yeah! (taking out a baggie of hair) And then we can sneak into his house late at night, and I’ll take a little pair of tweezers and we’ll pry his mouth open, and we’ll fill it with all these little hairballs that I’ve been collecting from combs and things of women over the last eight months!
Kevin: …OR we could do the potato thing I just said.
Neil: (standing up) We shall find the greatest potato in the town! Let’s put this plan into action.
''(Max is shooting crows with a slingshot next to his car.)''
Max: Heheheh. Stupid bird.
''(Steve runs up to Max.)''
Steve: Hey mister? Mister, could you help me find my dog, please? I lost him all the way over there, and he’s been gone for almost a day now. Could- could you please help me find him?
Max: Sure, I’ll help you find your puppy.
Steve: Thanks, mister!
Max: With a KNUCKLE SANDWICH! With my FIST! IN YOUR FACE!
''(Steve runs away as Max laughs.)''
Max: (kisses fist) Ah.
''(He pulls out his notebook and adds another tally mark for “crying kids.”)''
Max: Heh. I’m gonna put this one on the fridge.
''(The New Kids are watching over a pile of rocks.)''
Kevin: All right guys, everyone remember their positions?
Ryan: I- I really don’t like this plan.
Neil: It’s okay, Ryan. It’s not your fault.
Kevin: All right, let’s put this plan into action. Come on.
''(Max is admiring his notebook.)''
Ryan: Hey there, Sonny!
''(Ryan is wearing a ridiculous vaudeville-style outfit and holding several LPs, the top of which shows a drawing of a banana.)''
Ryan: You seem like the kind of fella who’s KEEN on MUSIC!
''(Neil and Kevin are placing the potato in Max’s exhaust pipe.)''
Ryan: I’m selling these RECORDS to try and get money for my VAUDEVILLE troupe! We’ve got all KINDS of music! Why, say there! Do- do you kids like the jaa-
''(Max starts strangling Ryan.)''
Ryan: As a matter of fact, you can just take some of them! or.. all of them! I don’t know… eh?
Max: Hey. Didn’t I already beat you up today?
Ryan: Yeah! And it doesn’t count if it’s twice in the same day, y’know?
''(Ryan runs off.)''
Max: Oh yeah. Hey, what?
''(The three New Kids are now grouped together in safety behind the rock pile.)''
Ryan: Did it work?
Kevin: We’re gonna find out!
Ryan: Let’s go take a look!
Max: Ehh, I’ll get him twice tomorrow.
''(He gets in the car and turns it on. The car violently explodes.)''
Neil: Wha-? Whaah! (He catches a shoe) Oh my god!
Kevin: I can’t believe that just happened.
Ryan: Well, that’s that!
Neil: Waddaya mean, “that’s that?” We just- we just killed a man! I mean-
''(Kevin picks up the potato.)''
Ryan: I know. We didn’t even get our webisode done yet this week!
Neil: Who cares about the webisode?! I mean, is there gonna be a funeral? I mean-
Kevin: You want a baked potato?
Neil: (throwing it to the ground) Oh my god, that’s the death potato!
''(The three are now on a playground slide.)''
Kevin: I’m sure glad everything turned out okay in the end.
Ryan: Yeah, we got our psychological thriller webisode done in record time.
Neil: Yeah. Y’know, I think this is our best one yet.
Kevin: Yeah, Ryan, that (Scorse?) you pulled in the dream sequence? Fantastic!
Ryan: Hey, thanks man! And Neil, I really like the way you completely redefined film as an art form.
Neil: Hey, it’s-it’s what I do!
Kevin: Hey! It’s done uploading!
Neil: I hope they like it!
Ryan: What is this website called again?
Neil: H-T-T-P-:-/-/-W-W-W-dot
''(They slide down the slide as the URL follows them.)''
All three: Hollywoodeasttv.com!
''(Credits play, with usual credits theme.)''

