New Kids on the Rock 2: Romantic Comedy

NKOTR: Romantic Comedy
Short films
Series	New Kids on the Rock
Creator	Neil Cicierega, Kevin James, Ryan Murphy
Cast	Neil Cicierega, Kevin James, Ryan Murphy, Kristen Hale, Nancy Cicierega, TJ O'Brien, Emmy Cicierega
Crew	Neil Cicierega, Kevin James, Ryan Murphy
Released	August 4, 2008
Duration	07:13
New Kids on the Rock episodes
Pilot (s1, e1) Romantic Comedy (Season 1, Episode 2) Bully Troubles (s1, e3)

Kevin goes on a date.

Transcript

(The title appears, constructed of clay.)
SINGERS: New kids on the rock! New kids on the rock!
(Neil, Kevin, and Ryan are walking in circles)
RYAN: I really wish the assignment was here already.
NEIL: (sighs) I’m sure we’ll get it when the time is right.
KEVIN: (sighs) You know, I’m sure it will pop up soon.
(An arrow with a notes hits the wall next to Kevin.)
NEIL AND RYAN: It’s here!
(Neil pulls out arrow and reads the note.)
NEIL: Oh man! I’m so excited! It says… we have to make a romantic comedy episode, where Kevin gets to go on a first date, with a girl!
(audience oohs)
RYAN: But, but wait, Kevin already has a girlfriend.
KEVIN: Oh, what’s her name?
NEIL: Uh, Wendy.
KEVIN: Aw, that’s a cute name.
RYAN: N-no, t-this is wrong. I will have no part in this.
(Ryan exits the door.)
NEIL: We gotta get you ready, James.
(Camera shows Neil helping Kevin get prepared for his date.)
KEVIN: I don’t know, Neil. What if she doesn’t like me?
NEIL: You’re not giving yourself enough credit, buddy. I mean, you’re a good looking guy, except for that crooked eye thing.
KEVIN: Crooked eye thing?
NEIL: It’ll be a cinch! Our plan will work perfectly.
KEVIN: I don’t know, Neil. You really think so?
NEIL: Hey man, I know so.
(Kevin is now waiting at a bar)
KEVIN: All right, no pressure, no pressure, just a little date, just a little surprise date with Wendy. She should be here any minute, no pressure at all, absolutely no pressure, just a little date.
(The camera shows another couple)
LAUREN: Oh Scott! This has been the most wonderful first date ever!
SCOTT: And it’s about to get better, Lauren. Will you marry me?
LAUREN: Oh! Yes!
(Camera shows Kevin again)
WENDY: (taps Kevin) Hey Kevin.
KEVIN: Huh?! Oh jeez! Oh, hi Wendy! Do you, um, do you want to go and eat?
WENDY: Yeah.
KEVIN: Okay.
(They are sitting at a table. Kevin is staring at Wendy.)
WENDY: So it’s great to finally meet you.
KEVIN: Oh yeah! You too. I mean, you’re telling me, it’s been great.
WENDY: I’m sorry if I was a bit late, I was at the studio making some prints. What do you for work?
KEVIN: … Would you excuse me while I use the restroom?
WENDY: Sure.
(Kevin goes into a restroom stall and uses his Communicator Wristwatch.)
(Neil is shown in a van in a parking lot with a monitor showing Kevin)
NEIL: Oh, hey Kevin. What’s up?
KEVIN: Oh, thank God you’re there. Neil, I need to know… what do we do for a living?
NEIL: We make movies Kevin, that’s what we do.
KEVIN: Ah, thanks pal, you’re a lifesaver.
(Camera shows the table again.)
KEVIN: So yeah, nothing really big, just a few projects here and there. Have you ever heard of a little show called “New Kids on the Rock”?
WENDY: No.
KEVIN: Oh.
(Camera now shows Ryan brushing the hair of doll heads.)
