New Kids on the Rock 4: The Curse of Spooky Manor

NKOTR: The Curse of Spooky Manor
Short films
Series	New Kids on the Rock
Creator	Neil Cicierega, Kevin James, Ryan Murphy
Production Company	Plymouth Rock Studios
Cast	Neil Cicierega, Kevin James, Ryan Murphy, Dave Pollick
Crew	Neil Cicierega, Kevin James, Ryan Murphy
Released	September 2, 2008
Duration	08:09
New Kids on the Rock episodes
Bully Troubles (s1, e3) The Curse of Spooky Manor (Season 1, Episode 4) The Vigilante (s1, e5)

Our heroes go on their spookiest adventure yet...

Transcript

(The usual intro is replaced with spooky green text and the music only utilizes a single singer.)
Singer: Neeeewwww Kiiiidsss Ooooonnn Theeeeee Roooooock! Mya-ha-ha-ha-ha!
(The New Kids are playing with an Ouija board. Kevin is writing down the message)
Neil and Ryan: D… I…. O… S.
Neil: What does that spell, Kevin?
Kevin: Hey! It’s a message from the studio, guys!
Ryan: Golly!
Kevin: Dear New Kids on the Rock.
(He indicates that they are the New Kids on the Rock.)
Kevin: Great job on your dystopian cyberpunk webisode! Unfortunately, we cannot give you your paycheck however, due to a minor stipulation in your contract, until you have spent one night in… Spooky Manor?
(Lightning flashes.)
Ryan: Golly!
Kevin: Sincerely, Plymouth Rock Studios. I don’t like the sound of this one bit, guys.
Neil: Me neither. I mean, you know what they say about Spooky Manor, right guys?
Ryan: No. What do they say?
(Neil walks to a window with a ridiculously overdone “Spooky Manor” visible outside.)
Neil: They say… it’s haunted!
Kevin: Horsefeathers. Neil, I thought you were a man of science.
Neil: Science? There’s no SCIENCE where we’re going tonight, my friends. Only blood-curdling horrors from beyond. Ryan, do you have your toothbrush?
Ryan: (Holding up three toothbrushes) I have all our toothbrushes.
Neil: Good. Let’s go!
(The three are cheerfully walking up a hill with sleeping bags, presumably towards Spooky Manor.)
Kevin: You know, this is actually pretty exciting. I really like sleepovers.
Neil: Yeah, I’m actually not scared at all.
Ryan: Nothing could possibly deter us!
Cooper: Fools! Naive children!
Neil: It’s Old Man Cooper, the groundskeeper!
Kevin: Hey mister! What’s the big idea?
Cooper: There ain’t but one thing you’re gonna find in that HORRIBLE old house, and that’s DOOM with a capital “OOM.” Take it from me, Old Man Cooper, an innocent old groundskeeper with no particular vested interest in that HORRIBLE house!
(The New Kids pause for a moment, and walk away.)
Ryan: I guess he just really cares.
Kevin: Eh, he’s just bustin’ our chops. It’s an old man thing.
Neil: Yeah, to hell with him! Let’s just forget about his existence entirely.
(They enter the house.)
Neil: This must be the place.
Ryan: Golly!
Neil: Spooky Manor, the spookiest manor in Plymouth County.
Kevin: Spooky Manor! I’ve eaten spookier manors than this for breakfast. In my sleep. C’mon guys! Let’s go.
Neil: *gulp*
(A painting of a covered bridge opens two small holes and eyes peek through.)
(The sleepover has begun.)
Neil: I dunno, just something about this place gives me the creeps.
Kevin: Are you sure it’s not just Ryan?
(Ryan grins creepily.)
Neil: No, something far more sinister lurks in this house, Kevin.
Ryan: Maybe it’s… a ghost?!
Neil: Yeah, I’m guessing it’s either a ghost, or Count Dracula.
Kevin: Relax Neil, there’s no such thing as counts.
(A grandfather clock chimes ominously.)
Kevin: Well, it’s time for bed, guys! Let’s hit the hay.
Ryan: Yeah. I’m gonna sleep like a giant baby tonight.
Neil: Hey, maybe one of us should like, stand guard while the others sleep. Y’know, we could do it in shifts.
Kevin: That’s a great idea. You go first.
Ryan: (throwing Neil a flashlight) Sleep tight!
(Neil goes exploring up to the second floor. He walks across a creaky floor, almost knocks over a lamp, and is startled by a creepy music box.)
Neil: Whew. Just a creepy old music box.
(Neil turns to see a man in a black robe and skeleton mask behind him. As Neil gasps, the camera moves to Kevin sleeping, downstairs.)
Neil: (offscreen) AAAAAAHHHHHH!
(Ryan awakens.)
Neil: AAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