== Video ==

<youtube>9JTLIImGUK8</youtube>

=== Credits ===
* '''''Cast'''''
** '''Neil Cicierega:''' ''Self''
** '''Kevin James:''' ''Self''
** '''Ryan Murphy:''' ''Self''
** '''Max Pacheco:''' ''Self''
** '''Ben Cicierega:''' ''Kid 1''
** '''Steve Bailey:''' ''Kid 2''

* '''''Crew:'''''
** '''Created By:''' ''Neil Cicierega, Kevin James, Ryan Murphy''
** '''Theme Song By:''' ''Neil Cicierega''

== Trivia ==

New Kids on the Rock 2: Romantic Comedy

2025-07-17T13:48:33Z

Callowrat: page created

{{Infobox_video
|title = NKOTR: Romantic Comedy
|video_Category = Short films
|series = [[New Kids on the Rock]]
|creator = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]]
|cast = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]], Kristen Hale, [[Nancy Cicierega]], TJ O'Brien, [[Emmy Cicierega]]
|crew = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]]
|year = August 4, 2008<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20090928131114/http://www.hollywoodeasttv.com/video/video/show?id=2131296%3AVideo%3A18302</ref>
|screenshot = nkotr2full.png
|duration = 07:13
|lastEpisode = [[New Kids on the Rock 1: Pilot | Pilot]] (s1, e1)
|thisEpisode = '''Romantic Comedy''' (Season 1, Episode 2)
|nextEpisode = [[New Kids on the Rock 3: Bully Troubles | Bully Troubles]] (s1, e3)
}}

Kevin goes on a date.

