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Artist Lemon Demon
Written by Neil Cicierega
Appears on Hip to the Javabean
Sung by Neil Cicierega
Duration 4:14
Tempo 84
Genre Rock
Language English
Links: Needlejuice Remaster Original lemon demon website download Alternate Mix

Telekinesis is the sixth track on Hip to the Javabean


Nobody knows my true identity
 For all we know, I'm John F. Kennedy's
 Love child with Nosferatu
 We can't know but still we got to
 Nobody knows how deep this mystery goes
 But ancient caveman history shows
 We're all descended from
 The same evil alien slime
 And it's a pretty shade of grey
 It makes the woodwork eat away
 Glass breaks and cow's milk curdles
 It glows in the dark and it mutates turtles
 Somebody told me something interesting
 They told me the world is always tempesting
 'Round and around again
 I've had enough of that pseudo-zen
 Somebody else was watching from afar
 Screwing it up like a broken VCR
 She thought that I was
 Very insincere because...
 I rolled my eyes a bit too much
 Am I really that out of touch?
 Why should I care about this?
 I'm not concerned with the things I miss
 I don't see the point in not believing in
 Things you can taste like fear and cinnamon
 Sadly this hasn't gotten me
 Anything but dread and gluttony
 Under the ground is where I wanna go
 Surely there is a way but I dunno
 How to get there
 No one seems to know actually, so
 I tried to use a garden spade
 But it was very poorly made
 *Bang* It broke into so many pieces
 It's times like these that I wish I had...


  • The word “pseudo” is mispronounced in the version released on Hip To The Javabean. Although this was unintentional and Neil has endured many attempts to correct himself, the mistake seems to have become part of the song, as he still pronounces it that way when he performs Telekinesis live, such as at Lemonic Demonade.
  • When Neil sings the phrase “and it mutates turtles” he is most likely referring to the “teenage mutant ninja turtles”, who were indeed mutated by radioactive slime.
  • Telekinesis was featured on a radio show called "The Listener Hour", where an alternate mix was featured, where the piano is less audible. It starts at 35:27 of the recording.