New Kids on the Rock 3: Bully Troubles

NKOTR: Bully Troubles
Short films
Series	New Kids on the Rock
Creator	Neil Cicierega, Kevin James, Ryan Murphy
Production Company	Plymouth Rock Studios
Cast	Neil Cicierega, Kevin James, Ryan Murphy, Max Pacheco, Ben Cicierega, Steve Bailey
Crew	Neil Cicierega, Kevin James, Ryan Murphy
Released	August 18, 2008
Duration	06:36
New Kids on the Rock episodes
Romantic Comedy (s1, e2) Bully Troubles (Season 1, Episode 3) The Curse of Spooky Manor (s1, e4)

The guys are terrorized by a high school bully.

Transcript

(The title appears over a school while a bell rings.)
(Neil, Ryan and Kevin start to cross a street)
Ryan: So according to this ancient stone tablet we got from the studio, we’ve got to make ourselves a psychological thriller webisode.
Neil: Oh that should be fun.
Kevin: Hey guys lets cut the film talk for 10 seconds, we’re going to be late to class.
Ryan and Neil: Oh yeah.
Neil: Hey wait a minute, we’re-we’re 21, we don’t go to high school, anymore.
Kevin: Oh.
Ryan: Let’s get out of here.
(They turn around and leave.)
(Max has Ben pinned to a wall.)
Max: Your money or your teeth, kid.
(Neil, Ryan and Kevin walk by.)
Kevin: Hey, what are you guys up to?
Max: What did you say?
Neil: It’s Max! No-nothing Max. We didn’t know it was you.
Max: What do you fart faces want? You looking for a knuckle sandPUNCH?
Ben: They aren’t fart faces, they’re the New Kids on the Rock, and they won’t let you get away with this!
Kevin (whispering): Shut up.
Max: New Kids on the Rock huh? More like News Kids… that… suck! Heh, oh that’s great I got to write that one down. (He pulls out a notebook) Let’s see here, newwwwwww, k, kid…
(Neil, Ryan and Kevin run away, quickly followed by Ben.)
Max: Oh I’ll get you, you new kids, that suck.
(Kevin is doing repairs to his car.)
Kevin: Fixin’ my car, fixin’ my truck, fixin’ her good, fixin’ her up… What the- Hey!
(Max has pinned Kevin against his car.)
Kevin: Max! Funny, seeing you here! In my… house…
Max: Heh. Kevin James. More like… Kevin LAMES!
Kevin: No! Not Kevin Lames! That’s mean!
(Max gives Kevin a huge wedgie. Kevin screams.)
(Neil is playing with his Ron and Harry puppets.)
Neil: (talking through Harry) and that’s why people with red hair can never learn to love, Ron. (talking through Ron) But what about all of these mixed up feeling I feel inside, Harry? (Speaking through Harry) The only thing YOU can feel inside is… (Neil pauses to look at the puppets) The only thing you can f- (Neil stops talking with the puppets) What is- what the heck? Some kind of strange powder, and it itches.
(Shot of Max holding a container labeled “ITCHING POWDER” and laughing.)
(Max is pouring glue into Ryan’s shoes. Ryan rolls out of bed and shuffles over to put his shoes on. Max hits him repeatedly with a baseball bat.)
(The three New Kids on the Rock are sitting together. Neil is wearing heavy rubber gloves, Kevin is sitting as though in pain, and Ryan is beat up and not wearing shoes.)
Kevin: God, Max has been bullying us all for years!
Neil: Well of course he has! He’s the biggest, meanest, scariest guy in town!
Ryan: I know! We’re helpless!
Kevin: Wait! That’s it!
Ryan: What? What’s it?
Kevin: Don’t you guys see it? WE’RE helpless, alone. But what about… together?
Neil: That’s right! With our
(The three move their hands together and a light shines.)
All three: COMBINED EFFORTS
Neil: It could be enough to finally teach that bully a lesson!
Ryan: We’re going to have to come up with a plan.
Kevin: I know what we could do. Max thinks he’s soooo cool with that car he’s got, right?
Neil: Mmm-hmm.
Kevin: We’ll just head down and grab a potato, and stick it in his car’s exhaust pipe. That way the whole thing reeks like a potato when he turns it over.