== Transcript ==
''(The title appears, constructed of clay.)''
SINGERS: New kids on the rock! New kids on the rock!
''(Neil, Kevin, and Ryan are walking in circles)''
RYAN: I really wish the assignment was here already.
NEIL: (sighs) I’m sure we’ll get it when the time is right.
KEVIN: (sighs) You know, I’m sure it will pop up soon.
''(An arrow with a notes hits the wall next to Kevin.)''
NEIL AND RYAN: It’s here!
''(Neil pulls out arrow and reads the note.)''
NEIL: Oh man! I’m so excited! It says… we have to make a romantic comedy episode, where Kevin gets to go on a first date, with a girl!
''(audience oohs)''
RYAN: But, but wait, Kevin already has a girlfriend.
KEVIN: Oh, what’s her name?
NEIL: Uh, Wendy.
KEVIN: Aw, that’s a cute name.
RYAN: N-no, t-this is wrong. I will have no part in this.
''(Ryan exits the door.)''
NEIL: We gotta get you ready, James.
''(Camera shows Neil helping Kevin get prepared for his date.)''
KEVIN: I don’t know, Neil. What if she doesn’t like me?
NEIL: You’re not giving yourself enough credit, buddy. I mean, you’re a good looking guy, except for that crooked eye thing.
KEVIN: Crooked eye thing?
NEIL: It’ll be a cinch! Our plan will work perfectly.
KEVIN: I don’t know, Neil. You really think so?
NEIL: Hey man, I know so.
''(Kevin is now waiting at a bar)''
KEVIN: All right, no pressure, no pressure, just a little date, just a little surprise date with Wendy. She should be here any minute, no pressure at all, absolutely no pressure, just a little date.
''(The camera shows another couple)''
LAUREN: Oh Scott! This has been the most wonderful first date ever!
SCOTT: And it’s about to get better, Lauren. Will you marry me?
LAUREN: Oh! Yes!
''(Camera shows Kevin again)''
WENDY: (taps Kevin) Hey Kevin.
KEVIN: Huh?! Oh jeez! Oh, hi Wendy! Do you, um, do you want to go and eat?
WENDY: Yeah.
KEVIN: Okay.
''(They are sitting at a table. Kevin is staring at Wendy.)''
WENDY: So it’s great to finally meet you.
KEVIN: Oh yeah! You too. I mean, you’re telling me, it’s been great.
WENDY: I’m sorry if I was a bit late, I was at the studio making some prints. What do you for work?
KEVIN: … Would you excuse me while I use the restroom?
WENDY: Sure.
''(Kevin goes into a restroom stall and uses his Communicator Wristwatch.)''
''(Neil is shown in a van in a parking lot with a monitor showing Kevin)''
NEIL: Oh, hey Kevin. What’s up?
KEVIN: Oh, thank God you’re there. Neil, I need to know… what do we do for a living?
NEIL: We make movies Kevin, that’s what we do.
KEVIN: Ah, thanks pal, you’re a lifesaver.
''(Camera shows the table again.)''
KEVIN: So yeah, nothing really big, just a few projects here and there. Have you ever heard of a little show called “New Kids on the Rock”?
WENDY: No.
KEVIN: Oh.
''(Camera now shows Ryan brushing the hair of doll heads.)''
''(Camera goes to Kevin in the restroom stall.)''
KEVIN: She doesn’t like me, man. What do I do?
NEIL: Hey, j-just stay calm. Just remember what sets you apart from Ryan and I.
KEVIN: My jacket!
NEIL: You’re manly Kevin, do manly things, like football, beating people up, come on.
KEVIN: Oh, thanks Neil, you’re a lifesaver.
''(Police siren sounds.)''
NEIL: Oh damn.
''(Camera shows the table again.)''
KEVIN: So that’s workin’ out pretty good.
WENDY: Wait, is that real leather?
KEVIN: Yeah, isn’t it cool?
WENDY: No, not cool. Fur is murder.
KEVIN: Leather ain’t fur.
''(Camera shows the van again.)''
POLICE: Open up! This is the police!
NEIL: Ryan, you gotta help me Ryan. Kevin’s too busy on a date.
''(Camera shows Ryan playing with a puppet, ignoring the ringing phone.)''
NEIL: Damn you Murphy! I-I-I-I plan on using this equipment to liberate wrongly imprisoned police officers! I’m innocent, gah!
KEVIN: Listen Wendy, I’ve got a confession to make. My friend Neil, he’s outside giving me advice on this date with you, he’s been helping me out with this communicator watch…
WENDY: Communicator watch? Hey, that’s pretty cool!
KEVIN: Yeah, Neil’s outside, he’s been trying to help me all night with this date with you.
WENDY: Aw, that’s so sweet. That’s adorable. Hey, would you walk me home?
''(Camera shows Kevin and Wendy walking to her porch.)''
KEVIN: Goodnight Wendy.
WENDY: Goodnight Kevin.
KEVIN: Yes! Yes! Yes!
''(It is now morning and Kevin is walking up to Wendy’s house. Ryan and Neil, who is in a prison suit, give Kevin thumbs up.)''
''(Kevin knocks on door.)''
WOMAN: Hello?
KEVIN: Hi, is Wendy here?
WOMAN: Wendy? She’s been dead for ten years. Ten years to do the day, yesterday. I’m sorry.
NEIL: Wow! You went on a date with a dead girl!
KEVIN: Yeah, I’ll never forget you Wendy.
RYAN: Come on Kevin, let’s go home.
''(Wendy is shown sitting inside. The woman enters.)''
WENDY: Is he gone?
WOMAN: He’s gone.
WENDY: Aw, thanks mom.
''(The three are sitting around a computer.)''
KEVIN: Well, I sure hope Plymouth Rock Studios enjoys our romantic comedy webisode.
NEIL: Why wouldn’t they? We’re bloody geniuses!
RYAN: Huh, yeah, I guess.
NEIL: Wait, what is it Ryan?
RYAN: I don’t know, don’t you think we laid the symbolism on a little on this one?
KEVIN: Ryan, if you’re referring to the spontaneously combusting clown…
NEIL: That was a key component to the third act.
RYAN: Uh, yeah, but that in conjunction with the non-linear time structure, I mean…
KEVIN: Ryan, the clown represents my mother.
RYAN: Oh.
KEVIN: Hey! It’s done uploading!
NEIL: I hope they like it.
RYAN: What- what’s the website called again?
NEIL: H-T-T-P-colon-slash-slash-W-W-W-dot
ALL THREE: hollywoodeasttv.com!
''(The three pose, and the credits roll.)''
SINGERS: New kids on the rock. New kids on the rock, rock, rock, rock. New kids on the rock. New kids on the rock.

== Video ==
<youtube>wMN_epM2fkQ</youtube>

=== Credits ===
* '''''Cast'''''
** '''Neil Cicierega:''' ''Self''
** '''Kevin James:''' ''Self''
** '''Ryan Murphy:''' ''Self''
** '''Kristen Hale:''' ''Wendy''
** '''Nancy Cicierega:''' ''Wendy's Mother''
** '''TJ O'Brien:''' ''Scott''
** '''Emmy Cicierega:''' ''Lauren''

* '''''Crew:'''''
** '''Created By:''' ''Neil Cicierega, Kevin James, Ryan Murphy''
** '''Edited By:''' ''Kevin James''
** '''Theme Song By:''' ''Neil Cicierega''

== Trivia ==
Kristen Hale, who plays Wendy, is Kevin's girlfriend in real life.