(Camera goes to Kevin in the restroom stall.)
KEVIN: She doesn’t like me, man. What do I do?
NEIL: Hey, j-just stay calm. Just remember what sets you apart from Ryan and I.
KEVIN: My jacket!
NEIL: You’re manly Kevin, do manly things, like football, beating people up, come on.
KEVIN: Oh, thanks Neil, you’re a lifesaver.
(Police siren sounds.)
NEIL: Oh damn.
(Camera shows the table again.)
KEVIN: So that’s workin’ out pretty good.
WENDY: Wait, is that real leather?
KEVIN: Yeah, isn’t it cool?
WENDY: No, not cool. Fur is murder.
KEVIN: Leather ain’t fur.
(Camera shows the van again.)
POLICE: Open up! This is the police!
NEIL: Ryan, you gotta help me Ryan. Kevin’s too busy on a date.
(Camera shows Ryan playing with a puppet, ignoring the ringing phone.)
NEIL: Damn you Murphy! I-I-I-I plan on using this equipment to liberate wrongly imprisoned police officers! I’m innocent, gah!
KEVIN: Listen Wendy, I’ve got a confession to make. My friend Neil, he’s outside giving me advice on this date with you, he’s been helping me out with this communicator watch…
WENDY: Communicator watch? Hey, that’s pretty cool!
KEVIN: Yeah, Neil’s outside, he’s been trying to help me all night with this date with you.
WENDY: Aw, that’s so sweet. That’s adorable. Hey, would you walk me home?
(Camera shows Kevin and Wendy walking to her porch.)
KEVIN: Goodnight Wendy.
WENDY: Goodnight Kevin.
KEVIN: Yes! Yes! Yes!
(It is now morning and Kevin is walking up to Wendy’s house. Ryan and Neil, who is in a prison suit, give Kevin thumbs up.)
(Kevin knocks on door.)
WOMAN: Hello?
KEVIN: Hi, is Wendy here?
WOMAN: Wendy? She’s been dead for ten years. Ten years to do the day, yesterday. I’m sorry.
NEIL: Wow! You went on a date with a dead girl!
KEVIN: Yeah, I’ll never forget you Wendy.
RYAN: Come on Kevin, let’s go home.
(Wendy is shown sitting inside. The woman enters.)
WENDY: Is he gone?
WOMAN: He’s gone.
WENDY: Aw, thanks mom.
(The three are sitting around a computer.)
KEVIN: Well, I sure hope Plymouth Rock Studios enjoys our romantic comedy webisode.
NEIL: Why wouldn’t they? We’re bloody geniuses!
RYAN: Huh, yeah, I guess.
NEIL: Wait, what is it Ryan?
RYAN: I don’t know, don’t you think we laid the symbolism on a little on this one?
KEVIN: Ryan, if you’re referring to the spontaneously combusting clown…
NEIL: That was a key component to the third act.
RYAN: Uh, yeah, but that in conjunction with the non-linear time structure, I mean…
KEVIN: Ryan, the clown represents my mother.
RYAN: Oh.
KEVIN: Hey! It’s done uploading!
NEIL: I hope they like it.
RYAN: What- what’s the website called again?
NEIL: H-T-T-P-colon-slash-slash-W-W-W-dot
ALL THREE: hollywoodeasttv.com!
(The three pose, and the credits roll.)
SINGERS: New kids on the rock. New kids on the rock, rock, rock, rock. New kids on the rock. New kids on the rock.

Video

Credits

• Cast
  • Neil Cicierega: Self
  • Kevin James: Self
  • Ryan Murphy: Self
  • Kristen Hale: Wendy
  • Nancy Cicierega: Wendy's Mother
  • TJ O'Brien: Scott
  • Emmy Cicierega: Lauren

• Crew:
  • Created By: Neil Cicierega, Kevin James, Ryan Murphy
  • Edited By: Kevin James
  • Theme Song By: Neil Cicierega

Trivia

Kristen Hale, who plays Wendy, is Kevin's girlfriend in real life.