Ryan: Kevin! Kevin, wake up!
Kevin: Mmmm. What is it?
Ryan: Wait, wait…
Neil: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
Ryan: What’s that noise?
Kevin: It’s probably just the wind or something. Go back to sleep.
Ryan: No, I think it’s Neil screaming.
Neil: AAAAAHHHH! AHHHHHHHH! AAAAAAAAHHHHH!
Kevin: Oh yeah, it does kinda sound like that, doesn’t it?
Ryan: We should help him.
Kevin: *snores*
Ryan: WE SHOULD HELP HIM.
Kevin: All right. All right.
Neil: AAAAAAHHH! AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!
(They walk into the room where Neil was last seen.)
Kevin: (whispering) Neil! Where is he?
Ryan: Hey, there he is!
(Neil is is a fetal position, holding his flashlight like a weapon.)
Ryan: Hey Neil!
Neil: Ah!
Kevin and Ryan: Ah!
Neil: AHH!
Kevin and Ryan: AHH!
Neil: AAAHH!
Kevin and Ryan: AAAHH!
Neil: …Oh hey!
Ryan: What’s wrong, Neil?
Neil: I saw… a- a GHOUL!
Kevin: Okay, come on now, Neil. A ghoul?
Neil: What, what, waddaya want, proof?
Kevin: No, it’s all just a little bit-
Neil: (with cellphone) ‘Cause I took a picture.
Kevin: Oh wow.
Ryan: That’s a ghoul all right.
Neil: See? See, there was this ghoul, and he sneered right at me. And he spooked me.
Ryan: Golly!
(Kevin stands up next to a ceramic fish.)
Kevin: I don’t know, guys. There’s something mighty fishy about all this. Maybe it’s time we… investigate?
Ryan: Yeah!
Neil: YEEAAAAH!
(They are exploring the house.)
Kevin: I think we’d better split up.
Ryan: I agree with Kevin.
Kevin: Thank you, Ryan. I’m gonna head down this way.
(Kevin leaves.)
Ryan: Let’s not split up. Kevin is filled with terrible ideas.
Neil: Okay Ryan.
Ryan: Let’s go this way (Kevin is in the basement.)
Kevin: A-ha!
(He runs over to a dufflebag and takes out some money. He smells it.)
Kevin: Counterfeit money. And what’s that?
(He pulls some CDs out of a backpack.)
Kevin: Pirated software. The plot thickens.
(He runs over to a wall of gardening tools.)
Kevin: Gardening tools. And a wallet, belonging to Old Man Cooper! Hmm… WAIT A MINUTE!
(Neil and Ryan are walking down a hallway.)
Ryan: So you’re sure that you saw a ghoul, Neil?
Neil: I swear on your grave, Ryan. I saw a ghoul.
Ryan: No, I believe you, but I don’t know, I’m starting to develop pretty atheistic views about the possibility of the existence of, y’know, supernatural beeeiiiii-AHHH!
(Neil and Ryan both scream as the camera pans to show the ghoul is in front of them.)
Ghoul: Leave this place at once, New Kids on the Rock! Or else!
Neil: What-whatever you say, Mr. Ghoul!
Ghoul: NOOWWWWW!
(Kevin enters with a backhoe.)
Kevin: They ain’t goin’ anyweah!
(He throws the hoe. Although the ghoul catches it, he still falls backward, incapacitated.)
Ghoul: Oh no!
Ryan: Kevin!
Neil: You’re alive!
Ryan: And you saved us!
Kevin: With a little investigating, I managed to find some counterfeit money and gardening tools in the basement. Looks like the show’s over for Mr. Ghoul here, or should I say, Old Man Coo-
(As Kevin removes the ghoul’s mask, tentacles spew forth. They all scream. The tentacles remove Kevin’s eyes.)
Kevin: MY EYES!
(They continue to scream, and Neil and Ryan run away and escape. Kevin tries to run away, but hits a wall.)
(Neil and Ryan are now sitting in a cemetery with a small jar.)
Neil: Well, I’m sure glad we got the paycheck!
Ryan: Yeah! And we only have to split it two ways!
Neil: AND our dystopian cyberpunk webisode was a smash hit!
Ryan: What do you think about it, Kevin?
(The camera shows the jar, which has a picture labeled “prestige” on the front.)
Ryan: Wait, Kevin can’t talk. He’s dead.
Neil: Oh. Poor Kevin.
Ryan: So where do you suppose he went? To Heaven or to Hell?
Neil: Oh, neither.
Ryan: Well then, where did he go?
Neil: H-T-T-P-:-/-/-W-W-W-DOT
Neil and Ryan: HOLLYWOODEASTTV.COM!
(The URL appears on the screen. The credits roll. At the end, as a post-credits scene, it shows the Kevin jar.)
Kevin: (muffled) I’m dead!

Video

Credits

• Cast
  • Neil Cicierega: Self
  • Kevin James: Self
  • Ryan Murphy: Self
  • Dave Pollick: Old Man Cooper

• Crew:
  • Created By: Neil Cicierega, Kevin James, Ryan Murphy
  • Original Score By: Neil Cicierega