New Kids on the Rock 1: Pilot

2025-07-17T13:47:11Z

Callowrat: video link

{{Infobox_video
|title = NKOTR: Pilot
|video_Category = Short films
|series = [[New Kids on the Rock]]
|creator = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]]
|cast = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]], Anthony Sergio, [[Jake Quilty Dunn]]
|crew = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]]
|year = July 21, 2008<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20100123191703/http://www.hollywoodeasttv.com/video/video/show?id=2131296%3AVideo%3A14042</ref>
|screenshot = Thumb-nkotr1.jpg
|duration = 08:28
|lastEpisode =
|thisEpisode = '''Pilot''' (Season 1, Episode 1)
|nextEpisode = [[New Kids on the Rock 2: Romantic Comedy | Romantic Comedy]] (s1, e2)
}}

The studio sends the guys on a treasure hunt.

==Transcript==

''(The title appears, constructed of clay.)''
SINGERS: New kids on the rock! New kids on the rock!
''(Image changes to a statue, and then zooms out to the interior of Ryan’s apartment.)''
RYAN: And so Neil and Kevin and I went down to the studio. And we talked to the guys, who are really cool! And they commissioned us to do a series of webisodes for them! Like… web episodes. It’s a portmanteau. All the kids are saying it! We’re really excited about how things are gonna happen. It looks great for us! So-so, what do you think?
''(Camera shows an image of a terrifying painting, which appears to be of Ryan.)''
RYAN: Why are you always such a stick-in-the-mud? I mean, this is huge for me! I get to do what I love, I’m gonna get paid for it, I’m-
''(There is a beeping sound like the theme song. Ryan pulls up his sleeve to reveal a massive communicator wristwatch.)''
RYAN: (putting on a hat) I’ve gotta go.
''(Scene changes to image of Kevin in a field, talking to a boy with a crutch.)''
KEVIN: I went all the way into division seven. (Charles something) didn’t stand a CHANCE! Things were looking grim, Kyle. The other team was up by five points with 20 seconds left in the game. But me and the boys didn’t break a sweat. All we needed to do was pull off the perfect 32-gut trap. It went a little something… like this!
''(Kevin runs off and acts out his story.)''
KEVIN: Fifty cut across his midline backer and made his away around the safety. Quinn did a cutback across the front line. Then I let out my Hail Mary.
''(Kevin throws the football.)''
KEVIN: Fifty’s been tackled! Looks like I’m the only one left!
''(Kevin starts running.)''
KEVIN: I hop one, two D-men! I’m in the endzone! And…
''(Kevin somehow catches his own throw.)''
KEVIN: The Vikings win the Super Bowl! Thank you, very much!
''(The child claps and cheers.)''
''(The series of communicator beeps is heard again. Kevin pulls out his own giant wrist communicator.)''
KEVIN: Hey Kyle! I’ll be right back! Don’t go anywhere!
''(Kevin runs off as the child waves.)''
''(Scene changes to Neil on his couch, watching Spongebob Squarepants and eating cereal.)''
''(The wrist communicator goes off. Neil simply looks at it, turns it off, and puts it away. This sequence of events occurs a second time. The communicator goes off AGAIN. Finally, neil puts down his cereal, reads the message, sighs, and walks away.)''
''(Kevin and Ryan are standing at Plymouth Rock.)''
KEVIN: Kinda makes you think, doesn’t it? Two thousand years ago, Pilgrims stood at this very spot.
''(Neil walks into frame.)''
NEIL: Hey, guys.
RYAN: Hey.
KEVIN: Hey, How’s it goin’?
RYAN: So… what are we all doing here?
KEVIN: Well, the studio told us to all meet here. They’ve got some sort of message layin’ around for us.
NEIL: Hey, maybe they etched the message into the rock.
RYAN: Hey! Yeah!
''(The camera pans onto a letter taped to the rock.)''
KEVIN: Oh, no wait. There it is. See, it’s taped. Ryan?
''(Ryan pulls out a letter opener and opens the letter.)''
RYAN: “Dear New Kids on the Rock.” Hey! That’s us! “For your first assignment, we would like you to produce a ‘treasure hunt’ themed webisode of your show for us, and have it done soon please. We are counting on you. Love, Plymouth Rock Studios.”
KEVIN: A treasure hunt movie, huh? Seems easy enough!
NEIL: Wait a minute, give me that letter. This… this is in some kind of code.
RYAN: No… it’s in English.
NEIL: No- no. They know we’re smarter than that. This is a clue!
KEVIN: I agree with Neil.
NEIL: Thank you, Kevin. See- see. Look at the envelope. It’s sealed with wax. Wax…
NEIL AND KEVIN: The wax museum!
RYAN: No, that place closed like 20 years ago.