Neil: Hahahahaha, Oh his face’ll be so red!
Ryan: Yeah! (taking out a baggie of hair) And then we can sneak into his house late at night, and I’ll take a little pair of tweezers and we’ll pry his mouth open, and we’ll fill it with all these little hairballs that I’ve been collecting from combs and things of women over the last eight months!
Kevin: …OR we could do the potato thing I just said.
Neil: (standing up) We shall find the greatest potato in the town! Let’s put this plan into action.
(Max is shooting crows with a slingshot next to his car.)
Max: Heheheh. Stupid bird.
(Steve runs up to Max.)
Steve: Hey mister? Mister, could you help me find my dog, please? I lost him all the way over there, and he’s been gone for almost a day now. Could- could you please help me find him?
Max: Sure, I’ll help you find your puppy.
Steve: Thanks, mister!
Max: With a KNUCKLE SANDWICH! With my FIST! IN YOUR FACE!
(Steve runs away as Max laughs.)
Max: (kisses fist) Ah.
(He pulls out his notebook and adds another tally mark for “crying kids.”)
Max: Heh. I’m gonna put this one on the fridge.
(The New Kids are watching over a pile of rocks.)
Kevin: All right guys, everyone remember their positions?
Ryan: I- I really don’t like this plan.
Neil: It’s okay, Ryan. It’s not your fault.
Kevin: All right, let’s put this plan into action. Come on.
(Max is admiring his notebook.)
Ryan: Hey there, Sonny!
(Ryan is wearing a ridiculous vaudeville-style outfit and holding several LPs, the top of which shows a drawing of a banana.)
Ryan: You seem like the kind of fella who’s KEEN on MUSIC!
(Neil and Kevin are placing the potato in Max’s exhaust pipe.)
Ryan: I’m selling these RECORDS to try and get money for my VAUDEVILLE troupe! We’ve got all KINDS of music! Why, say there! Do- do you kids like the jaa-
(Max starts strangling Ryan.)
Ryan: As a matter of fact, you can just take some of them! or.. all of them! I don’t know… eh?
Max: Hey. Didn’t I already beat you up today?
Ryan: Yeah! And it doesn’t count if it’s twice in the same day, y’know?
(Ryan runs off.)
Max: Oh yeah. Hey, what?
(The three New Kids are now grouped together in safety behind the rock pile.)
Ryan: Did it work?
Kevin: We’re gonna find out!
Ryan: Let’s go take a look!
Max: Ehh, I’ll get him twice tomorrow.
(He gets in the car and turns it on. The car violently explodes.)
Neil: Wha-? Whaah! (He catches a shoe) Oh my god!
Kevin: I can’t believe that just happened.
Ryan: Well, that’s that!
Neil: Waddaya mean, “that’s that?” We just- we just killed a man! I mean-
(Kevin picks up the potato.)
Ryan: I know. We didn’t even get our webisode done yet this week!
Neil: Who cares about the webisode?! I mean, is there gonna be a funeral? I mean-
Kevin: You want a baked potato?
Neil: (throwing it to the ground) Oh my god, that’s the death potato!
(The three are now on a playground slide.)
Kevin: I’m sure glad everything turned out okay in the end.
Ryan: Yeah, we got our psychological thriller webisode done in record time.
Neil: Yeah. Y’know, I think this is our best one yet.
Kevin: Yeah, Ryan, that Scorsese you pulled in the dream sequence? Fantastic!
Ryan: Hey, thanks man! And Neil, I really like the way you completely redefined film as an art form.
Neil: Hey, it’s-it’s what I do!
Kevin: Hey! It’s done uploading!
Neil: I hope they like it!
Ryan: What is this website called again?
Neil: H-T-T-P-:-/-/-W-W-W-dot
(They slide down the slide as the URL follows them.)
All three: Hollywoodeasttv.com!
(Credits play, with usual credits theme.)

Video

Credits

• Cast
  • Neil Cicierega: Self
  • Kevin James: Self
  • Ryan Murphy: Self
  • Max Pacheco: Self
  • Ben Cicierega: Kid 1
  • Steve Bailey: Kid 2

• Crew:
  • Created By: Neil Cicierega, Kevin James, Ryan Murphy
  • Theme Song By: Neil Cicierega