Correctional Facility Food Sucks

Correctional Facility Food Sucks is a bizarre, cacophonous megamix of dozens of various sound clips attributed to Lemon Demon.

Correctional Facility Food Sucks
Song
Artist	Lemon Demon
Released	2003
Recorded	2003
Written by	Neil Cicierega
Appears on	Non Album Track
Duration	5:48
Genre	Sound Collage
Links:	MP3

Lyrics

Hi! We’re the Wiggles! And welcome to our wiggly website!

I have no penis
I have no penis
I have no penis
I have no penis
I have no penis
I have no penis
I have no penis

Welcome, welcome, welcome
You’ve got
Welcome
You’ve got
Welcome, welcome, welcome
Mail
Welcome
You’ve got mail
Welcome, you’ve you’ve you’ve you’ve you’ve got got got got got got got got mail mail mail mail mail mail
Welcome
You’ve got mail, mail
You’ve got
Goodbye

Hey buddy, if you’re a man looking for another man,
then you’ve called the right place,
because this is the cheapest gay phone service around.
We’re talking about a average market of only $2.99 to $4.99 per minute.
[unintelligible talking]

[strange noises include Gunshots, the “BUST commercial” from the sims 1 game completely unintelligible speaking “sim Speak”]

[lots of sound effects with shouting]

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me
We pillage, we plunder, we rifle, and loot
Drink up, me ‘earties, yo ho
We kidnap and ravage and don’t give a hoot
Drink up me ‘earties, yo ho

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me
We extort, we pilfer, we filch, and sack
Drink up, me ‘earties, yo ho
Maraud and embezzle, and even high-jack
Drink up, me ‘earties, yo ho

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me
We kindle and char, inflame and ignite
Drink up, me ‘earties, yo ho
oh yo ,seitrae’ em ,pu knirD

Pika pika pi

Welcome, welcome, welcome
You’ve got
Welcome
You’ve got
Welcome, welcome, welcome
Mail
Welcome
You’ve got mail
Welcome, you’ve you’ve you’ve you’ve you’ve got got got got got got got got mail mail mail mail mail mail
Welcome
You’ve got mail, mail
You’ve got
Goodbye

[THX sound]

[Clip of Aaron Ackerson’s acapella rendition of “Do The Mario”

[THX sound]

I have no penis
I have no penis

[La Cucaracha begins]
Fridge Largemeat
Butch Deadlift
Slab Bulkhead
Flint Chesthair
[unintelligible, sounds like a small aircraft gear raising motor]

[radio speak]
[La Cucaracha ends]
It’s great to be here with you young witches, on this fabulous night
Remember girls, show the world — (Happy birthdaaaaaugh)
Let them know it’s ha-hallow—ha-halloween

[scene from scooby doo, Shaggy’s Nervous, hopeless, doomed laugh]

I… have… no… peeeeeeniiiiss…

I’m wearing brown pants

[noise]

[unintelligible]

[Windows signing in sound]

Arnold’s coming to town.
He’s going to — and he’s going to break your legs.
[Windows signing out sound]
With a m—uh—with a monkey wrench,
I’m going to break your legs with a monkey wrench until you die.
Because I’m Arnold Schwarzeneg—
Oh, oops… *cough* Sorry about that.
Sometimes my voice goes a little weird when I’m talking in my normal voice, like this.
It just goes all weird like that; I don’t know why.
I’m going to have to see a doctor about it.
If he tries to touch my pee-pee, I’m going to break his hair. With a monkey wrench.

[THX sound]

Hi! We’re the Wiggles! And welcome to our wiggly website!
Hi! We’re the Wiggles! And welcome to our wiggly website!

Wiener, wiener, wien-wien-wiener

[unintelligible believed to be “I am Mr. Milky Toes, and]

I wear pantyhose

I gotta have more cowbell!

Hrngh… who is the fat man, I wonder? And how does he fit into this sinister puzzle?

[Chewbacca sound]

[Clip of Aaron Ackerson’s acapella rendition of “Do The Mario”]

I have no penis

sreggit tuoba gniht lufrednow ehT

Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Weeee Weeee Weeee Weeee Weeee!

[“Shaggy” Scene repeats again]

Welcome, welcome, welcome
You’ve got
Welcome
You’ve got
Welcome, welcome, welcome
Mail
Welcome
You’ve got

Neem een ander in de maling (Ah ah ah yeah)
Loop niet an m’n kop te zeuren (Oewoho oewoho)
Jij mot niet so ouwehoere (Ah ah ah yeah)
Aàh, alle vrouwen zijn ‘t zelfde (Oewoho oewoho)

I have no penis, I have no penis, I have pe- I have pe- I have pe- I have no penis

I’ma Wario! I’ma gonna win!
Wee hee, I got it!
Aiaiaiayia!!

[Splat!]

Trivia

• A reversed version of this composition exists under the name Panda Zero. It can be heard here.
• Originally titled Cicierega’s Homme Saint De Fromage in G minor.