NEIL: Closed… Closed?
ALL THREE: The clothes store!
''(Cut to Kevin standing outside of a store. Neil and Ryan exit.)''
KEVIN: Hey, what’d you guys find?
RYAN: Oh, I got this cool jacket.
NEIL: '(Holding up some buttons)' I found these buttons.
KEVIN: Hmm. Well, I found this note in a coat pocket.
NEIL: Wait… A note. *gasp*
NEIL AND RYAN: The old note factory!
''(Cut to the three walking.)''
NEIL: So this note we found at the note factory said we have to find Squanto.
KEVIN: What the hell is a Squanto?
NEIL: You know, like the Native American? Well, let’s go.
''(Cut to the three standing in front of a statue.)''
NEIL: THIS is Squanto.
KEVIN: Oh, SQUANTO! Oh, okay.
NEIL: Let’s see… Hey Ryan! Do you still have that magnifying glass you found?
RYAN: Indeed!
NEIL: Stop. Um… I think we’ve got to put this in Squanto’s hand. It’s just like National Treasure 2: The Book of Secrets!
''(Neil attempts to put the magnifying glass in Squanto’s hand.)''
NEIL: It’s too tall!
KEVIN: Wait a minute… Neil, give me the glass! I think I’ve got an idea.
''(Kevin has duct taped the magnifying glass to Squanto’s foot.)''
KEVIN: And… voila!
RYAN: Eh. Good enough!
NEIL: Now… we wait.
''(As “Aquarium” plays, light shines through the magnifying glass and forms a beam of light.)''
RYAN: Look! It’s pointing at Plymouth Rock!
''(The three stand at Plymouth Rock.)''
KEVIN: Wait. We were here like 20 minutes ago.
RYAN: BAM-boozeled! We’ve come full circle!
''(Neil stares sadly at the rock.)''
KEVIN: Neil, you’ve just gotta face it. There’s no such thing as treasure.
NEIL: WAIT A MINUTE! Maybe it’s in the secret room hidden underneath Plymouth Rock!
RYAN: Yeah! Let’s take the elevator!
NEIL: There it is!
RYAN: Yeah!
''(A doorway opens in the rock.)''
RYAN: Let’s go in it.
''(There is a dark room underground. The three teleport into the room and turn on flashlights.)''
KEVIN: This must be the place, guys.
NEIL: Wow. This is just like Tomb Raider 2: The Cradle of Life!
RYAN: But where’s the treasure?
NEIL: It’s over there!
''(Camera shows a red chest, and then pans over to show a man dressed as a Pilgrim.)''
JOHN SMITH: Boo! I see you, you would-be thieves! I am John Smith, the last remaining Pilgrim, and I guard the treasure which you seek!
RYAN: Wait, John Smith? Like from Pocahontas?
JOHN SMITH: No! ‘Twas a very common name back then!
KEVIN: Well I don’t believe in no Pilgrims! That treasure’s ours!
''(John Smith produces a sword.)''
JOHN SMITH: One step further, lad, and I’ll cut off your throat!
RYAN: No! Not Kevin’s throat!
NEIL: Hey wait. Pilgrims didn’t have swords.
JOHN SMITH: Oh.
RYAN: Where’d you get the sword?
JOHN SMITH: I… found it. Wait… Where’s my gun… thing…
RYAN: You mean your musket?
JOHN SMITH: Yes. My… musket. It’s… it’s… just…
RYAN: All right, all right. Let’s just retrace your steps. ''(aside)'' Get the treasure. ''(Back to John Smith)'' It’s probably some place really obvious. Like, the last place you’d look.
''(Kevin sneaks over to steal the chest.)''
JOHN SMITH: Well, it’s big… and has kind of a horn on the end…
KEVIN: I got it guys. Let’s go!
RYAN: Well, our work here is done Mr. Smith! Time to go!
JOHN SMITH: Wait… what?
''(The New Kids on the Rock smile, wave, and walk away.)''
JOHN SMITH: Farewell, New Kids on the Rock!
''(The three are now outside. They open the chest.)''
NEIL: It’s our first check from the studio!
KEVIN: Wow.
RYAN: Wow! Fifty thousand dollars!
KEVIN: Yeah. Now THAT’S a treasure! Hey! Let’s go cash this and make our first webisode!
NEIL: Wait a minute! This isn’t a check! It’s a CLUE! Look! Look! The routing number! It follows the Fibonacci Sequence! And the signature! It’s a map!
''(Kevin grabs the check and walks away.)''
KEVIN: I’m going to the bank.
''(Neil and Ryan shrug.)
''(The three are sitting around a computer.)
NEIL: Well, our first webisode is done. Uploading now!
RYAN: You know Kevin, you did a really great job with that crane shot in the first act.
KEVIN: Hey, thanks Ryan! You know, I thought it was a little risky, but Neil’s lighting really helped it out.
NEIL: And Ryan, that was some classic (nee-san-sen?) during the bridge fight sequence!
KEVIN: Hey! It’s done uploading!
NEIL: Hey! I hope they like it.
RYAN: What- what’s the website called again?
NEIL: H-T-T-P-colon-slash-slash-W-W-W-dot
ALL THREE: hollywoodeasttv.com!
''(The three pose, and the credits roll.)''
SINGERS: New kids on the rock. New kids on the rock, rock, rock, rock. New kids on the rock. New kids on the rock.

== Video ==

<youtube>B8ZmhjO7Hzw</youtube>

===Credits===
* '''''Cast:'''''
** '''Neil Cicierega:''' ''Self''
** '''Kevin James:''' ''Self''
** '''Ryan Murphy:''' ''Self''
** '''Anthony Sergio:''' ''Kyle''
** '''Jake Quilty Dunn:''' ''John Smith''

* '''''Crew:'''''
** '''Created By:''' ''Neil Cicierega, Kevin James, Ryan Murphy''
** '''Edited By:''' ''Neil Cicierega''
** '''Theme Song By:''' ''Neil Cicierega''

==Trivia==
* The Vikings have never won a Super Bowl.

New Kids on the Rock 1: Pilot

2025-07-17T13:37:45Z

Callowrat:

{{Infobox_video
|title = NKOTR: Pilot
|video_Category = Short films
|series = [[New Kids on the Rock]]
|creator = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]]
|cast = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]], Anthony Sergio, [[Jake Quilty Dunn]]
|crew = [[Neil Cicierega]], [[Kevin James]], [[Ryan Murphy]]
|year = July 21, 2008<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20100123191703/http://www.hollywoodeasttv.com/video/video/show?id=2131296%3AVideo%3A14042</ref>
|screenshot = Thumb-nkotr1.jpg
|duration = 08:28
|lastEpisode =
|thisEpisode = '''Pilot''' (Season 1, Episode 1)
|nextEpisode = [[New Kids on the Rock 2: Romantic Comedy | Romantic Comedy]] (s1, e2)
}}

The studio sends the guys on a treasure hunt.

==Transcript==

''(The title appears, constructed of clay.)''
SINGERS: New kids on the rock! New kids on the rock!
''(Image changes to a statue, and then zooms out to the interior of Ryan’s apartment.)''
RYAN: And so Neil and Kevin and I went down to the studio. And we talked to the guys, who are really cool! And they commissioned us to do a series of webisodes for them! Like… web episodes. It’s a portmanteau. All the kids are saying it! We’re really excited about how things are gonna happen. It looks great for us! So-so, what do you think?
''(Camera shows an image of a terrifying painting, which appears to be of Ryan.)''
RYAN: Why are you always such a stick-in-the-mud? I mean, this is huge for me! I get to do what I love, I’m gonna get paid for it, I’m-
''(There is a beeping sound like the theme song. Ryan pulls up his sleeve to reveal a massive communicator wristwatch.)''
RYAN: (putting on a hat) I’ve gotta go.
''(Scene changes to image of Kevin in a field, talking to a boy with a crutch.)''
KEVIN: I went all the way into division seven. (Charles something) didn’t stand a CHANCE! Things were looking grim, Kyle. The other team was up by five points with 20 seconds left in the game. But me and the boys didn’t break a sweat. All we needed to do was pull off the perfect 32-gut trap. It went a little something… like this!
''(Kevin runs off and acts out his story.)''
KEVIN: Fifty cut across his midline backer and made his away around the safety. Quinn did a cutback across the front line. Then I let out my Hail Mary.
''(Kevin throws the football.)''
KEVIN: Fifty’s been tackled! Looks like I’m the only one left!
''(Kevin starts running.)''
KEVIN: I hop one, two D-men! I’m in the endzone! And…
''(Kevin somehow catches his own throw.)''
KEVIN: The Vikings win the Super Bowl! Thank you, very much!
''(The child claps and cheers.)''
''(The series of communicator beeps is heard again. Kevin pulls out his own giant wrist communicator.)''
KEVIN: Hey Kyle! I’ll be right back! Don’t go anywhere!
''(Kevin runs off as the child waves.)''
''(Scene changes to Neil on his couch, watching Spongebob Squarepants and eating cereal.)''
''(The wrist communicator goes off. Neil simply looks at it, turns it off, and puts it away. This sequence of events occurs a second time. The communicator goes off AGAIN. Finally, neil puts down his cereal, reads the message, sighs, and walks away.)''
''(Kevin and Ryan are standing at Plymouth Rock.)''
KEVIN: Kinda makes you think, doesn’t it? Two thousand years ago, Pilgrims stood at this very spot.
''(Neil walks into frame.)''
NEIL: Hey, guys.
RYAN: Hey.
KEVIN: Hey, How’s it goin’?
RYAN: So… what are we all doing here?
KEVIN: Well, the studio told us to all meet here. They’ve got some sort of message layin’ around for us.
NEIL: Hey, maybe they etched the message into the rock.
RYAN: Hey! Yeah!
''(The camera pans onto a letter taped to the rock.)''
KEVIN: Oh, no wait. There it is. See, it’s taped. Ryan?
''(Ryan pulls out a letter opener and opens the letter.)''
RYAN: “Dear New Kids on the Rock.” Hey! That’s us! “For your first assignment, we would like you to produce a ‘treasure hunt’ themed webisode of your show for us, and have it done soon please. We are counting on you. Love, Plymouth Rock Studios.”
KEVIN: A treasure hunt movie, huh? Seems easy enough!
NEIL: Wait a minute, give me that letter. This… this is in some kind of code.
RYAN: No… it’s in English.
NEIL: No- no. They know we’re smarter than that. This is a clue!
KEVIN: I agree with Neil.
NEIL: Thank you, Kevin. See- see. Look at the envelope. It’s sealed with wax. Wax…
NEIL AND KEVIN: The wax museum!
RYAN: No, that place closed like 20 years ago.
NEIL: Closed… Closed?
ALL THREE: The clothes store!
''(Cut to Kevin standing outside of a store. Neil and Ryan exit.)''
KEVIN: Hey, what’d you guys find?
RYAN: Oh, I got this cool jacket.
NEIL: '(Holding up some buttons)' I found these buttons.
KEVIN: Hmm. Well, I found this note in a coat pocket.
NEIL: Wait… A note. *gasp*
NEIL AND RYAN: The old note factory!
''(Cut to the three walking.)''
NEIL: So this note we found at the note factory said we have to find Squanto.
KEVIN: What the hell is a Squanto?
NEIL: You know, like the Native American? Well, let’s go.
''(Cut to the three standing in front of a statue.)''
NEIL: THIS is Squanto.
KEVIN: Oh, SQUANTO! Oh, okay.
NEIL: Let’s see… Hey Ryan! Do you still have that magnifying glass you found?
RYAN: Indeed!
NEIL: Stop. Um… I think we’ve got to put this in Squanto’s hand. It’s just like National Treasure 2: The Book of Secrets!
''(Neil attempts to put the magnifying glass in Squanto’s hand.)''
NEIL: It’s too tall!
KEVIN: Wait a minute… Neil, give me the glass! I think I’ve got an idea.
''(Kevin has duct taped the magnifying glass to Squanto’s foot.)''
KEVIN: And… voila!
RYAN: Eh. Good enough!
NEIL: Now… we wait.
''(As “Aquarium” plays, light shines through the magnifying glass and forms a beam of light.)''
RYAN: Look! It’s pointing at Plymouth Rock!
''(The three stand at Plymouth Rock.)''
KEVIN: Wait. We were here like 20 minutes ago.
RYAN: BAM-boozeled! We’ve come full circle!
''(Neil stares sadly at the rock.)''
KEVIN: Neil, you’ve just gotta face it. There’s no such thing as treasure.
NEIL: WAIT A MINUTE! Maybe it’s in the secret room hidden underneath Plymouth Rock!
RYAN: Yeah! Let’s take the elevator!
NEIL: There it is!
RYAN: Yeah!
''(A doorway opens in the rock.)''
RYAN: Let’s go in it.
''(There is a dark room underground. The three teleport into the room and turn on flashlights.)''
KEVIN: This must be the place, guys.
NEIL: Wow. This is just like Tomb Raider 2: The Cradle of Life!
RYAN: But where’s the treasure?
NEIL: It’s over there!
''(Camera shows a red chest, and then pans over to show a man dressed as a Pilgrim.)''
JOHN SMITH: Boo! I see you, you would-be thieves! I am John Smith, the last remaining Pilgrim, and I guard the treasure which you seek!
RYAN: Wait, John Smith? Like from Pocahontas?
JOHN SMITH: No! ‘Twas a very common name back then!
KEVIN: Well I don’t believe in no Pilgrims! That treasure’s ours!
''(John Smith produces a sword.)''
JOHN SMITH: One step further, lad, and I’ll cut off your throat!
RYAN: No! Not Kevin’s throat!
NEIL: Hey wait. Pilgrims didn’t have swords.
JOHN SMITH: Oh.
RYAN: Where’d you get the sword?
JOHN SMITH: I… found it. Wait… Where’s my gun… thing…
RYAN: You mean your musket?
JOHN SMITH: Yes. My… musket. It’s… it’s… just…
RYAN: All right, all right. Let’s just retrace your steps. ''(aside)'' Get the treasure. ''(Back to John Smith)'' It’s probably some place really obvious. Like, the last place you’d look.
''(Kevin sneaks over to steal the chest.)''
JOHN SMITH: Well, it’s big… and has kind of a horn on the end…
KEVIN: I got it guys. Let’s go!
RYAN: Well, our work here is done Mr. Smith! Time to go!
JOHN SMITH: Wait… what?
''(The New Kids on the Rock smile, wave, and walk away.)''
JOHN SMITH: Farewell, New Kids on the Rock!
''(The three are now outside. They open the chest.)''
NEIL: It’s our first check from the studio!
KEVIN: Wow.
RYAN: Wow! Fifty thousand dollars!
KEVIN: Yeah. Now THAT’S a treasure! Hey! Let’s go cash this and make our first webisode!
NEIL: Wait a minute! This isn’t a check! It’s a CLUE! Look! Look! The routing number! It follows the Fibonacci Sequence! And the signature! It’s a map!
''(Kevin grabs the check and walks away.)''
KEVIN: I’m going to the bank.
''(Neil and Ryan shrug.)
''(The three are sitting around a computer.)
NEIL: Well, our first webisode is done. Uploading now!
RYAN: You know Kevin, you did a really great job with that crane shot in the first act.
KEVIN: Hey, thanks Ryan! You know, I thought it was a little risky, but Neil’s lighting really helped it out.
NEIL: And Ryan, that was some classic (nee-san-sen?) during the bridge fight sequence!
KEVIN: Hey! It’s done uploading!
NEIL: Hey! I hope they like it.
RYAN: What- what’s the website called again?
NEIL: H-T-T-P-colon-slash-slash-W-W-W-dot
ALL THREE: hollywoodeasttv.com!
''(The three pose, and the credits roll.)''
SINGERS: New kids on the rock. New kids on the rock, rock, rock, rock. New kids on the rock. New kids on the rock.

===Credits===
* '''''Cast:'''''
** '''Neil Cicierega:''' ''Self''
** '''Kevin James:''' ''Self''
** '''Ryan Murphy:''' ''Self''
** '''Anthony Sergio:''' ''Kyle''
** '''Jake Quilty Dunn:''' ''John Smith''

* '''''Crew:'''''
** '''Created By:''' ''Neil Cicierega, Kevin James, Ryan Murphy''
** '''Edited By:''' ''Neil Cicierega''
** '''Theme Song By:''' ''Neil Cicierega''

==Trivia==
* The Vikings have never won a Super Bowl.